Next time I'll use more inside. Sorry.

Ha! You wish it were that easy!

You could try it, and it might turn out all right... But no, I don't think it's really a very accurate predictor. I've known people who were very close to their parents, but who were also very spoiled and demanding - which makes them not the best of mates. I've known others who had a really bad time with one or more of their parents who turned out to be wonderful spouses and parents themselves.

In fact, when I think of four of the best marriages I know, three of them don't fit your pattern. Of the women, one had a pretty much totally insane mother, one had a not-so-into-the-whole-"mom"-thing mother, one lost her mother (death) when she was very young, and one has a wonderful, loving mother.

Damn you and your more extensive life experience. Guess I'll have to resort to more sound methods like phrenology. Only problem is that it's hard to get accurate measures of people's heads without telling them what you are doing, so I won't be able to do this until I'm sleeping with them.

Very young adults tend to ape their parents ways of handling the world. After 21 or so, that's no excuse for fucked-uppedness.

It's tough to get past the "blame the mom" part of your message, punch.

People aren't fruit; EVERYONE has baggage. Sweet and caring is a damned short list of positive characteristics, and are also the easiest to fake.

There's plenty of fine well-rounded, sane, decent people out there who have survived horrific parents.

Just my 2 cents' worth...

If people were math problems, your equations would solve true. They're not, so they don't.

My experiences have been along the same lines as punch's, but I wouldn't go so far as to making it a pre-requisite for dating someone. As taz suggests it may have more to do with the mother and less to do with the daughter. There is no strict formula (as melissa may mentions).

I asked my wife to marry me before I even met her mom, but I did know they were close. Whether I lucked out or not is debatable, but I have a really strong relationship with my mother-in-law too, and for that I am very grateful.

Good luck, punch.

Spellcheck is still broken (at least in Safari 2)

what taz and melissa may said. if I may add an observation, I have noticed that people (men and women alike) who are rude/annoying/way too picky to restaurant staff, generally end up being problematic boyfriends/girlfriends/partners

Ha! You wish people were more polite!

No, I'm with matteo on that one. I watch dates at restaurants and if they're unpleasant to the staff and/or tip badly? I'm gone. It means that they're arrogant assholes.

punch, you may not be able to predict your relationships based on how your SO's family gets along, but I swear you can tell something about how she'll look in 30 years by looking at her mom. ;-)

I really do think there is something to the idea that "if they're rude to the waiter, they aren't a nice person."

Sweet and caring is a damned short list of positive characteristics, and are also the easiest to fake.

Perhaps, but you can see sometimes that they definitively aren't there.

I love my mom. But I'm a crappy wife and a horrible human being.

Seriously, though, sometimes when people don't get along with their parents its because they're nice people and their parents are not.

But I agree that you should run like hell from people that are mean to waitstaff.

Hey, what's wrong with having fucked up mental issues? who doesn't?

I'm going to third the notion that restaurant behaviour and waiter/waitress treatment are very reliable indicators on chronic selfish assholery.

Seriously, what is wrong with people like that?

I fourth it! I was a waiter for a year, and a busboy for a little bit.
Not a "server" or a "backwaiter".

edible, please check your gmail when you have a minute. I sent you some questions directly as I feel this thread has been derailed enough

Derail away!

/me marks taz as best answer

I always thought that the maternal relationship was a marker for how messed up/not messed up men are, and that the paternal relationship was more important with regard to women.

All of the things you describe I've found to be true by finding out what the father-daughter relationship is/was like.