In the drugstore yesterday, the guy in line in front of me was buying a box of Immodium AD. When the clerk asked him "How's it going," the guy simply said "Shitty."

(As he was leaving the counter, the clerk said "Good luck with that.")

someone was padding along yesterday night and I heard him say

"People are always lining up at ATM's in Canada."

I guess he was from some country that doesn't use money.

Okay, I have a long story which I might as well put here. This happened a couple of years ago and I will never forget it. Down the street from my house is a little Kwikee-Mart type gas station convenience store called BJs food mart, run by an ever rotating succession of workaholic Indian families. I was in there one Friday evening buying beer and cigarettes - Friday evenings are very busy at BJs so I was standing in the long line, enjoying the blasting Indian music and the incense and the weird mix that was my fellow customers. In front of me was a larger nicely dressed black lady in a major hat.

So in comes this local bum, weaving a little, grungy, and as he tries to get through the line to the beer cooler he bumps into the lady. And she says, "Excuse me!" very loud, and he kind of mumbles an apology. So she says, louder, "What did you say?" and he says, also louder, "Uh, sorry, sorry." Then she says, "What are you doing?" and he says, a little belligerent, "I'm just tryin' to get me some beer." She says, "What's your name?" and this time her voice would fill the church, I mean she is starting to sing out. He looks around and mumbles, "Billy." She says, "Billy, you don't need any more beer." and he says, "I just wanna get some beer, okay?" Then she really starts. She sings out "HEAR ME LORD JESUS! LORD JESUS, HEAR ME!" Billy is starting to look a little frantic at this point and all conversation in the store has ceased. Everyone is watching and if it wasn't for the Indian music you could have heard a pin drop. She goes on:"LORD JESUS, I WANT YOU TO HEAL THIS MAN! HEAL THIS BILLY, OH LORD! BILLY, LORD JESUS IS GOING TO HEAL YOUR SOUL. NOT RIGHT NOW, BUT TOMORROW, WHEN YOU WAKE UP, BILLY, YOU WILL NO LONGER WANT ANY MORE BEER! LORD JESUS WILL HAVE HEALED YOU! CAN I GET AN AMEN?" and so Billy mutters, "Amen." and she says, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! CAN I GET AN AMEN?!" so Billy - and most of the customers - say, "AMEN!"

Then she let Billy go on his way to the cooler where he was muttering "I just want me some beer. . just gonna git a little beer" and the line started moving again and people started talking again and that was it. It was great.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLLOL @ everyone!

I was in the grocery several years ago and this woman was standing at the chicken fridge with her daughter, whoo looked about 8. The daughter goes, "Mom, does chicken meat come from pigs?"

I was in a bookstore and overheard a boy of about 10 saying to his mother "Look mom, they have Calvin and his Hobbies!"

(Calvin & Hobbes)

The reverse.

Sitting in a Robin's Donuts as a teen, talking Dungeons and Dragons with friends -- about what had gone on during the weekend session. In particular, I'm going on and on about this little heist gone wrong... "And so the guards arrive and we manage to shimmy through this hole in the wall to some kinda back storage room. Well, someone sticks his head on through after us so I *smash* it! Well... a little too hard. This guy is dead! Then we know we gotta get outta there and it's a virtual bloodbath from that point forward"

At this point, we notice the slightly odd guy sitting nearby who's been listening in decides to sidle over and says as his intro: "You seem like cool guys".

*shudder*

Another reverse situation:

(me on cell phone): "yeah, I potted it, then I flop the nuts and he shoves it all in -pause- yeah, I love this guy -pause- so anyway, I turn the nuts but he manages to rape me on the end -pause- yeah, it wouldn't be any fun if it never hurt."

(I realize the look some lady is giving me... and start laughing my ass off)

Good one, mosch!