Speaking as a woman (though not for all, obviously): An invitation like this would definitely indicate at least the possibility of non-platonic interest, unless a platonic relationship had already been firmly established. Also, since it seems she didn't ask something like "why aren't you going with [ex-girlfriend], or unless she believes that the three of you are going all together, she may already be aware of your new status.

And... if I were already interested in a guy, I would probably be keeping right up to date on the state of his availability - so it's possible that she's already thinking along the same lines as you, punch. Either way, just relax, compliment her sincerely (as appropriate), and if it turns out to be an enjoyable evening together, suggest another, just-the-two-you date... And all should become clear. The "relax" part will definitely help, whatever the outcome.

I second the chill solution above. Whatever happens you'll know soon enough which way it's going. Just say to yourself, 'We're going to have a great time' and do that.

And best of luck.

This post edited by me to refrain from repeating Taz's points above ;)

Popping in for a third 'yup'. Adding also that 'relaxed' is an extremely attractive quality.

Right! Relaxed! How do I do that? It's not really my strong suit in these sorts of situations. You could probably already tell that. I seem to get really excited about things or totally uninterested. Is there a middle ground?

Thanks for the great advice. It is mainly heartening to see what taz said.

Relaxed doesn't necessarily mean unenthusiastic or without a pulse. Of course you'll be nervous, but so will she. Get her talking about something she's interested in. Ask her lots of questions about it, or herself. People often respond to interest with interest.

The best thing is that the hard part is already over: you asked her out, she said 'yes'. Now, it's about enjoying the evening and things tend to take care of themselves once the ball is rolling.

Relaxing. Well, it's sort of funny, but it takes a little practice, so just go ahead and start with this opportunity. Mainly it has to do with not thinking about yourself, but enjoying and focusing on what is around you - the conversation of someone interesting, the view, the atmosphere of a place, the way the sunlight and shadows are interacting, the taste of something, colors.... a million things. I'm always observing what is happening socially as well - like the dynamics between people, who's feeling uncomfortable and why (and I try to help them out if I can).

And when I listen to somebody, I really, really listen, and try to respond as honestly as possible with the thoughts or questions that their conversation inspires in me; if they are "fake talking" (empty chatter meant to impress one with their intelligence, job, car, wealth, etc., or bullshit gossip stuff... I try to find someone else to talk to, and if that fails, then I stop listening and just mentally concentrate on the other things I mentioned).

This is how I stay relaxed. For me, the most nervewracking thing is to always wonder what someone is thinking about how I look, what I'm saying or how I'm saying it, how I'm dressed, etc. Once I learned to pretty much eliminate those distractions, I became the amazingly charming and popular person I am today! ;0

When you pick her up for the dinner, say, "You look lovely tonight." She'll figure it out, if she hasn't already.

I think relaxing is overrated. I get barf-in-the-bathroom nervous before dates with new people (among other things). When the dates work out and I start a relationship with the person, it's delightful to think back, months later, to how anxious I was and how lovely everything turned out. That might be slightly weird, though. Taz's amazing perspective looks tempting; I just don't think I could do it.

I guess I'm just sayin', I think it's okay to be nervous / excited and not totally relaxed. Have fun.

"Fancy dinner" doesn't sound relaxing, date or no.

Oh come on, it's a fancy dinner, not the Spanish Inquisition or an audience with the Pope. (Well, unless it *is* an audience with the Pope.) If an individual is unable to conduct themselves in a warm and engaging (in my mind this equals 'relaxed' because of the social dynamic it fosters) manner in such a situation then it might not be a situation that's highly conducive to an enjoyable first date. Or future dinner invites, for that matter.

Decorum and fun need not be mutually exclusive, but I do think that letting nerves take over to the point where one over-compensates by trying too hard to impress or treating their date like a social accessory is wandering into first date deal-breaker territory.

Getting to know her better will take care of some of the details (whether you want to date her, her knowing you're single). People like to jump into the MUST MATE FOR LIFE deal without getting to know the person first.

Sounds like you have everything under control, though. Go get 'em, champ!

Taz, that last comment you wrote was really beautiful. I should frame that.

"Fancy dinner" doesn't sound relaxing, date or no.

An organization I'm in has an annual Christmas dinner featuring carol singing (not by the people dining, thank God). Despite the fact that you have to dress up for it, it is really fun. We will both know people there so we won't have the stress of needing to talk to each other the whole time, so in many ways I think this is the perfect way to get to know someone better in a fun setting.

You guys are all awesome.

If all else fails, just whip out your junk at the table and say "not bad, eh?"

Well that would make my intentions pretty clear, wouldn't it?

I find it helps to be direct.

Sounds like a lot of fun, punch! And yea, like everybody said, since you asked her, she probably knows you're single. So go get 'em!

And get real drunk before you pick her up. Chicks dig that.

And if you do score, make sure to ask her to make you breakfast in the morning. Chicks love that.

≡ Click to see image ≡

warbaby is speechless. Speechless, I tell you!

Try not to vomit on her, I did that once and the girl was not impressed.

and he's a square, too.

Try not to vomit on her, I did that once and the girl was not impressed.

fuckin' prudes, man.

Fuckin' prudes is not as much fun as it sounds.

So how do you get people talking about things in which they're interested?

Flattery.

What interests you, kenko?

So how do you get people talking about things in which they're interested?
posted by kenko 28 November | 12:34

Ask questions, listen and pay attention, especially to details.

People disparage small talk, but it can be a great way to open a door. You might be surprised how much you can learn about someone if you ask them with, genuine interest, what they did last weekend/on their vacation/for their birthday, for example. I find that it's fairly easy to tell what interests them and then pursue those lines of communication.

And punch, we'd love a follow-up, if it wouldn't be too much trouble!

OK, you'll get one, but this won't be until later in the week. :)

Don't expect anything earth-shattering this time, because I sure don't.

"Fancy dinner" doesn't sound relaxing, date or no.

Depends who you're with. I was in a similar situation once and my company was a bunch of geeks, Filipinos, and geeky Filipinos, so it was pretty fun. But I could imagine situations where it wouldn't be.