The Essential Hamlet →[More:]
His heart tied in torturous loops,
Hamlet fears he hears someone that snoops
What ho! It's a rat!
Take this! And take that!
Oh! Sorry, Polonius (oops).

King C., full of regal concern
Sends Hamlet off, ne'er to return
Guess who takes the whacks
From the Englishman's axe?
Good Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

(But nobody knows in advance
Which is which, so I won't look askance
If you said that instead,
They cut off the heads
Of Good Guildenstern and Rosencrantz)

So: Prince H. and the queen got betrayed
King C. and his rogue got the blade
The windbag--deflated
Friends--decapitated
And madness devoured the maid.

Epilogue:
Ophelia, feeling no pain,
And freed from the need to abstain,
Delcared, "It's much better
With big Irish Settters...
I've been fucked quite enough by Great Danes."