Before anyone says it: I will be going around to introduce myself to the neighbors soon. I wanted to give it some time and see if anyone would make first contact.

Well, i just moved from Los Angeles to Rocheport, MO (pop. 208)...I know everyone in town...some nice, some not...

Midwesterners in general are fairly nice and will smile and say hi to you on the street...in my experience.

My part of Queens is like in that Janet Jackson video, where it's all just one steadycam shot (actually it's three, I think): I wake up in the morning and as I dance down the street, commuters and hard-hat men start dancing with me, and people start sticking their heads out of windows and wave, and the firemen drop their hoses and sing, and the pretty ladies who seem to get paid for standing on the corner (how do I get a lucky job like that?) all blow kisses, and pigeons circle like flights of angels as the sun comes down and kisses me good morning, right on the lips! Oooh, I love my neighborhood.

I tend to have loner instincts and would have never thought of going around and introducing myself when I moved in to my neighborhood. I live in a cul de sac with about 20 townhouses and have met about a third of the people over the years.

I always say hi to neighbors when I see them and introduce myself if they are within talking range or appear to be approachable. But I've taken the initiative to officially meet everyone. There's one guy that walks fast with his head down and if you say hello he looks the other way and walks faster. I've seen him do it to several other people as well, so I'm pretty sure it's not me. I haven't lived in a community where we know more than a few immediate neighbors since I was five. On one hand I'd love to have a Mayberry oldtime neighborhood feel, but on the other I'm not really that social. A wave and a smile is all I really need.

One of the reasons that I love Portland is that people here are so friendly! When strangers pass in the street, you'll usually get a nod or a glance, if not a smile or a "hey". The grocery clerks actually act like you're human. Even the strippers are friendly!

I lived in Florida for ten years, and there really is something to be said for southern hospitality. The last time I was there, an elderly gentleman actually tipped his hat to me and said "good day" despite the fact that I was bald, tattooed, and wearing torn overalls.

New England, on the other hand, is cold cold cold. Man, people ignore you on the streets, are impatient with you at the bank or the grocery store, etc. Glad I got the hell out of there.

People here are the nicest in the world. No kidding. Every time I travel I always miss Buffalo for just that reason.
Strangers say hello on the street, people will stop to help if you drop something or are trying to shovel your car out, an older person can not carry groceries home without at least half a dozen people offering to help.

My last apartment building used to have spontaneous building wide cookouts all the time. One person would decide to grill, tell someone who would bring something, and pretty soon we were all sitting outside eating burgers, drinking beer, and chatting until late at night.

Part of it is because it is such a small city. When I go to the corner store the owner greets me by name. I can't take a bus without seeing someone I know. But it can't be all that.

I grew up in the burbs. When I was married I lived in the country. But the best neighbors I've ever had have all been in the city.

I tend to have loner instincts and would have never thought of going around and introducing myself when I moved in to my neighborhood.

My wife and I wondered whether it would be considered creepy or awkward to do this, particularly in a neighborhood where it's not all that friendly. Maybe we will just take the slow way and meet people as circumstances permit.

I'm not going to count my younger years where either everyone was evil or good, depending more on my mood and circumstances than anything. Here's a brief rundown, then:

People sometimes don't believe me, but the friendliest neighborhood I ever stayed in in Seattle was the Central District. I only house-sat there for a week, but everyone said hello in the mornings when I was walking the dog. This was not the only display of the warmth of that hood, but it's telling. Interestingly, when I lived in the University District, there was not much friendliness to speak of. I worked on the main avenue up there and I can tell you I wasn't friendly either. We didn't even know the people that lived in the unit above us. When I moved to Wallingford people were much friendlier (stop and chat, introduce themselves, etc.) but this really took some time to become known in the hood. I think it's just a matter of time.

Having said that, I'm not terribly surprised by what you've had to say about your experience in Bellevue thus far. I know it's a harsh stereotype and I'm sure there's plenty of sweet exceptions to it, and I hope you meet them all, but most people from the Bellevue / East Seattle [REDACTED].

When I moved here I was a bit shocked at the friendliness of the average New Yorker because I had bought into the media image of all the toughness, etc. (which can easily be found, it's not all roses and chocolates on the pillow, but I would say there's just a directness to all the feelings and emotions, so you get the good with the bad, but when it's good it's very good). The Northwest seems emotionally stunted to me now at times as much as I know just how caring and conscientious people there can be. Chicago was also pretty friendly, though to me they were a little less open then what I would experience later in NYC, though I spent most of my time on the south side studying and there are historical reasons for some of that closedness. To speculate, on one level, I think it's a space issue and the kind of culture that develops around it, but I'm also sure there's much more to it than that. The Nortwest has got a lot of space between people physically, and psychically as well, I'd say.

At present, I know most all of my building by face, if not name and we do the hello thing, etc. (Watching fireworks on the rooftop helps bring a building together.) The people at the corner store, some regulars at the subway stop, we haven't introduced ourselves formally, but we smile and sometimes chat.

Of course, these are all generalizations based on my experience, so you know, they're highly suspect (and upon review, contradictory in spots).

On preview: the slow way sounds like a fine plan, I think it just takes a little longer out there, and despite how I feel about it myself, I'll fess up to knowing a couple of good eggs from the Mercer Isand / Bellevue / Issaquah / etc area.

My neighorhood is stuffed with trophy wives. There are more fake tits and liposuctioned butts than you can shake a stick at. (I'm not so much the trophy wife really...I'm more the weird lady in black that makes cool soap and hates plastic people.)

But, it is the south, and everyone was polite if not terribly friendly...and then...we got a redneck. Everyone should have one. She lives across the street from me. I love her so much. Love her. She's been fabulous for the street, they do cookouts in the front yard, she knows everybody and everybody knows her, she has great kids, she's been the best thing that ever happened around here. I'd venture to say that we visit with the neighbors about 4 days out of seven...the adults grilling stuff and drinking beer while the kids run around trying to kill themselves on bikes/skateboards/mini-motorcyles/each other, what have you.

Do the uptight neighbors get all pissy and report us to the HOA? Oh yeah...all the time. But me...you'll take my rednecks away over my cold, dead bbq'd chicken wing!

New England, on the other hand, is cold cold cold. Man, people ignore you on the streets, are impatient with you at the bank or the grocery store, etc. Glad I got the hell out of there.

See, that's interesting, because normally here in (the other) Portland we can sort out the locals from the tourists on the street by making eye contact and showing a broad smile. The locals will smile back and say hello. The tourists will, mostly, duck their heads and start walking faster -- no doubt thinking our friendliness is some sort of plot or ploy.

That having been said, I don't really know my neighbors, and I don't really want to. They all seem to know each other - their kids play together, they have cookouts together, etc., and one neighbor across the street plowed out the end of our driveway out of the goodness of his heart for us last winter - but they just don't seem to have much in common with us. They have kids, they drive BMWs and $30,000 pickup trucks. A number of them had "Elect Bush" signs in their yards last November (although the Plow Guy had a Kerry sign).

Just not a group I'm interested in knowing.

agropyron, sounds like nothing much has changed in Bellevue. From the initial city plans, it's never seemed to be designed for community warmth, but more of a fifedom-like refuge. Bummer, hope you succeed in breaking the ice.

I find the Mission very friendly and warm. Except when they shoot each other.

In all seriousness, it helps that I have coloring and features that translate easily enough to Latina and know a fair amount of Spanish. Thus, neatly sidestepping a fair amount of racial tension. I've talked with most of the shopkeeppers on my street, half the time just hanging out of my window and most of my friends live within 10 blocks of me. Eye contact is a big thing here and if you smile and say, hi, they'll likely respond in kind and engage you in conversation.

Mariachi, salsa and cumbia bands play on the sidewalks regularly. People dance. Traffic slows and there's laughter as people call out to their tias y abuelas or the band. It's awesome. But it's also loud and sometimes violent and people lose their lives while playing out their passions. So, it's a trade off, I guess. It's certainly never boring. This is to say nothing of the addicts and mentally ill, but it's still a community and operates as such.

I like it and it's what I remember from growing up on the East Coast. I think, in many ways, it's practicality in action and density plays a role there: fact is there's a bunch of us that need to be able to live together and want to do so as happily as possible and the more you know who is in your neighborhood/community, the more likely you are to look after each other, making co-existence easier and safer. There's also a great deal of pride and identity here that I love. By and large, given the numbers, I think we do a good job of harmonious living and many people's lives are richer for having such close exposure to one another.

[It's also categorically impossible not to break out in a huge grin at someone when a tiny, bat-eared Chihuahua puppy pops its head out of their jacket.]

Specklet, which Portland do you live in?

The Oregon Portland, sorry for forgetting Maine!

I moved to SF from the Irvington District (16th & Schuyler to be exact) last April.

It's so funny you posted this--today i finally met this neighbor guy (who's actually cute) i've been nodding to for 5 years in my bldg..he's moving out next week. I know my super and my nextdoor neighbor to the west (she has this clothesline that tangles all the time, and the other end is by my kitchen window), but all the others i just nod to.

The building i grew up in was the same--we just nodded, the old people would watch us play in the courtyard and across the street, there was always an old man who would bang on his ceiling below us bec we were too noisy, and we made friends with the other kids in the building, but our parents never became friends.

The only 2 people I know in my apartment building were friends before we moved in. I like it that way. But our super is really nice.

When I lived in a Baltimore rowhouse, I was friends with the whole block (except my crazy neighbour). It was great. Something about everyone out on their stoops on a hot night obviously led to friendliness.

The friendliest place I ever lived was 525 Hudson street, New York city. Within a week I knew almost everybody in that building and was invited in to many of the apartments as well. This was a place where you'd leave notes about roof-parties under the neighbours door and they'd show up with some beers to join in. I was invited to watch my downstairs neighbours bands gig at the neighbourhood bar, and naturally went! I was upstairs hanging out with a newly divorced girl when she got depressed about her new life as a single gal. I had a standing invitation to my immediate neighbour on my floor whenever I wanted a hot bath (as I only had a shower). It was like a damn sitcom. Awesome house.

Here, not so much. Not beacuse it's unfriendly in Denmark but because we really shouldn't be living in this office. So we keep our heads down and nose clean. ;P

From 1958 - 1970 we lived in Lake Hills (I used to play in the woods that were cut down to build Crossroads) and then in Clyde Hill.

Here's some local Bellevue history, which is a lot about Millard Freeman, the guy who built Bellevue Square and got the Mercer Island floating bridge built so he could start his real estate empire. A real evil bastard.

I'll sometimes chat to the neighbours who are inclined to chat and the others I just say hi to. Last Christmas we got Christmas cards from a couple of neighbours and we felt like we'd entered the big league - previously we'd lived in flats where no one gave a shit about their neighbours, common areas or the amount of noise they made.

Anyway, for London it's pretty friendly around here.

A Treatise on the Geographic Differences Between Local Strangers' Varying Degrees of Friendlitude (US Study)
by mudpuppie

I grew up in the South, my [huge] extended family lives in the Midwest, and I've lived on both the East and West coasts. These are my observations. (The interactions I'm about to describe, by the way, refer to stranger-on-stranger action, not relationships between people who have known each other for a while.)

[And by the way, I firmly believe that the best place to make this anthropological study is in the grocery store (or supermarket, depending on which people you're studying).]

People in the South are generally outwardly friendly to you. They'll often ask how you're doing and pretend to care, but it's a highly sculpted and culturally imposed form of bullshit. They don't really care. They're just waiting for you to let slip some piece of gossip or intrigue that they can then share with their neighbors and churchmates.

Also, politeness is highly ingrained in the culture. In my day, not calling the teacher "ma'am" would get you the paddle -- not to mention being sassy.

People in the Midwest will not be outwardly friendly to you unless pressed. If you catch them in the act of being rude, they'll smile or display some other version of token friendliness. They only do this out of politeness. After all, they have that whole "corn-fed" thing to live up to.

Now, it's not so much that they don't care about you (though, in fact, they don't). It's more that they don't trust you. You are not one of them. You will not be one of them until you are substantially more established in the community than other people who are really not one of them.

Plus, Midwesterners are a preoccupied sort, busy concentrating on getting through the muggy summer, gearing up for the next winner, and getting their kids to practice on time.

People on the East Coast will not be nice to you, especially if pressed. The harder you press for a crumb of human kindness -- the needier you seem -- the more apt you are to experience the sort of verbal or gestural insult that will make you weep. They're better than you. Just accept it.

People on the West Coast will be neither friendly nor unfriendly in the extreme. The truth is, you are only an extension of their present reality. If you are standing in front of them and are affecting them in some good way, you are likely to get a good reaction. And the converse is true as well. This is why most freeway shootings happen in California. Someone affects us in a bad way, we take care of it. Someone affects us in a good way, we give them a hug or a piece of fruit.

It's simple, really.

that's not fair to us East Coasters--and not true. : P

we're just busy and stuff, and only some of us are bitches. We have conversations with strangers everyday, everywhere--while waiting on line somewhere usually.

You were obviously busy when I lived there, Amberglow. Too bad for me!

It's funny, but we never had much to do with our neighbours until we bought our own house. We had never really felt like anyone who lived around us had any interest in speaking to us until then - we were always the ones who rented a house amongst home owners, so I guess we were considered somewhat transient. Now that we own our own place and almost all the people around us do as well, it feels much more like a neighbourhood to me. It could be because it is a new street so everyone has been there about the same amount of time, but I think it is just that we are part of the "in crowd" now. We made a point of getting to known the people on the downhill side of us who are renting, but most of the others in the street don't have anything to do with them.

Generally, people are really friendly and we have all been able to help each other out in one way or another in the three years we have been there, which is good. I seem to have become the guy that everyone comes to when they want their computer fixed or they need to borrow tools, which could be annoying but isn't. The guy across the road had no hesitation in knocking on my door in the pouring rain to ask for help when his house was struck by lightning and he had no idea what to do about the water pouring in through the roof, which is good in that he felt comfortable enough to ask for help. The guy next door saw me preparing to lay turf and just walked over, picked up a shovel and started spreading topsoil - he was still there two days later when we finally laid the last section - in 35c heat. That's pretty friendly, I guess. But then, I spent several hours at their place last night setting up virus scanners and firewalls and convincing them of the evils of IE vs the wonder that is Firefox after they got an Internet connection for the first time.

My next door neighbor and I are pretty close. We take each other's packages and water each other's plants and chat about family. She made it a point to show up the day I moved in with a warm welcome. There is also a family that just moved in below me who I chat with over the railing nearly every night. Most of the others around here keep to themselves. All in all though the people in my town are generally friendly but reserved. You'll find help if you need it and lots of smiles and hellos but not a lot of in-depth conversation or block parties.

Amberglow's right. We've got sh!t going on. Get off our backs, dammit!!!!

As for my neighbors, we moved to this neighborhood because everyone is lovely, but keeps to themselves. Too often "friendly" = "nosey." I like the east coast aloofness just fine.

In my experience people in the south aren't as friendly as they initially seem (life long southerner here)and people in the northeast are the opposite. In the end it works out about the same. I find NYC, surprisingly maybe, to be a relatively friendly city. I can't figure out the northwest and California. I often feel like I just can't connect with those folks.

I mean northeasteners are actually friendlier than they seem initially.

In my experience people in the south aren't as friendly as they initially seem...

I mean northeasteners are actually friendlier than they seem initially.

See? This is exactly what I mean. I mean, if your passing through, what's your impression going to be? You're not going to live there for 5 years and find out that people, down deep, are really okay. See what I mean?

I find NYC, surprisingly maybe, to be a relatively friendly city.

Are you in manhattan or one of the outer boroughs? Because brookyn, queens, and the Bronx arent cities so much as they are collections of really densely populated small towns. So they have that freindliness.

My point of reference is more Manhattan and Irish Pubs. Haven't spent much time in Brooklyn or the Bronx other than Yankee Stadium. The time I've spent in Queens was limited to work at the airport (cargo area) and eating in Howard Beach. I didn't live in Queens but I spent about 10 weeks in a hotel near JFK and when we couldn't make it into Manhattan we would eat in Howard Beach. The establishments in Howard Beach were friendly so long as our party was all white - a bit chilly if one or more of my co-workers was black. Also, I have a bit of a New Orleans accent which can be mistaken for Brooklyn until I say y'all instead of youse. If I were to apply my Howard Beach experience to all of Queens I don't know how friendly I would think it was to outsiders and non-whites.

Howard Beach is an extremely insular neigborhood, that never learns. Even Bensonhurst has shifted demographics somewhat amicably. The rest of Queens (the most ethnically diverse county in the country, no joke) is quite freindly and open.

I give people here (Ottawa) a 5 out of 10.
Torontonians get a 7.
Vancouverites get a 2.
Winnipeggers get a 9 or 10.

All places I've lived. Opinion backed by example after example. (I say this because west coasters rabidly defend their "west coast friendliness" but that certainly doesn't extend to Van)

I've always hoped Howard Beach was the exception rather than the rule and suspected the same.

Howard Beach is the slightly retarded and violent cousin, with a baseball bat. :

Long Island City puts the "friend" back in "friendly."

I've always hoped Howard Beach was the exception rather than the rule and suspected the same.

It is, even by meathead standards. People from Bensonhurst (and I've known several great people from that area) can look at Howard Beach and say "Jeez, you people are prejudiced."

Howard Beach puts the "racist" back in "racist."