Frisbee Girl, I have a crush on you. Let's go bowling, watch Buckaroo Banzai, I'll make you delicious cocktails and we'll go shopping for bowling shirts.

swoons

That was pure poetry, warbaby.

*hums Love is in the air...*

You're dating guys and they are complaining about a lack of romance? You're asking about a male's idea of romance? Are you sure he didn't say blow jobs?

Good point, Carbolic. Because every time a guy says "blow jobs", us women hear "romance". Which is why just repeating those two words over and over again has proven to be so successful.

Spontaneity. Creativity. Generosity. Nerve. Especially when mixed, and coated in a hard, anti-embarassment shell.

plo chops

John Warbaby! Give me the Oscillation Overthruster!

Bringing home wild sunflowers from a bike ride. Doing the dishes. Cooking dinner. Snuggling together in bed, wordless, and reading good books. Knowing when to shut up. Knowing when to say "I was wrong" and "I'm sorry" - knowing when to drop it.

Starting to say the same thing, simultaneously, stopping, and then starting together again. Pet names.

Laughter. Pestering. Lifting. Wandering the house naked, careless. Fantasy enactment and fulfillment. Comfort. Knowing what "languid" means and is. Trust. Strength. Weakness. Peace. Antagonism.

Knowing that love is more than lust or pheremones.

And so much more and so many different things to so many different people. It's not all candy and flowers and sappy poetry - to many, those are anti-romance.

(Note: none of these are gender-specific. I do the bulk of the dishes and cooking in this house. But then, my girlfriend brings home the bulk of the bacon.)

what he said, and i'll throw in tiny random touches, little acts of consideration and sharing, etc.

The definition of romance varies from person to person. loq posted great stuff for a happy and loving relationship, but I wouldn't consider a good chunk of it to be romance. I'm not saying it's wrong, but just that it really depends on what your SO meant by "romance".

*hands Loquatious Warfin a rubber chicken*

This is a really good question. Out of the two of us, my husband is definitely the more romantic, and I feel guilty about it sometimes. He's very demonstrative and thoughtful, and shows me in a lot of ways that he's thinking about me. I have to make a concerted effort to do it, but it comes naturally to him. Luckily, he doesn't receive romantic gestures nearly as well as he gives them, so it's probably a win-win situation for me.

So my idea of romance, as it relates to me. I find it incredibly romantic when he remembers some trivial thing that I've said that I like or am charmed by, and months later, he gives it to me. There's always that "o wow he was really listening and he remembered all this time" thing that just bowls me over. Something like that just turns me to an malleable mass of putty. I'm not talking about anything expensive either - I'm not a jewelry girl (a fact for which my husband is eternally grateful) - it could be a flower that I saw when we went for a bike ride and had said that I liked, or some scented oil that six months before I had said I was having a dickens of a time locating...stuff like that.

I think nothing is more romantic than sitting with your legs all tangled up in each other, and just talking and laughing - the kind of intimate conversations that you only have with that one special person.

Music is romantic. Frank Sinatra especially. The kind of Frank Sinatra that you play on a Sunday afternoon when the two of you have decided to take the whole day to make a great dinner together.

I read iconomy's post and nodded the whole way through. Maybe we are the same person. We are at least married to the same man.

What I find incredibly romantic is when men don't buy into worn out cliches. My husband was the first guy who actually listened to me when I said I hated valentine's day, and not to get me something. He didn't assume I was talking in girl code for "you better get me something or there will be hell to pay". Likewise when I expressed my disinterest in an engagement ring, he ignored his female friends and bought me an ipod instead (and I gave him a gift as well).

Hoo wee! Way to deliver, ladies and gentlemen. In response to Carbolic's post, allow me to clarify:

A) I am neither in nor actively seeking a relationship.

B) The most recent obeservation was made by a good female friend who is very married and heterosexual.

I respect the comments made here because of their articulate strength and as a group of people who seem to tend more toward evaluating and re-writing the rules as opposed to blindly accepting them, I wanted individual perspectives.

That, said, I fully believe that 'plo chops' can, in fact, be romantic under the right circumstances.

What I find incredibly romantic is when men don't buy into worn out cliches.

It works the same way for us. As a man, I do like getting flowers on Valentine's (if anything is to be done at all). If I were a woman, I could easily imagine that not being the case.

To me, the essence of romance in a lot of cases rests in the idea of pleasant surprise. Something not that only evades cliches but also departs from what each person considers a normal event in his or her lie is a good candidate. It breaks up the regular pattern of life and also increases intimacy, because doing something random and/or weird generally requires the input of both parties to make it engaging. Watching a movie together all the time allows the people in the relationship to get lazy with communication and interaction (that doesn't apply to everyone but I've found it to be true a lot).

Plo chops are, of course, a good caper to any romantic night, however.

i see romance, i think drama. melodrama.
i think romance and i think seduction or intrigue.

what i want of romance in the sense of "being romantic" is, i suppose, that subtle drama of everyday intrigue.
life can be dramatic enough on its own

and now i must floss

After 20 years of marriage, "romance" means your partner at least turns the TV down while you have sex.

Mmmm, a romantic evening for me would be dinner out with rare steak, a lovely bottle of red, conversation that ranges across a variety of topics, slow caresses during coffee and cognac, sweet whispers in the elevator up to our weekend hideaway, slowing undressing one another, letting tongues and fingers follow each item of clothing as it's removed, falling, tangled into the luxurious sheets and feather pillows, blending ourselves together as one, until...satiated, we pull back slightly, he brushes the hair off my face, and kisses me as I fall asleep in the cocoon of my afterglow.

But, ya know...I'm a mother of a toddler, so I'll take a burger and a quickie. ;)

≡ Click to see image ≡

romance is the guy trembling, hands covered in blood and her saying "it's okay baby, let me help you get rid of that body"

Late fall, up early and out antiquing together, home by noon for a power nap, than a canoe trip, later on a fire in the fireplace, relaxing with good books, talking.

PsychoKitty: lol!

poetry
candles
mango grapes strawberries
sunshine or fire
a beach
walking
drowning in eyes
handsies footsies
smiles

After reading the thread thus far, I have to conclude that I'm not really at all romantic either. Or maybe I am. I just don't know.

We almost never manage to remember our anniversary, or even Valentine's day. We don't arrange romantic settings or write love notes... etc.

However, we say "I love you" a lot; we kiss and hug and fondle a lot. We love to sneak out for lunch or drinks, or just a beer - only the two of us. And we are never the couple who sit there not really speaking or looking at each other. We talk and talk, and laugh all the time. It amazes me that after 15 years, we are both still each other's very favorite person to talk to.

That's romantic to me, but it's not exactly the stuff of love songs. As a case in point, here's my romantic story from yesterday:

We went out to do the Saturday shopping (stores are closed here on Sunday), and stopped to have a beer (him) and a wine (me) in mid-shop, at an outdoor cafe. As usual, we talked about a million things, and as usual we were interrupted by street peddlers, people selling lottery tickets, people asking for money, etc. every five minutes. We have lots of that here, and some people we give money to, some we ignore, and to some we politely say "no" (you develop your own strategy with this stuff: who to cut off right away, who to indulge, who to wave off - it's very complicated).

So at one point, some young guy comes up to the table begging for money, but only with a handwritten sign in one hand, and his other hand extended for money. Mr. taz waved him off, and I asked him "what did the sign say?". He said "I don't know, I didn't even read it", and I said, "I think it said 'Pull My Finger'."

And we both dissolved into giggles, laughing so hard that we wept for the next five minutes (maybe you had to be there.). And that's my romantic moment from yesterday.

See what I mean? Yet, I have to say that when we were still back in New Orleans, our collective nickname that was bestowed on us by all our local pub crowd and bartenders was "The Love Boat". And we have a collective nickname here in Greece, too, which I won't reveal... But let's say that if you, as a couple, called each other something like "bunny" all the time, your friends may end up calling you "The Bunnies".

/me extends standing invitation for Mr and Mrs Taz to come over for dinner/weekend/vacation/hanging out at my house anytime they please.

You guys sound sweet like saccarin. ;)

You have a deal, dabitch! We'll come for dinner, and I'll make you my superfantasticvoodoomagic gumbo... and then you too will be my adoring love slave forever after.

A bottle of wine between 2, a massage, dim lights, saying i love u and meaning it, a surprise gift, music, emotions.

oh god yes, I love gumbo!

As for romance, well.. I'm not very romantic either - more like Mr and Mrs Taz I just lurve my man and sharing stuff with him. I do believe that those things with "extra thought" behind them are very romantic, like those examples iconomy gave. That's purrfect.

......and why is dimmed lights and dinners with red wine romantic? That stuff gives me a headache.

now i want gumbo
*shakes fist*