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09 December 2005

What's wrong with you?
post by: dame at: 14:29 | 109 comments
See below. Also, exams.

xxoo,
Eideteker
posted by Eideteker 09 December | 14:31
I'm an attention whore on the internet.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 09 December | 14:32
A general malaise and desire to get the hell out of work now.
posted by kellydamnit 09 December | 14:35
Temporally?

Mild hangover. Chafing butt. Nicotine Craving.

Existentially?

We don't have that kind of time.
posted by jonmc 09 December | 14:37
I'm kind of sad today.
posted by mudpuppie 09 December | 14:38
What's a matter, pups?
posted by jrossi4r 09 December | 14:38
Oh, just about everything.

But at least I still have heroin.
posted by cmonkey 09 December | 14:40
Well good for you cmonkey! I know it makes me feel like I'm a man when I put a spike into my vein.
posted by jrossi4r 09 December | 14:42
I have a weird sort of lump feeling in my throat that's been coming & going lately. I'm pretty sure it's going to kill me soon. Or not.

Also, I'm fat and lazy and unmotivated.
posted by mygothlaundry 09 December | 14:43
headache. probably should eat something.
posted by ethylene 09 December | 14:47
sniffles as described. And an extreme lack of motivation despite the fact that my work is really exciting at the moment. Somehow all I want to do is lie in bed.

and I'm sexually frustrated. 3 days, dammit.
posted by gaspode 09 December | 14:49
Right ear plugged up by sinus madness. Wearing Pajamas in public. Need a haircut.
posted by rainbaby 09 December | 14:50
Plagued by crippling self-doubt and dicing with gum disease. Other than that, pretty good, though I could stand to lose a pound or thirty.
posted by PinkStainlessTail 09 December | 14:51
gaspode: is not your man legally bound to service you?
must have missed something
meanwhile, i no longer think lack of food is to blame and blame sunlight
posted by ethylene 09 December | 14:54
Dame? Thanks for asking. How are you?
posted by rainbaby 09 December | 14:57
Wildly irresponsible. Other than that, dandy.
posted by Divine_Wino 09 December | 15:01
I derive inordinate pleasure from going on five star crime sprees in GTA: San Andreas. And it pisses me off that I can't get to six stars.
posted by fenriq 09 December | 15:06
I told you, I'm hung over!

Three days? I should be so lucky!
posted by Specklet 09 December | 15:07
Well, I find the conversation in this AskMe kinda frustrating.

And the book I'm editing makes me wonder how people who can't actually write in English manage to get book contracts. (I know, I should stop being surprised.)

Also, I hate all my roomies. But I get to swim in eighteen hours. So I'm mostly okay. Have you seen my cigarettes?
posted by dame 09 December | 15:07
It might be quicker to list what's right with me. However, since you asked: work sucks; my beloved is working dayshift while I'm still stuck on swing; this leads to a situation similar to the one gaspode mentioned; meanwhile, my 45th birthday is breathing down my neck; and, having looked at my bank account, it's gonna be a lean Xmas this year. That's the top 5 for today.
posted by bmarkey 09 December | 15:08
ethylene, yep it's conflicting work schedules for me too. But with a weekend springs new hope.
posted by gaspode 09 December | 15:12
Also, I have poor self-esteem.
posted by dame 09 December | 15:12
Well, I find the conversation in this AskMe kinda frustrating.

Well, the equivalency between polyamory and swinging is a little off-base. Polyamorists don't squick me, swingers kinda do.

But I just need to finish my workday, then pour several barley pops down my neck, eat some cheesesteak, listen to some loud music and look at dirty pictures. This is the solution to all problems.
posted by jonmc 09 December | 15:12
I hurt somebody without meaning too, all the while bumbling around with good intentions, and they keep trying to tell me it's all right.
posted by rebirtha 09 December | 15:13
I just got clocked upside the head with a sippy cup. Ow.
posted by FunkyHelix 09 December | 15:14
ennui.
posted by goatdog 09 December | 15:14
Jon, you jumped ahead. How are you going to fix it? is the next question.
posted by dame 09 December | 15:18
i was just about to write something flip about how the application of a thin layer of hummus, tapenade and black beans and rice inside a soft burrito help with the first headache theory but have just received a phone call of two deaths and so slightly amended this to hit post and run.
sheesh.
glad i didn't make the kill my neighbors comment earlier. later all.
posted by ethylene 09 December | 15:18
Dame: Man, that thread irks me too.

Jonmc: Depends on the swingers involved. Remind me to tell you stories from my days in California sometime.

In a nutshell: horny, tired, in debt, lonely. But at least I'm not having a nic fit anymore.
posted by TrishaLynn 09 December | 15:19
Jon, you jumped ahead.

We'll add it to the list of what's wrong with me: impatient, does not take direction well, right after alcoholism and poor hygeine.
posted by jonmc 09 December | 15:20
I hope you're doing well, dame. Me? We don't have the time and I don't have the energy.
posted by deborah 09 December | 15:20
Well, I find the conversation in this AskMe kinda frustrating.

Me too.
posted by Specklet 09 December | 15:22
Oh yeah, I am a bundle of addictions and irresponsibilities, that is what I meant. Poor too. Luckily I find these faults to be hilarious.
posted by Divine_Wino 09 December | 15:26
D_W, I know where you live. Poor people do not live there.

But I'm glad we discovered another flaw for your list. Jon. The one with the longest list gets a cupcke, didn't ya know?
posted by dame 09 December | 15:30
Is it a beer-soaked beef cupcake? With A-1 sauce, mustard, and jalapenos?
posted by jonmc 09 December | 15:31
I think you need to go outside and think about how weak you are.

I hope you can laugh at that Divine_Wino, cause I have been all day.
posted by rainbaby 09 December | 15:31
Also, I just burned lunch. I fucking rock.
posted by bmarkey 09 December | 15:32
oh, wait, you said cupcke, which is an Eastern Slobovian dish involving dried smelt, beef paste, phyllo dough and #9 coal if I recall correctly.
posted by jonmc 09 December | 15:33
Oh, poor bmarkey.

Is it a beer-soaked beef cupcake? With A-1 sauce, mustard, and jalapenos?


No. Because beer and jalepenos are the only things on that list that are not so repulsive that the the earth shall be rid of them entirely once I assume power.
posted by dame 09 December | 15:35
*hands dame a beer-soaked jalapeno*
posted by jonmc 09 December | 15:36
Baby doll, I am poor because of where I live, it costs a bunch, it is totally worth it for many reasons, but it doesn't leave a lot left over, as it where. Plus you're bugging, I live across from section 8 housing, poor people live there, trust me.
posted by Divine_Wino 09 December | 15:37
Oh, poor bmarkey.


Well, it wasn't so far gone that it was inedible, so I've got that goin' for me.
posted by bmarkey 09 December | 15:38
Well, I live in Bushwick & I am poor, so I am poorer than you. So there. I will not acknowledge your slightly less poor poverty. But then again, you always call me such nice names, so maybe I'll take it all back.
posted by dame 09 December | 15:40
I've been poorer than both of you, Nyah!

(weird contest to be having)
posted by jonmc 09 December | 15:42
I feel weird. Plus, I couldn't think of a good reply. So I went for a less-than-sensical one. Bad plan?
posted by dame 09 December | 15:43
Well, all three of us's realtive poverty is to some degree voluntary. You two have degrees from good schools and if I had pulled my head out when I was a young idiot, I would've, too.
posted by jonmc 09 December | 15:45
Since we got our paystubs today, I calculated what I pull in after taxes, Transit Chek and health insurance get taken out. I had no idea I was making less than $20K a year. This makes me depressed in so many ways. I plan on fixing this by drinking a lot after work.
posted by TrishaLynn 09 December | 15:50
My poverty is totally voluntary, I work in fucking publishing, the last vestage of feudalism in modern American industry, I'm surprised I don't get paid in sacks of rye and that my boss doesn't get to sleep with my girl on our wedding night. If I had involuntary poverty I would be out fucking robbing banks and that...

Plus a film degree from a fancy liberal arts is not exactly a license to steal.

I'm surprised how happy I am most of the time, but I'm fucking well grateful for that too.
posted by Divine_Wino 09 December | 15:50
Jonmc: Then you'd be someone with a good degree from a good school and you'd be poor. ^_^
posted by TrishaLynn 09 December | 15:51
Well, sure, to the extent that you can say when given the choice between being dipped in boiling oil or ice cold water, choosing the ice water was voluntary.
posted by dame 09 December | 15:51
Also, I would like to note that this is way more fun than editing this giant pile of crap.
posted by dame 09 December | 15:53
I make marginally more money (but still not much by NYC standards) than I did in my twenties when I was working in either light manufacturing or retail and scraping by on less that $20k before taxes. During my PC salesman days, I had a breif taste of serious affluence because I am a persuasive motherfucker. I could sell beef stew to Paul mcCartney. But that company went semi-under. So my financial woes have been based on bad luck, bad decisions and corporate stupidity, and just plain tragicomic misadventure.
posted by jonmc 09 December | 15:57
WORD BOOGIE! Although once I get the printer fixed I am printing out a MS about how fucked up Nascar is which looks promising.
posted by Divine_Wino 09 December | 15:58
TriscaLynn from California hit a bell for me, and checking the profile, sure enough - a Subreality citizen. Unexplainable, but this makes me happy today.
posted by FunkyHelix 09 December | 16:02
Well, see this book *should* be good. But the damn author has never seen a sentence that he couldn't make convoluted, nonparallel, riddled with subject-verb disagreement, or some combination of the three.

I swear, if people saw what mss looked like before editors, we would make so much more money.
posted by dame 09 December | 16:02
(Or get bigger sacks of rye. But hey, we have summer hours!)
posted by dame 09 December | 16:03
My vision has been getting blurry lately- I think I might need glasses. That's what I get for boasting about my "perfect vision" for all these years. I haven't been sleeping or eating well the past few weeks. The boots I wore to work are not waterproof like I thought, and now the socks and shoes I have to walk home in are soaking wet.

But, I did just get paid all the money my old job owed me, so I'm going shopping tonight. First stop- Payless, for dry shoes.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 09 December | 16:06
I was curious and tried to figure out how much I made after taxes and benefits.

$14,000.

Holy mother of god, no wonder I'm planning on calling in twice next week with "flu" because I can't afford bus fare.
posted by kellydamnit 09 December | 16:08
I'd bet I'm the poorest here. I'm living on substantially less than four digits a year right now.

But that's not really what's wrong. I'm pretty okay with it, actually. The things that are truly wrong are familiar to most of you and boring to recite.

However, I know one thing that's really wrong. My cat died just under a year ago and I haven't gotten another and I really loved my (difficult) cat and she was a bullwark against being overly lonely. This year has kinda sucked that way.

posted by kmellis 09 December | 16:12
Eeyorefilter: my back hurts, job is going away, etc. But hey, I'm alive. And that's nice.
posted by moonbird 09 December | 16:14
I have some authors that deliver, just the cleanest stuff, like really pow, clean. It takes them forever and you really have to go over it really closely because they are the type to have 250 perfect pages and then a huge screw up, but still amazing stuff.

Then I have other authors which should have my name in big fucking letters on the front and with a mish-mash of nonsense slopped on page by this cretin, the author.


I also noticed about myself, that my editorial ability has to be turned on for work, and that I consistently turn out gibberish here, I'm like a dentist with bad teeth.

(Or get bigger sacks of rye. But hey, we have summer hours!)

You do, I don't. But I love my job except for the crap pay so I'll shut the F up.

kmellis:

I know that feeling, get another cat, taking care of a cat is the next best thing to taking care of your cat, I had to wait a year too, it hurts a lot less after that.
posted by Divine_Wino 09 December | 16:16
FunkyHelix: o.O!! Fancy seeing you here! Don't out me too much, okay? I like being a woman of mystery.
posted by TrishaLynn 09 December | 16:17
Gotcha. :)
posted by FunkyHelix 09 December | 16:23
The amusing thing about the poly thread is that since it was asked of non-poly people, you can tell who the polyamorists are by who didn't post in it.
posted by matildaben 09 December | 16:25
You do, I don't.

I thought you guys did. We don't either, but then again, I work at home, so I don't have hours.

I also noticed about myself, that my editorial ability has to be turned on for work, and that I consistently turn out gibberish here, I'm like a dentist with bad teeth.

Totally.

But I love my job except for the crap pay so I'll shut the F up.

Totally x 2. Except complaining makes it feel better.
posted by dame 09 December | 16:27
matildaben "The amusing thing about the poly thread is that since it was asked of non-poly people, you can tell who the polyamorists are by who didn't post in it."

CAN NOT!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 09 December | 16:28
Oh, and just for the record, lifestyle-oriented swingers squick *me* out too. But that's very different than most of the poly people I know, who from the outside look like ordinary paired-off folks, and don't go around talking about their other interests or laying on the TMI, unless it comes up as a valid point of conversation.
posted by matildaben 09 December | 16:37
can we get a better word than "poly?" I always want to pronounce it "poley," which makes them sound like some kind of Weeblesque toy.
posted by jonmc 09 December | 16:39
A whole bunch of my friends, all johnnies, use to be science editors of one sort or another for Holt, Rhinehart, & Winston, the textbook publisher. I was amazed at their low pay and how badly they were treated, especially since—I did not know this—the editors pretty much author the whole book. (This is true of secondary texts; I don't think it's the case with university texts.) And the secondary school textbook industry is a circus anyway. I think that I never once considered getting a job there. I was doing well in IT anyway. I did eventually move into IT tech writing, though.
posted by kmellis 09 December | 16:40
Back in the early 90's the going word was "polyfidelity", which I really hated. I guess "in an open relationship" is the most user-friendly term, although it excludes people who "are dating someone in an open relationship" or "would want an open relationship if they had any relationship at all", etc.

kmellis, my first real job was for a secondary schoolbook "book packaging" company in NYC.
posted by matildaben 09 December | 16:47
I'm poorer than all of y'all except possibly kmellis, because unless I get a job soon, I will be completely without income. I keep thinking I'm rich, because I cashed in a retirement fund & sold some stuff, so my bank account is temporarily fat, but in actual fact that is just enough money to get me through to mid January - and I've barely begun getting Christmas stuff. Gah.
posted by mygothlaundry 09 December | 16:50
and don't go around talking about their other interests or laying on the TMI, unless it comes up as a valid point of conversation.


To me, that's one of the most frustrating parts of the thread—all the people being like don't tell me, even if it comes up in conversation because you know it's weird and deviant. Because, you know, I'm a bad liar. So if you're gonna ask a question, you might get an answer you didn't expect. That and the people I know and like admitting they think it makes you automatically fucked-up or lesser somehow.

Also, I like "open relationship."
posted by dame 09 December | 16:51
I'm poor. I can't figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I look like a mime at night when I sleep b/c I have to wear cotton gloves. But I'm a newlywed so there is that glow getting me through.

I'm totally NOT into the holidays this year. Sounds liek lots of others aren't too. Whattup widdat?
posted by chewatadistance 09 December | 16:53
Yeah, well, I gotta take a shit.

A huge shit.
posted by Hugh Janus 09 December | 16:59
Oh, I also forgot to mention that people who put stuff in the database the wrong fucking way is what's wrong with me today, because I have to go in and fix it. Because I'm anal-retentive that way.

And I say I want to be an editor... Pfuit!
posted by TrishaLynn 09 December | 17:00
Dame, I know what you mean. It's like people who don't want to hear about gay or bisexual people because they "don't want to think about what you do in bed." Just because "what makes this person different than the norm" has *something* to do with their sex life, it's not just about their sex life, it's also about their friendships and their emotional life.

And then there's the whole stereotype that people think less of the person because it thinks it means that they are less able to commit (not true!) or emotionally messed up (actually you have to be pretty emotionally stable to carry out multiple relationships). I wonder how many of those people who hold to that stereotype actually have friends or people they know and respect who are in an open relationship, but don't know that about their friend?
posted by matildaben 09 December | 17:03
are we having a poor off? because i'm pretty sure
i've finally decided which side of the "gonna have a drink?" fence i'm falling on
*here hopefully endeth a weird day*
posted by ethylene 09 December | 17:07
btw: i can't bring myself to read the poly thread right now but i did kinda get hit on by a widow to add to the creepiness factor.
the dead people aren't unexpected or a personal emotional problem, just especially weird to find out right then.
and now.
and the sun is setting.
*phew*
posted by ethylene 09 December | 17:16
I don't really want to hear or think about what anyone does in bed. Or, frankly, what they do in their friendships or emotional life. I don't want to sit around and hear about how much so-and-so boy loves such-and-such girl, blah blah blah. So and so boy, boy, girl, girl, all those permutations, you catch my drift. I don't define myself beyond myself, and pairing with anybody of any sex or species has nothing to do with me, so that's why I have a problem with everything being about sexual (emotional, what-have-you) preference.

I'm not interested in it, from anyone. And I usually say it more or less in that particular way you mention above that you find offensive. I don't mean it the way you take it, but that's no big deal either. Nor will it be if you take this explanation wrong. I'm resigned to being misunderstood when I say my sexual preference is none. I'm heartbroken, and I don't want to hear about it.

I love everyone because I no longer want to love anyone. It's goofy, I know, and probably counterproductive. I'll end up a wreck. So what? I don't care.

Is it really that wrong to not want to hear about it?
posted by Hugh Janus 09 December | 17:17
Hugh, I guess that makes you just as much of a misunderstood minority, just in the other direction.

Hopefully, since this is MetaChat, we can all just get along anyway.
posted by matildaben 09 December | 17:27
my organic chemistry final is on monday. i'm going to die.
posted by mayfly wake 09 December | 17:37
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way Hugh. But I think it is unfair to expect people to elide giant parts of their lives.

Anyway, I love you.

And matildaben I love too. Cause she totally gets it.
posted by dame 09 December | 17:37
[going to find the poly thread. because it wants crackers.]
posted by chewatadistance 09 December | 17:43
Today, it's dealing with exes.

And not enough sleep.
posted by jokeefe 09 December | 18:00
And I wish I could surgically remove that part of mind that is so interwoven with the internet right now.

Yes, yes, I see the irony, believe me.
posted by jokeefe 09 December | 18:03
on the poly thing...

I wouldn't care at all if someone told me something like [the conversation described]. It would be interesting, if i didn't feel like I was being set up, and I would probably ask questions and discuss.

But I think that what at least some of the "TMI" people are talking about is that situation where you have someone giving you all kinds of details about something you really just don't care about at all, purely for their own gratification.

Sometimes you get stuck in these conversations where the other party is desperately, doggedly determined to score some specific impression on you, and really, obviously working the discussion to make that happen... so they keep talking about their job / car / education / sex life / deep thoughts... and it's just extremely deadly tedious.
posted by taz 09 December | 18:10
Dear Hugh, (though I'm sure this is too late for you to read it) you are heartbroken because you do love in just the way that you claim that you don't want to. The bad news is that there's no point in trying to eviscerate that part of you. It is. As it always has been. Conversely, the good news is that there's no point in trying to eviscerate that part of you. It is. As it always has been.

You will be a kind of wreck for awhile, as everyone is, now and again. You will get sick of self pity and get off your ass, as most of us do. You will heal. You will love again. We will continue to love now as we will in the future, just as we did in the past and days will pass. And things will be good.

Have a [intentionally left unqualified] weekend, little pooter. Life goes on and there's a wonderful beauty in that.
posted by Frisbee Girl 09 December | 18:12
Taz, I totally agree. That's why I generally can't stand people who are mind-numbingly wrapped up in ANY specific lifestyle and can't talk about anything else, whether it's polyamory, BDSM, goth, renfaire, burning man, football, nascar, whatever.
posted by matildaben 09 December | 18:17
that situation where you have someone giving you all kinds of details about something you really just don't care about at all, purely for their own gratification.

and the clueless. let's not forget the clueless. and/or somewhat to extremely psychotic.
and the children. let's not forget the children.

and i whether or not he ever loves again, i want to call Hugh little pooter.

jokeefe: get me an electrified wire, two roach clips and a mini cam

meanwhile, i'm going to defeat this headache and/or decide what will erode my liver less.

Is it really that wrong to not want to read those people's opinions on polyamory?
cuz, i don't care right now, nearly as much as how people look in south park.
posted by ethylene 09 December | 18:25
I totally want to call Hugh little pooter too!
posted by Specklet 09 December | 18:39
Me, I wanna slit my wrists. Other than that, and my fourth consecutive fucking week of being sick, and I'm okay. Which, really, means I'm not.
posted by Five Fresh Fish 09 December | 18:42
I totally want to call Hugh little pooter too!
Honestly, Speck, I'm not the least bit certain that Hugh's comment was sincere, so in the end, it may be that the nick is that much more funny.
posted by Frisbee Girl 09 December | 19:10
I am developing man boobs
They are not nice man boobs

I am afraid of people
I am angry
Sometimes I drink too much
When I drink too much I am angry and not afraid of people

I have a perfect plan for achieving artistic/creative success
I am incredibly lazy

But I'm hung like a horse.
posted by Cryptical Envelopment 09 December | 19:58
Cryptical: So to go along with the follow-up thread, how are you going to "fix" that? ^_^
posted by TrishaLynn 09 December | 21:06
I want to explain to my girlfriend that I think I'm polyamorous.

*ducks tomatoes*

What?
posted by Eideteker 09 December | 21:12
My lower back is extremely painful and I always get here late for the party.
posted by arse_hat 09 December | 21:21
I am powerless over the internet, but my life isn't unmanageable.

*looks for roach clips*
posted by jokeefe 09 December | 21:30
But I'm hung like a horse.

A gelding? Just kidding.
posted by kmellis 09 December | 21:38
Hahaha. I was just going to reply to TrishaLynn: Circumcision! Not ready for gelding status quite yet! Though they do hang too low...
posted by Cryptical Envelopment 09 December | 21:46
Ever since I saw The Last Seduction, I involuntarily, without fail, think about that scene in it when someone says "hung like a horse".
posted by kmellis 09 December | 22:29
I'm tired.
posted by LeeJay 09 December | 23:12
aw Hugh, I loves you.

Not that you care. and also me = drunk. But I like eating vietnamese food with you. it's gotta count for something.
posted by gaspode 10 December | 03:15
Right now? Uh, job, money, love, friends, the whole schmiel. And I can't even type today. Also late to the party due to the Southernness of my hemisphere.

But I no complain.
posted by bdave 10 December | 21:25
As usual, I appear more argumentative than I mean. Surprisingly, I also appear insincere. That makes me feel pretty bad.

My approach to people talking about sexual/emotional matters is wrong, and I know it. It's complicated. I don't want to talk about it, really, but it's been six years since I've felt anything but a drunken hardon for a girl who smelled good at a party, and I don't act on those. I sometimes lie to my friends to make them feel better about me, and to get them to stop pushing me about meeting girls. I know someone might come along, and I've learned to live with myself until then. I've had enough sex with men, as a child and as an adult, to know that I'm not gay. Once I was in love and it ended tragically, and we tried to pick up the pieces but they were too heavy. It's complicated, you see?

My point is that it's complicated for a whole lot of people. I don't complain because I know that I've been happy before, and I'll be happy again, and anyone I speak to has their own sadness that I'll just stir up by laying my own on them.

Which brings me to my reason for posting in the first place. I understood matildaben (and of course we can get along, mb) to mean that people who "dont want to hear about it" are all the same -- they're just "normals" who don't want to hear about "abnormals." I think her statement smacks of the same pigeonholing intolerance that it derides. You don't know why I feel like I do, and it just might take a great deal of courage for me to tell you how I feel, even if how I feel is the opposite of what you might consider "courageous." Even if how I feel is, "I don't want to hear about it."

That's something I almost never say, just grin and bear it, because I know I'm the weirdo. The only reason I wrote what I did was to try to make the point that you don't know what motivates anyone to say anything. You just have to try to understand them, or, failing that, ignore them. But don't doubt their sincerity.

That shit hurts.

And thanks, guys, for your kind words. It's really not that bad. Life, ya know? The sun is shining, and people all over still smile.
posted by Hugh Janus 12 December | 09:52
We are all the weirdo.
posted by Divine_Wino 13 December | 11:10
Hugh, you are, as ever, articulate. My take is this: given some recent posts and comments that have garnered sympathy and support only to be confessed as jokes as well as a bizarre combination of apologizing and acting out, drawing attention to the acting out (for lack of a better term), followed by requests to be called out in order that you may proceed to do more of the same with impunity - yes, you're right, it is complicated, but it's also often made more complicated than it needs to be - reacting with disappointment that someone doubts your sincerity is a bit over the top.

The 'wacky' factor was pretty high on the thread and posts and it's awesome that we can and do have fun here, BUT I reserve the right to question more and invest less when it's anyone's guess as to whether sport is the order of the day or not. And especially when I don't play that way.

You may call me jaded, I consider it judicious.
posted by Frisbee Girl 13 December | 13:07
I understand completely. You're right to doubt me, because I've been acting crazy recently. I wrote this last thing out of hurt, and by way of explanation, and also to sort some of my own things out at the end of a thread I thought few would look at; it was real, but I can't expect your trust on that.

I haven't been fair to the community in a while, particularly when I posted that inside joke (it was in response to a phone message, but whatever) and when I did that inappropriate masturbation stuff on your thread (*yawn*). I think that covers it, though, right? I'm sorry.

I always tried to be me in threads. Most of the time that meant I was joking. Sometimes that meant I was seriously contributing to what I consider an interesting discussion. Rarely, ever so rarely, I tried to elucidate something held deep in me. I understand that it wasn't always clear which one I was doing.

You're completely within your rights to think I'm lying, or whatever. I'm sorry to have betrayed your trust, and I won't do it in the future. I thought my explanation would help, but it just seems to have ticked you off.

Sorry I wasn't more decent. This apology is real, and won't be followed up with childish behavior. I fucked up, and hopefully time will sort it out.

If not, I feel terrible to have lost the regard of someone whose conversation I enjoyed so much.

I've had a bad year. Mecha has been a bright spot, and you've been a bright spot in mecha, Frisbee Girl.

Maybe things will work out better next time around.
posted by Hugh Janus 13 December | 14:53
See, Hugh, I think that this is where life's capacity for complication completely outbids our own paltry attempts and why I set aside said attempts years ago.

For me there's no anger or sense of betrayal or even misused trust, there's simply an adjustment or a recalibration, as it were. We're on tricky ground here, trying to mix the medias and messages that import emotion and intent, vulnerability and strength, compassion and the ocassional necessary reality check.

Life is not easy, my friend, nor will it ever be. The best thing that we can hope for is true blue friends who are willing to take our words with a (sometimes very appropriate pound of salt), but still stand beside us through thick and thin, ugly and sublimely beautiful.

You have been checked, but you didn't fuck up. I have found some of what you say to deserve a side of salt, perhaps a copious one and have put some salt in reserve for future incidents. So the fuck what? There will be future incidents. WE WILL ALL HAVE THESE MOMENTS. That's the point. No one is exempt.

I'm not asking or expecting you to be perfect, I'm merely explaining my, equally human, reaction. Even that doesn't change the fact that not only do you rock, but my declaration to the affirmative or negative bears little weight in the ultimate outcome.

In fact, you've lost nothing at all on my end. You've been vulnerable and engaging (if esoterically so, at times) but you have been your 'you' without reproach and that is a wonderful thing. Please know that.

If the above doesn't settle you, there's the comfort that I am nothing more than fonted letters on a monitor that, along with everything else, will disappear someday.
posted by Frisbee Girl 13 December | 17:20
...the comfort that I am nothing more than fonted letters on a monitor that, along with everything else, will disappear someday.

Say it ain't so, Fris. You're a whole lot more (or I wouldn't expose myself to you like this). Thanks.

Jeez, I can't seem to go a single thread without exposing myself to someone or other.

I'm gonna go take in a play reading, slide on home to sleep, and wake up tomorrow with a lighter coat of self-pity than I've been wearing of late. Maybe I'll tell you guys a story about wild, wonderful West Virginia, straight from the vault.

Thanks again, Frisbee Girl. You're a dime.
posted by Hugh Janus 13 December | 19:18
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