His wife said she washed her hair before the officer arrived to take her complaint.

A likely story!

Honestly, I was sure this'd be a link to irc.

All joking aside, how is this considered "Third-offense criminal domestic violence"? I mean, I get the third-offense part but is this really criminal domestic violence? Squeezing cheese in someone's hair? And if that's the case why isn't she charged with vandalism for squeezing it on his truck? Or perhaps she was, who knows? It just seems so...frivolous. Of course we can't know the whole story and obviously the guy sounds like a Class A jerk. Maybe I am overthinking the cheese-squeezing incident.

It's Chinatown, Jake.

It's considered domestic violence because it is a male squeezing cheese on a female. If a female squeezed cheese on a male, it would be considered self-defence because we all know that women are not ever violent unless provoked beyond human tolerance by a male.

But still, What. The. Fuck?

His wife had crackers in her hair. He was only trying to help.

No South Carolina jury is going to convict a man who was defending his pickup truck from his wife.