Ouch.

I used to have to go to the post office every day for my former job. At the downtown Asheville post office there is precisely one (1) worker with a fully functioning brain. Then there is the guy with the toupee and no brain but a slavish adherence to the rules, the guy who just came out of a cave in the backwoods and is afraid of all that newfangled technological stuff, and the terrifying tiny troll like woman with black hair all over her face. And there is always a long line. So, to pass the time in line, I would just silently will myself to get the intelligent one. It worked one time out of three, more or less. The other times I found myself explaining slowly, in words of one syllable, how to use a credit card machine, how to stamp a package - they should have been paying me. I actually had to go behind the counter once and teach this guy how to manually enter a credit card number in a terminal. He kept saying "No ma'am, if it don't swipe I cain't use it."

Well, my wait was really only 45 minutes, and not all that trying when I think about it.

When I'm hungry, though, I get really flip, so I've been thread-to-thread this afternoon alternating my usual no-nonsense commenting style with a somewhat zanier approach.

Alright, that's not true either.

But the steak thread has me out of my mind. Reading about it is tantalizing. I just had to do something.

Should've previewed better. Story of my life.

That hairy-faced woman must've been transferred to Long Island City.

I have diligently avoided the steak thread because I bought steak last night but *cough* don'tknowhowtocookit. I'm mentally willing one of my friends to fire up their grill tonight so I can let them have their way with it while I make guacamole and drink beer.

Frisbee Girl - hie thee to bittorrent and get a download of Alton Brown's steak episode of "Good Eats" (check foodnetwork.com for the exact episode title, it may be "Raising the Steaks"). It's all you need to know.

Ooooh aaaah, matildaben! Thanks!

Yes. The steak episode was cruel and unusual punishment. I could practically taste the juiciness. Alton Brown kills me every time.

Also, I'd like to say that the employees down at the post office near my house, although they work very slowly (who can blame them?) are some of the most intelligent and patient people in the world. I am usually that person who shows up with a pile of forms and a confused expression, and they always sort it out.

Of course, I never go at lunch. I'm a bigger fan of the 4:45 pm slot :)

Frisbee Girl,

Steak is one of the easiest foods in the world to cook. Seriously. You just have to have a very heavy pan and a very hot source of heat.

Take the steak out and let it sit to bring it up to room temp. Salt and pepper it while you are waiting. Lots of cracked pepper is good. Douse with Worcestershire Sauce if you have it.

When the steak is room temp, heat up your pan as high as your burner will allow. Add a spoon or so of olive oil. (you can add a minced garlic clove if you like.) Throw on the steak. Much smoke will ensue and hopefully you have good ventilation. After about 3 minutes, flip the steak and cook 3 minutes more (or so depending on the thickness of your meat.) Use a thermometer if you have one to check for doneness, or just make a cut-- keeping in mind that the steak will continue to cook a bit more after you take it out of the pan. If it is not done enough, flip it over and cook some more. At this point some people like to put on a pat of butter and let it melt into the steak.

Really, it is all about the heat.

If you want an over-the-top accompaniment, may I recommend Whiskey Mushrooms?

Whiskey Mushrooms
Saute a half pound of cleaned and quartered mushrooms in 2 TB of butter until mushrooms release their liquid. Pour in 2 Cups of heavy cream and reduce by half over med-low heat-- being careful not to let the cream boil. This takes awhile-- about 20 minutes. Just before serving, whisk in 2 TB of good whiskey.

Thanks, guys, these are great! Though I can tell the temp of a piece of meat by touch, as that how I was taught to cook it, due to a food sensitivity that developed in my adolescence, I couldn't eat red meat for almost 20 years. After consulting a few doctors, I started slowly reintroducing it to my diet. It took about three years and many icky digestive moments, but now I can eat anything I want.

My new 'problem' is that while I can cook a great piece of meat, I have a completely untrained palate. Most of my cookbooks and food background is with fish and seafood, so if anyone has any favorite meat preparations, feel free to send them my way!

And let it sit for 5 or 10 minutes after you take it off the heat. Alton put it on top of a little bowl or upside down plate. I forget the scientific reason for this but it was a good one. My roommate cooked it (while I opened all the windows and doors and fanned the smoke detector with a towel) this way and it turned out awesome.

dammit, i'm way too tired to cook and it will take far too long.
i may have to get dressed and order delivery.

you can judge a city by its delivery
this is not a city
goddammit
i am not putting on a bra for this
weeps for thai take out and my long lost indian food
*sob*

*will work for samosas*

I will stand with you, ethylene. I ain't putting on a bra for nothing!

not even rocky horror with props?

Will lounge for mimosas.

I'm glad I snuck in that double negative as an escape hatch... Rocky Horror with prop-driven barcaloungers, mimosas, and okra-free bloody marys (okra belongs in cupcakes, not cocktails) could persuade me to engage in a little brunchtime brassierery.

Well, thank goodness. Drinking mimosas alone is entertaining for only so long.