MetaChat - Inspired by Specklet's profile

1. Do you come here often? I was just wondering - if you came here a lot you may have ordered the chicken wrap once or twice. I had it last night and I was up all night with the runs. I was curious to know if it gave you diarrhea too, or if it was just me.

2. I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much you been drinkin'?? Because you have really knobby knees, and my doctor told me that knobby knees are really prone to calcium deposits. So you should maybe lay off the dairy products.

posted by iconomy 27 June | 12:45

Read any good books lately? I haven't. They're all terrible.

How's the weather up there? I hear it rains a lot. I think I'd kill myself if I lived there.

Is that an extraneous nipple?

posted by loquacious 27 June | 12:48

Baby, that dress would look great on the floor by my bed. Because last night I ate a ton of cheese whiz and anchovies, and vomited in my sleep. So, since you're on the chunky side there'd be enough fabric to cover the stain. Help a brother out.

posted by jonmc 27 June | 12:50

Mr. taz says the pick-up line of the '70s was to walk into the bar, spot the girl you wanted to take home, walk up to her, do this little head-nod-wink thing, and say (with perfect confidence) "Let's go".

Looking back... I think he's right.

posted by taz 27 June | 12:54

Honey, the only reason I'd throw you outta bed is so I could fuck you on the floor.

posted by Specklet 27 June | 12:55

*looks all the women in the thread in the eye, nods head, winks*

Let's go.

posted by jonmc 27 June | 13:16

Worst pickup lines for a girl to use on a guy:

"Could you hold these eggs?"

"Is that a pencil?"

"So, what's your mother's maiden name?"

posted by taz 27 June | 13:22

Cheesy or just horrible? I doubt covering vomit stains or explosive diarrhoea qualifies as "cheesy".

Personally, I'm a fan of incorrectly said pick-up lines.

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you have sex with me?"

posted by bugbread 27 June | 13:23

Cheesy or horrible? Well, bugbread, the original idea was to write the imagined first draft of a pick up line, thus jonmc's unrefined version of the that's-a-nice-dress-it-would-look-fabulous-crumpled-up-on-the-floor-next-to-my-bed line.

But whatever floats your boat, baby.

posted by Specklet 27 June | 13:28

"You have such beatiful eyes - they're just like my mother's"

posted by dodgygeezer 27 June | 13:30

Don't fucking look at me!

uh, I mean, Do I get fries with that shake?

posted by Divine_Wino 27 June | 13:31

Do fries come with that shake? Because I'm trying to cut down on fatty foods, and looking at your ass would discourage me from eating all the fries.

posted by jonmc 27 June | 13:35

Do I get fries with that shake? Because I really like fries. Freedom fries. Especially when they're fresh out of the fryer with just a little bit of salt. Oooh, and some pepper! I love pepper on my freedom fries.

posted by Specklet 27 June | 13:35

Garry Shandling joke.

Guy sits down next to a beautiful woman at a bar.

Guy: "Hi. What's your name?"

Woman: "Don't even think of it asshole."

Guy: [nodding] "Interesting. Your parents are Native Americans?"

posted by mlis 27 June | 13:35

Robin Williams variation:

Guy sits down next to a beautiful woman at a bar.

Guy: "Hi. What's your name?"

Woman: "Fuck Off."

Guy: "Really? Are you Russian?"

posted by jonmc 27 June | 13:37

It rubs the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again.

Does me saying that make you think I am crazy, because I am crazy, crazy with a passion to take you home and make sweet love to you!

posted by Divine_Wino 27 June | 13:39

Do you live around here often?

posted by Capn 27 June | 13:40

Does that shake come with fries? 'Cause I'd love to shake with you baby, but frying food with you just doesn't seem as erotic.

posted by bugbread 27 June | 13:42

You don't know me, but I know you and I'd like to say that you look even more beautiful up close than you do through my night vision goggles baby... baby... hey, come back.

posted by seanyboy 27 June | 13:44

Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel! Really, I just walked past the catholic church one street over, and one of the stone angels was stolen. I saw two creepy-looking guys putting it in the back of their truck. I hate this lousy neighborhood.

posted by iconomy 27 June | 13:44

'Cause I'd love to shake with you baby, but frying food with you just doesn't seem as erotic.

Blasphemer. Women frying food is erotic as hell.

posted by jonmc 27 June | 13:45

Hey, you look just like my wife.

posted by seanyboy 27 June | 13:46

Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven?

Or did you just fall off that ladder? 'Cause a lot of people don't think heaven really exists as a physical place that one can actually "fall out of." Hey, hey are you ok? Oh Jesus, someone call 911, tell em a cop just got shot or they'll take like half an hour to show up.

posted by Divine_Wino 27 June | 13:48

With your beauty and my brains, we'd probably not be able to make anything. Given the complexity of the human form, the difficulties inherent in transplanting and the possibilities of tissue rejection.

posted by seanyboy 27 June | 13:49

The neighborhood prostitutes all say I'm the best they ever had. Wanna find out if they were telling the truth?

posted by bugbread 27 June | 13:50

What's your star sign. 'Cos I'm a Leo and well, yes. That's my name... Leo. Hence I'm a Leo.

posted by seanyboy 27 June | 13:51

Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. I had a really horrible dream last night and you were in it. You went psycho and murdered almost everyone in your family. It was pretty intense. Do you have a younger sister with long red hair? Because in my dream, she kills you with a machete.

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room? I'm a med student who wants to go into cosmetic surgery, and so many things about you need improvement that I'd like to get a closer look if you wouldn't mind.

posted by iconomy 27 June | 13:52

Here's 10p. No it's not a chat up line. I'm a bartender and this is your change.

posted by seanyboy 27 June | 13:52

Did you fall from heaven? Because having sex with an angel seems like it would be pretty sweet, but possibly blasphemous, so I figured we should work out the theological ramifications first, before we got into any small talk.

posted by bugbread 27 June | 13:52

I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
Your roommate told me I could crash on the couch for a few days,um, you don't have a dog do you? SOOOO Alergic. And you have soy milk right? The last time I drank cows milk I totally got sick on the subway and threw up in my hands and then people thought I was walking around offering them a double handful of vomit and that was NOT the right way to make new friends.

posted by Divine_Wino 27 June | 13:54

What are you drinking?
...
Really. You know it's probably bad for you. I'd stop now if I were you. You could get a mild hangover.

posted by seanyboy 27 June | 13:54

Because having sex with an angel seems like it would be pretty sweet

It's an overrated experience. They flap their wings when they come, which makes them levitate, then they forget and let go, and you land on the ground, which really fucks up your back after awhile.

posted by jonmc 27 June | 13:54

Well, hello there. Does your boyfriend know where you are? Oh, you don't have a boyfriend? Somehow I'm not surprised...you're really not all that attractive.

posted by iconomy 27 June | 13:58

I would kill to go out with someone like you.
By which I mean I did kill to go out with you.
Your boyfriend?
...Don't worry about it, he's probably not going to turn up any time soon.

posted by seanyboy 27 June | 13:58

oh - and slightly off topic...
from my user page.

If you love her, let her go
and come out
with your hands up.
Eventually, the police packed
heavy perspex shields
against the door,
released a whitening fog,
and then we both
started to cry.

posted by seanyboy 27 June | 13:59

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. Oh wait, it's because you are wearing a horizontal striped shirt and one of those awful frilly woman cravattes with vertical stripes, go home and change right away you look like a fucking optical illusion.

posted by Divine_Wino 27 June | 14:00

You’re so beautiful my heart aches.

Oh, sorry it’s angina… gaaaaaaaaaaa!

posted by arse_hat 27 June | 14:01

Hey baby, my name's Roger. Just so you know what name you'll be screaming later.

Or, on second thought, maybe I'll just pick up some duct tape and cover your mouth so no one will be able to hear your desperate screams as you plead for your life.

posted by iconomy 27 June | 14:02

Are you an angel? Because you're really beautiful, but you have too few faces to be a seraphim, too few eyes to be a cherubim, and too few hooves to be a throne, so I'm kinda confused. I'd like to have sex anyway, if that's OK.

posted by bugbread 27 June | 14:05

I want you. I want you all, you disturbed human beings, you.

posted by puddinghead 27 June | 14:08

Your hair. Your smile. I’m burning for you my love.

Wait. It’s a rash. Does your ass get all red and bumpy like that?

posted by arse_hat 27 June | 14:10

In this great universe of love you my darling are the green skinned beauty to my James T. Kirk! (Must. Be. Said. In. Halting. Kirk. Style.)

posted by arse_hat 27 June | 14:15

I have a fish in my pants…

posted by arse_hat 27 June | 14:16

Got any Australian in you? Want some?

posted by cobra! 27 June | 14:16

So, what are you drinking?

I ask because because your abdomen looks distended enough to suggest a 5 month pregnancy. Have you talked to a doctor yet? Well anyway I think to be on the safe side you should stick to fruit drinks tonight. It's okay, I'll get rid of this bourban for you.

posted by maryh 27 June | 14:30

Can I take your picture, honey? Why?? Because I want Santa to see what I want for Christmas this year.

I've been looking for a studded black leather belt exactly like the one you're wearing, and a visual aid will help my wife find one exactly like it the next time she goes shopping.

posted by iconomy 27 June | 14:34

Can I take your picture? Because your exposed asscrack is mossy enough to be an Ansel Adams landscape, and I love that kind of thing.

posted by maryh 27 June | 14:37

[every time I glance past this post on the front page, I see "Inspector Specklet".]

posted by Frisbee Girl 27 June | 15:37

Excuse me, I lost my number. Can I have yours? You see, I haven't paid my credit card bills for six months, and I am just so sick of hearing from them. I'd like to give them another number.

posted by sisterhavana 27 June | 15:40

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but your name is Joe, right? It is! How did I know? Well, it might be the nametag you're wearing that says "My name is Joe, how can I help you?"

posted by sisterhavana 27 June | 15:42

Your name isn't Angelatrina is it? Because my doctor said I shouldn't hook up with anyone named Angelatrina. But if it's not, hey, this must be destiny! Wanna fuck?

posted by bugbread 27 June | 15:47

If we were in the alphabet, I'd put U and I together in a 69 with my roommate filming.

posted by puke & cry 27 June | 15:58

Are you into used motor oil?

posted by loquacious 27 June | 15:59

Are you made out of saccharin? 'Cuz you sure look sweet. Though probably not as carcinogenic.

posted by bugbread 27 June | 17:29

*looks all the women in the thread in the eye, nods head, winks*
Let's go. -jonmc

Dude...I'm so there. S'ok if I bring the baby? hee. You know I love you, you crazed, flannel wearing, music freak. ;)

Seanbaby - With your beauty and my brains, we'd probably not be able to make anything. Given the complexity of the human form, the difficulties inherent in transplanting and the possibilities of tissue rejection.

I know LOL is overused, but seriously, I did. That's hysterical, and during the single years, I would have talked to someone who used that line just because I love guys that can make me laugh.

As to cheesy pickup lines...I got nothing that tops what you guys have already done...ya big loons.

posted by PsychoKitty 27 June | 17:38

Divine_Wino is my new favorite writer.

posted by mudpuppie 27 June | 17:42

How about penguins?

I like your feet.

posted by loquacious 27 June | 19:37

Mr. taz says the pick-up line of the '70s was to walk into the bar, spot the girl you wanted to take home, walk up to her, do this little head-nod-wink thing, and say (with perfect confidence) "Let's go".
I used to have a friend who used an adaptation of this - he would walk up to a girl and say "I suppose a fuck is out of the question?". He got knocked back a lot, but he didn't get knocked back every time and he saved a lot of mucking around in the process.

posted by dg 27 June | 20:46

Dude...I'm so there. S'ok if I bring the baby?

Oh yeah, I was gonna ~~sell him for medical experiments~~ give him a great big hug and say "now that you can walk, go get Daddy a beer."

posted by jonmc 27 June | 21:05

Hi. You remind me of this girl on this episode on Seinfeld. You want to come over and watch it? I just got it on DVD. It's really great. And my mom has them all memorized. It's really funny: she says all the lines right before they do. She does a really funny Kramer.

posted by papercake 27 June | 21:33

Hi. You remind me of this girl on this episode on Seinfeld. You want to come over and watch it? I just got it on DVD. It's really great. And my mom has them all memorized. It's really funny: she says all the lines right before they do. She does a really funny Kramer.

That one might actually work on me, provided I knew ahead of time which girl I was being compared to.

posted by mudpuppie 27 June | 21:59

Excuse me, do you have any raisins? How about a date? Or cranberries? Blueberries? Cherries? Apples? Peaches? Come on, how can you be all out of fresh fruit? This grocery store sucks!

posted by sisterhavana 27 June | 22:51

Care for a kumquat?

posted by jonmc 27 June | 22:56

Give me a quarter.

posted by loquacious 27 June | 23:16

I wanna get me one a them fancy jimmy-hats from the machine. They got one that's glow in the dark with rubbery little spikey things on it.

posted by loquacious 27 June | 23:18

Hey, where's everyone going?

posted by loquacious 28 June | 03:45

Hey, baby. How much?

posted by hojoki 28 June | 09:36

Hey, baby. How much?

I think this is my favorite. Short, to-the-point, absolutely horrible, and yet attempting to be a pickup line (as opposed to something that starts out as a pickup line but turns out not to be one)

posted by bugbread 28 June | 10:54

Hey, I know we shouldn't have sex, but I really want it. I was thinking about that scene I saw in a porn the other day & I can feel myself throbbing but if you don't want to...

posted by bugbread 28 June | 18:09

27 June 2005