MetaChat - ass crack--not just for women anymore

MAN ASS?? Why have I not seen any of this male butt cleavage yet? I may kind of live in the sticks, but I go to Philly and NY at least once a month. I have seen no man ass.

*pouts*

*remembers the plumber, brightens considerably*

posted by iconomy 22 June | 08:26

Hell in a hand-basket, I tell ya. Hell in a hand-basket.

posted by dg 22 June | 08:28

I've been seeing it all the time--basically it's shrunken-looking vintage-looking tshirts and lowrise jeans (on hot guys it's cute, but on most it's not that cute)

it's this look, basically

posted by amberglow 22 June | 08:33

Given the situation, it would be highly unlikely for me not to make an appearance eventually.

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 08:47

The whole butt-crack thing is not hot even on females. We used to do that in the '70s and it was gross even then.

The jury is still out as to whether this is worse or better than that whole "pull your jeans down so low that your boxers are showing all the way down to your knees" thing. It will be a close call.

posted by dg 22 June | 08:50

I'm all up for what's-good-for-the-gander, but this makes me glad I don't live in the big city (and I love the big city).

posted by dreamsign 22 June | 08:59

I think the vintage t/lowrise jean thing is totally adorable, but only if you can pull it off. I guess the "pull it off" factor is different for everyone...butt crack is in the eye of the beholder. For the record, I am not a fan of butt cleavage, be it male or female, hot or not so much.

I do like Hugh Janus tho.

posted by iconomy 22 June | 09:01

eww, i dated that guy, i'm tired of that guy, i was sick to death of that guy by the late 90s
when will he and the clueless bra strap flopping midriff girl go away?

btw: iconomy: that goes on your gravestone

posted by ethylene 22 June | 09:21

Maybe, but it has to be some arse to really make it work. It makes me laugh to see all these women having to hang on to the back of thier jeans every time they bend over, though, to stop them falling right off. The things we do for fashion ....

posted by dg 22 June | 09:22

i hear the Ass Cracks of Love and Attention are trying to bring back spats

posted by ethylene 22 June | 09:24

I hear the Ass Cracks of Love and Attention are playing at the VFW down the street from me this Friday night.

Hee, ethylene. I'm with you. Doesn't it seem like fashion hasn't changed at all since, what...1991?

posted by iconomy 22 June | 09:30

sorry, it's just the perfect band name:
the Ass Cracks of Love and Attention
first single: Ass Enough to Pull It Off

posted by ethylene 22 June | 09:31

I'd parenthesize part of that title:

(Ass Enough to) Pull it Off

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 09:34

I'm probably just becoming an old codger but I don't like the butt clevage thing on women. Seeing some girl with low slung jeans and five inches of pink g-string poking out of her arse crack does not make for an attractive sight. And it looks worse when she and her arse-crack friends are drunkenly staggering down the street together - pretty common this time of year.

I was in a piercing studio last summer and a gaggle of pissed, fog-horn voiced girls waddled in demanding navel piercings. They all had their butt cracks on display and a huge roll of fat hanging over the top of their combat trousers. * shudders *

London in summer is the town fashion forgot.

posted by dodgygeezer 22 June | 09:35

MAN ASS?? Why have I not seen any of this male butt cleavage yet?

Human vanity and cries for attention never fail to amaze me. I sincerely doubt most women would be turned on by the sight of some dude's pale, hairy, pimply forbidden valley hanging half out of his pants. And if she is, she's probably nuts. What's next,the Wonderjock?

I've been seeing it all the time--basically it's shrunken-looking vintage-looking tshirts and lowrise jeans (on hot guys it's cute, but on most it's not that cute)

This nails our society's revulsion/fascination thing with body exhibitionism nicely. Attractive people, flaunt yourselves like narcississtic peacocks on crack. You ugly folks, cover up. Or better yet, go hide. Christ on a bike, already.

I need coffee.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 09:39

I need nudity.

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 09:41

i have both. yay!

posted by ethylene 22 June | 09:43

And the shrunken vintage t-shirts thing is doubly annoying. My best freind used to live over by the Chelsea Projects, and that's a huge gay cruising area. One night we were out on the street and this guy sauntered by in skintight jeans, and an equally tight and aged Replacements t-shirt.

"Cool. Fuckin' Mats." I said.

"What?" he said, somewhat alarmed.

"Your shirt. The Replacements. They were a great band."

He got this tight little smirk on his face, looked at me as if I were retarded, and said "I just like the shirt," and went on his way.

This country hasn't been right since Elvis joined the Army.

on preview: ethylene, careful with spillage.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 09:44

i lied. i actually made coffee instead while i work on my homemade burka. some days you just want to be unviewable by the creeping eyes of low men

posted by ethylene 22 June | 09:49

I hope you've used a nice breathable cotton -it's so humid today.

posted by iconomy 22 June | 09:53

i don't mean to divert from the crack but i have to say i'm in love coffee right now
it may be keeping me able to breathe
/ill

so, why has fashion become painfully boring again?
i, in fact, would love a burka if it was comfortable

posted by ethylene 22 June | 09:55

Our local hardware emporium sells "Butt Crack Putty" for plumbers.

posted by warbaby 22 June | 09:57

so, why has fashion become painfully boring again?

fashion, shmashion. I figured out what I liked to wear when I was 14, and I've been wearing it ever since. People who follow fasion trends are beind led around by by the nose by a cabal of gay designers and Korean sweatshops who want to see how much money they can bilk us out of and how stupid they can make you look.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 09:59

This nails our society's revulsion/fascination thing with body exhibitionism nicely. Attractive people, flaunt yourselves like narcississtic peacocks on crack. You ugly folks, cover up. Or better yet, go hide. Christ on a bike, already.

Dude, I think the key words in your statement are 'attractive' and 'ugly'. Michaelangelo's David doesn't have a beer gut, the Venus De Milo is not covered in boils and we'd all rather ugly people keep their ugly bits to themselves. Shit, I'm ugly - I don't go parading my ugly, deformed little body around the town because that'd be stupid and it'd make me look even more stupid than I am.

We'd all rather ogle attractive people - blame your genes, they're the little fascists inside all of us.

posted by dodgygeezer 22 June | 09:59

Shit, I'm ugly

Me, too. Let's go expose ourselves to pretty people and make them cry!

Fight the Power!!

posted by jonmc 22 June | 10:04

Yeah, I'm ugly too. So there.

posted by iconomy 22 June | 10:05

Me, too. Let's go expose ourselves to pretty people and make them cry!

They'd just laugh at me. And then I'd cry.

posted by dodgygeezer 22 June | 10:07

there is no shame in comedy

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:08

They'd just laugh at me. And then I'd cry.

Actually, you have no idea how uncomfortable the presence of the unattractive makes the pretty people. It's fun to watch them squirm nervously as if it's contagious or something.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 10:10

is the unattractive oozing or inflamed or playing with its mucus?

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:11

all three are effective, ethylene.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 10:12

I miss all the young women in leotard tops. That ended when Reagan was elected. I blame the Republicans.

posted by warbaby 22 June | 10:14

maybe this is just a hygenie problem.
you're in the ny area, jon. let's get the queer guys on you.
I GET THE FREE COMPUTER, goddammit. it's my idea.

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:16

I get Kyan

posted by iconomy 22 June | 10:16

*pops zit between eyebrows, wipes on shirt*

you're in the ny area, jon. let's get the queer guys on you.

by the end of the show, I'd have them all sipping malt liquor in plaid flannel and listening to Motorhead on my filthy couch. I am unbreakable, eth.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 10:17

how am i suppose to pawn a flat screen tv with that attitude?

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:19

Ethyl, one solution would be to put the young women in leotard tops on Jon.

posted by warbaby 22 June | 10:20

this is perfect. i'll pretend i'm your internet girlfriend of seven years and they can fly me in and i can be all, oh mi god, you're white

that's good tv

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:20

eww, now warbaby made that all dirty

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:22

legwarmers are as far as i'll go

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:23

I'd have them in plaid flannel, sipping suds, and Motorheading, as well, warbaby. I am a Sherman tank in the war on vanity and narcissism.

this is perfect. i'll pretend i'm your internet girlfriend of seven years and they can fly me in and i can be all, oh mi god, you're white

my real girlfriend prolly wouldn't like that.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 10:23

What the hell kind of photo is that? You can't even see any ass crack.

*covets the partridge family tshirt*

posted by iconomy 22 June | 10:25

OMG! Jon's a Republican, too. This is exactly what I was complaining about. Keep your filthy flannel off the leotards.

posted by warbaby 22 June | 10:25

You wouldn't want to see me in a leotard top.

posted by matildaben 22 June | 10:25

OMG! Jon's a Republican, too.

Them's fightin' words, boyo.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 10:27

I am unbreakable, eth.

Bullshit. They'd have you waxing your ass crack in ten minutes flat.

posted by dodgygeezer 22 June | 10:27

I hope the brought gas masks. I eat a lot of Mexican.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 10:28

Everyone's eyes'd be watering. Now that's good tv.

posted by dodgygeezer 22 June | 10:29

make her call. say i made you. get them to send me the computer and maybe some cool throw pillows.
warbaby is totally making have some bad flashback involving olivia newton john.

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:30

making me
coughing, typos, asscrack
life is a joy

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:34

Let's get physical, physical.
I wanna get physical...let's get into physical.
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk...

posted by iconomy 22 June | 10:44

Let me hear your body talk

I think that's what jonmc is proposing with the Mexican food and all.

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 10:45

(jon can't be in the comic anymore. he keeps showing his picture and how he's burned in my brain. now there's no room for tentacles or anything.)

posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:48

I can't believe no one's made a crack about Schnieder yet.

posted by Tacky O. Assis 22 June | 10:49

Me neither.

Who is Schnieder?

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 10:52

≡ Click to see image ≡

Schneider.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 10:56

Shit, I'm ugly

Me, too.

Yeah, I'm ugly too. So there.

Girls, girls...you're all ~~pretty~~ ugly! ; >

hugh: One Day at a Time

posted by amberglow 22 June | 11:14

Lately, it’s as if men will accept whatever fashion trends are imposed upon them as happily and willingly as Vichy collaborationists.

Okay, that is just the best Nazi reference ever. This is why I will always love the Observer.

posted by dame 22 June | 11:21

Oh, the sorrow. And the pity, too.

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 11:22

Lately, it’s as if men will accept whatever fashion trends are imposed upon them as happily and willingly as Vichy collaborationists.

All of a sudden, I feel like Rick Blaine.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 11:24

Also, I'm not ugly. Am I, jon?

posted by dame 22 June | 11:26

No. Would you like to be? Then you can join our club.

*picks acne scab, wafts BO*

posted by jonmc 22 June | 11:28

No, I like being pretty. It makes boys put up with your shit.

posted by dame 22 June | 11:30

Yes, but ugliness is freedom, if only because people more or less disregard you.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 11:32

i feel pretty
oh so pretty
i feel pretty
and Witty
and gay

posted by iconomy 22 June | 11:33

Lately, it’s as if men will accept whatever fashion trends are imposed upon them as happily and willingly as Vichy collaborationists.

Forced headshavings?

posted by Tacky O. Assis 22 June | 11:33

Eww, iconomy. I don't want to feel Witty. I bed he feels like a garbage bag full of meat. /simpsons

You know what fashion trend sucks? The whole hipster boy looking like a dorky book-lover. Because you're like, oh, he's hot and and dorky! yay! Then you talk to him and he's a fashion victim moron and then you're all sad because he's thirty and talking about how cool On the Road is. Sigh.

posted by dame 22 June | 11:34

I still have my copy of On The Road that I bought at 13. But that 30 year old needs to read Richard Price and Nelson Algren pronto to grow him up some.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 11:37

I kind of liked the boys in nail polish look, but mostly I coveted their nail polish - remember? Ah, gunmetal gray and dark green with minuscule sparkles in it like a new car. Meanwhile, on topic, I like watching guys be fashion victims/slaves, it satisfies my inner vindictive sadist. Why should only women be forced to wear belly baring shirts for several years? (yes, forced, this is the first year in a while I have been able to even find a shirt that comes down over my navel.) Welcome to shopping hell, men, you are as doomed as we have ever been.

posted by mygothlaundry 22 June | 11:44

Of course he's reading On The Road at 30--he's dorky, right? He should've at least gotten to Visions Of Cody by then..

Just gaze at him, dame. That's all he really wants, anyway.

posted by Tacky O. Assis 22 June | 11:51

Asscrack on anyone = not hot at all.

posted by sisterhavana 22 June | 11:58

I read this article in 2002. Love how the lead in to page two says that public displays of pubic hair are a future possiblity.

*cues Paris Hilton*

posted by iconomy 22 June | 13:03

Without asscrack, one has no chance of finding the real me.

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 13:04

Love how the lead in to page two says that public displays of pubic hair are a future possiblity.

What, there are still women in NYC and LA with pubes? The Brazilian Wax Mafia didn't get everybody.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 13:06

Asscrack is the new black.

posted by AlexReynolds 22 June | 13:09

The new asscrack is black.

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 13:13

Y'all missed the best part of the article:

"Antonio Jeffery, a national denim specialist at Diesel Jeans in Union Square..."

I want his job.

posted by mudpuppie 22 June | 13:20

Welcome to shopping hell, men, you are as doomed as we have ever been.

*Stocking up on square-toed shoes, as the next decade of pointy dog-killers monopolizes the stores*

posted by dreamsign 22 June | 13:31

God I love all of you right now.

That picture of Schneider is kind of hot.

posted by LeeJay 22 June | 14:28

You need your pipes cleaned, Mrs. Romano?

posted by jonmc 22 June | 14:28

Will you keep the tool belt on?

posted by LeeJay 22 June | 14:30

Sure. I'll even keep the deck of smokes rolled up in my sleeve, somehow.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 14:32

Deal. Meet me by the incinerator in five. And bring the biggest wrench you've got.

posted by LeeJay 22 June | 14:33

*hides in janitor closet to watch*

posted by iconomy 22 June | 14:39

*gets plunger and Drano*

posted by jonmc 22 June | 14:42

That's national cleaning specialist closet to you, iconomy.

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 14:47

Is it ok to say closet, or is that un-pc too?

*chews nails worriedly*

posted by iconomy 22 June | 14:48

Closet is fine, but denim closet is preferable.

posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 15:19

I'm here with the wench! Er, what?

posted by dreamsign 22 June | 15:43

*backs slowly against wall*

Step away from the asscrack, folks, or someone's getting hurt!

Seriously, though, I like the low rise jeans because I have a funky body shape and normal pants can damned near look like bib overalls on me. But the whole asscrack thing is lost on me. Swear to God, right now, SF looks like a walking Abercrombie & Fitch ad.

posted by Frisbee Girl 22 June | 16:47

I just bought four pairs of shorts that are all a bit too big. They hang fairly low. If I go out sans underwear (which happens sometimes), they might show some crack. So far this summer it's been cool enough to wear long sleeve shirts (which may seem irrelevant, but they're long enough to cover my waist, as opposed to my T-shirts, which aren't), so I haven't had a problem yet.

I finally convinced myself that wearing these shorts and showing some skin was okay. I'm thirty-something. I'm not an exhibitionist and am actually pretty shy, but I'm comfortable with my body.

Now you people have me thinking that I should take all the damn shorts back.

Thanks a lot.

grumble grumble.

posted by mudpuppie 22 June | 17:39

Or is it possible that you get a pass if you're not a stupid 19-year-old?

posted by mudpuppie 22 June | 17:40

mudpuppie, I would think that so long as people don't assume you to be a 12-year old boy when you're wearing the shorts, all will be fine.

posted by Frisbee Girl 22 June | 17:44

Or is it possible that you get a pass if you're not a stupid 19-year-old?

That depends. Will you be wearing them ironically?

posted by LeeJay 22 June | 17:47

Frisbee Girl, you have a point.

LeeJay -- the goal is comfort, not irony.

I think I need to call my fashion consultant.

posted by mudpuppie 22 June | 17:58

LeeJay -- the goal is comfort, not irony.

Then I say wear what's comfy and screw what everybody else thinks. Just be careful going commando in khaki shorts. Khakis + unbuffered ass sweat = bad idea.

posted by LeeJay 22 June | 18:31

If I go out sans underwear (which happens sometimes), they might show some crack.

Nothing wrong with butt cheeks -- dem be cute, but this is your ASS CRACK. Can I think of a body part less appealing for general view? ... NO, I CAN'T. Flash me your armpits, show me lint between your toes. THIS IS YOUR ASS CRACK.

That is all.

posted by dreamsign 22 June | 18:34

I kind of liked the boys in nail polish look,...

*thinks back to 79-81 and black nail polish and black lipstick* : >

(seems like a hundred years ago)

posted by amberglow 22 June | 20:49

Unless you're Kiss, Alice Cooper, Twisted Sister or Emmett Kelly, makeup on men is a very bad thing. It's kind of a bad thing on females, if you want to know the truth.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 20:51

Unless you're Kiss, Alice Cooper, Twisted Sister or Emmett Kelly

*whew!*

posted by dreamsign 22 June | 21:34

Dee?

posted by jonmc 22 June | 21:38

Of course I've just discovered a callus on my index finger below the first knuckle from opening beer bottles, so I may not be the best source of wisdom on...well, anything.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 21:41

I think it's sometimes very sexy when men appropriate certain feminine looks - at least...things I find feminine. Like makeup, long hair, earrings, skirts.

Not all at the same time tho ;)

posted by iconomy 22 June | 21:50

Well, if you do all of them at once, they'll rename you RuPaul. Not that Ru isn't 100% man in his own way, but some of us are comfortable with the traditional masculine style, although I did do the long hair thing up until my late 20's, but it was combined with a furry goatee to balance shit out.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 22:06

I like it too. A little eyeliner on the right guy can be extremely hot.

posted by LeeJay 22 June | 22:07

Oh dear me. I remember college. I somehow wound up at a school full of theatre majors. I was at a party and I got up to take a leak. The dude had more cosmetics in his bathroom than most women. That was my first clue that I was enrolled at the wrong institution.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 22:10

although, when I was in my late teens, my then toddler sister and her freind decided they wanted to play "beauty parlor" and my mom said that I had to volunteer my head as a canvas for them. I let them comb out and barette away. They werent too gentle with that brush, lemme tell you.

posted by jonmc 22 June | 22:18

They werent too gentle with that brush, lemme tell you.

When I was little my family attended a Baptist church every Sunday. On Saturday night my mother would pull out her GINORMOUS jar of Dippity Doo and a big bag of pink plastic curlers. She would pull and comb and Dippity Doo my hair up into those horrid little pink things and then I would have to sleep on them so that on Sunday morning I'd have a head full of perfect little ringlets. I hated those things. To this day the sight of sponge curlers makes me think of Sunday School. And pain.

posted by LeeJay 22 June | 23:26

LeeJay,

I feel your pain. Have experienced it. Except instead of DippityDo, I was subjected to AquaNet.

It's a recipe for a massive headache, and for rebellion.

posted by mudpuppie 22 June | 23:43

I think it's sometimes very sexy when men appropriate certain feminine looks

Sometimes. It depends on the guy, though. It's a rare man on whom long hair looks sexy, rather than just sloppy or nerdy. Ditto on clothes and body shape. "Feminine" on guys means something totally different than "feminine" on girls. Done expertly, that sort of androgyny makes me want to throw the boy down and have my way; more often it just looks silly.

posted by Tacky O. Assis 23 June | 01:00

Oh AquaNet. It was my very best friend in jr. high (that and Rave #4). It's probably why I can't run without wheezing.

posted by LeeJay 23 June | 01:15

And, combined with a lighter, Aquanet kills roaches! (Although then when you move out you have to explain to your landlord why you have those little scorch marks all over the kitchen.)

posted by mygothlaundry 23 June | 11:32

22 June 2005