MetaChat - I just ate collard greens

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01 November 2005

I just ate collard greens and they were freakishly wonderful. Took some back to my room and am going to have a cold collard greens and Miracle Whip sandwich in the morning.

post by: DeepFriedTwinkies at: 22:52 | 18 comments

I was with you up to the point that you mentioned the Whip.

posted by cali 01 November | 22:57

Yeah, I'm not sure about the Miracle Whip part either but collard greens are heavenly.

posted by LeeJay 01 November | 23:01

ewwwwwww!!!

posted by ramix 01 November | 23:09

Greens? Good. Whip? Not so much.

posted by bmarkey 01 November | 23:10

On Wonder Bread?

posted by puddinghead 01 November | 23:21

I didn't used to like Miracle Whip, since I was raised in a Hellman's Mayonaise family. The mrs. is a fiend for it, though. It grows on you.

posted by jonmc 01 November | 23:31

collard is such a weird word (and very very foreign and American)

I've always thought that there were renegade vegetables, marauding around the countryside at night-time in gangs and finally skulking up a dead-end alley only to be cornered by the authorities. 'collard'.

Or else 'collared' (see, I heard it in movies before I ever saw it spelled) in which case they are either upstanding economy driving commuting type vegetables or they are one of the above bad veggies who is getting his comeuppance on the gallows.

These are true thoughts I had while growing up. Don't spoil it all by explaining what collard actually means.

posted by peacay 01 November | 23:34

Miracle Whip is admittedly an acquired taste, but it's good with certain food. Like Velveeta grilled sandwiches.

And peacay, you got it exactly right. Collards are well known to pester radishes and cilantro. Sleep well tonight.

posted by DeepFriedTwinkies 01 November | 23:37

peacay, no worries. I had similar misconceptions about mustard greens.

posted by LeeJay 01 November | 23:43

After putting away most of a cloyingly rich side order of potato salad from a bagel shop today I realized that potato salad is simply an excuse to eat mayonnaise. I came to the same conclusion some time ago about slathering butter on cooked veggies: the veggies are just a vehicle for conveying butter into the pie hole; they contribute comparatively little calorically.

posted by George_Spiggott 02 November | 01:02

Damn computer ate my reply...grrr.

Anyway, I agree with you George_Spiggott. Baked potatoes serve a similar function for me, namely that they allow me to eat bacon without having to admit that I am eating bacon. When sprinkled on top of a baked potato, bacon goes from fatty, greasy sodium-bomb to innocuous "topping".

posted by LeeJay 02 November | 02:14

Our potato salad had vinigrette on it as often as not. (It's good, when it's done right.)

It was explained to me by a boyfriend in all seriousness that this was because our whole town was un-American.

The clincher was that more kids played soccer than football.

There were some other damning bits of evidence but I don't remember them.

posted by small_ruminant 02 November | 03:05

ack. the only greens I can do are spinach and lettuces. Also known as Lettoochie. Greens have this weird effect on my teeth - it dries them out or something, so that each tooth feels like one of those rocks you remove callouses on your feet with. Can't do it.

posted by chewatadistance 02 November | 07:12

White folks are crazy. Ruining good collard greens.

posted by Eideteker 02 November | 07:44

Collard greens are brilliant. As is this:

Throw you hands in the ayur, an wave em like you just don't cay-er, and if you like fish and grits and all that other pimp* shit, somebody say oh-yayer.

*I think pimps and pimpery are the tiredest most non-starting trope in all of criminality (despite having a fairly good Iceberg Slim library), however that's the lyric, you can't unscew that lightbulb.

PPS. White folks are even crazier than that Eideteker.

posted by Divine_Wino 02 November | 09:46

Some collard greens cooked with a little bacon or salt pork go mighty fine with some Carolina-style pulled pork barbecue and some succotash made with black-eyed peas.

You should try some chard, too. I like mine with a little red wine vinegar or balsamic vinegar.

posted by briank 02 November | 10:12

Greens have this weird effect on my teeth

Spinach does this to me, but not other greens. It's the iron in them, no lie.

I love all greens (even spinach, which tastes of iron) and make them regularly. I even dare to say that my collard greens are better then my momma.

posted by Specklet 02 November | 13:26

collard is such a weird word (and very very foreign and American)

There's a series of mystery novels by an author named Michael raliegh set in Uptown, a very multi-ethnis area of Chicago. A recurring gag features two Persian greasy-spoon operators who are constantly adding to the menu to accomadate the neighborhoods residents. One incident has a proprieter telling the main character with a blissfully clueless smile "Look at our new dish: colored greens, for the black people!"

posted by jonmc 02 November | 14:35

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