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15 June 2005

What was your first experience of porn? Mine was a 256 colour bitmap on my harddrive-less Acorn A3010. "Wow, so women have indescipherable blurs between their legs!".
An old Penthouse that me and a freind found in the woods around age 8. We ogled in rapt fascination, even though we weren't quite sure why. I remember being surprised and fascinated by the pubic hair.
posted by jonmc 15 June | 17:18
I still haven't experienced it, except for this inexplicable animated film that used to be shown in all the bars on Mallorca in the early 80s, that had a medieval theme, and rabbits, and people shooting penises with crossbows over the ramparts at ladies bending over. I swear I didn't dream this but I have never known where it came from or why it was always showing in the bars. Nobody ever seemed to be watching it.

On preview: Wait, you mean that cardboard box of old Playboys my brother and I found when we were little counts as porn? What about National Geographic, then?
posted by mygothlaundry 15 June | 17:20
I only read National Geographic for the articles.
posted by Pretty_Generic 15 June | 17:21
Also, you need to be goatsed stat.
posted by Pretty_Generic 15 June | 17:24
wow, the navigation says "← Your Going to Hell || "Pretty soon →"
posted by Pretty_Generic 15 June | 17:26
And you are, for mentioning goatse.
posted by mygothlaundry 15 June | 17:27
oops. It was meant to say "← Your Going to Hell || "Pretty Generic →"
posted by taz 15 June | 17:29
I was 11 when I found a naughty book in my mother's dresser drawer.
posted by deborah 15 June | 17:41
Same exact one here, one penthouse from the early eighties and it was all weathered and damp. Porn of any stripe for years evoked that kinda basementy, water damaged sense memory for me. Is there some kind of porn fairy salting the woodses of this great nation with Penthouses? And if so, right on!
posted by Divine_Wino 15 June | 17:42
A Playboy under the bathroom sink of a friend's house. Imagining her father looking at it gave me the creeps.
posted by Specklet 15 June | 17:46
Yes, the porn fairy is a greasy trucker named Bill.
posted by Pretty_Generic 15 June | 17:46
The next-door neighbor had satellite TV and an older brother.
posted by mudpuppie 15 June | 17:52
My brother and I found some really hardcore and not-really-all-that-positive gay porn mags in our local park. Not like BDSM stuff, but that kind of stuff that in retrospect was made for "hetero-slash-closeted" audiences.

We were really confused and scared for a brief number of years, having thought up until then that making babies required a man and a woman, and couldn't figure out why else besides baby-making and peeing would there be penises involved in anything, much less anuses.

I think my next experience after that was either those titty-drenched biker mags, or those totally seedy "free" adult weekly mags that pretty much only advertised phone sex lines and escort services.

However, if the criteria is "first porn ever enjoyed", it'd probably have to be the stacks of National Geographic, and lots of it. Ah, thanks Grandpa!
posted by loquacious 15 June | 17:55
Oh yeah and soon after that -New Yorker Shoutout ahead- fucking channel J! Robyn Byrd, and the 970-PEEE girl (the extra e is for extra pee.)

Ahh the sordid '80's in New York. Proust had madelines, I have midnight blue and dryrot.
posted by Divine_Wino 15 June | 17:57
Same exact one here, one penthouse from the early eighties

early eighties? I found mine around 1978. For some reason I always thought you were older than me. Lester Bangs to my Legs McNeill so to speak.
posted by jonmc 15 June | 18:02
Goes to show how text can age a man. Babes, I am 29 years old, but for all intents and purposes I'm probably about a permanent sprightly spiritual 76.
posted by Divine_Wino 15 June | 18:06
Wow, I'm 34. So I get to be Lester and you get to be Legs.
posted by jonmc 15 June | 18:06
As long as I get to be Tubbs, that's cool.
posted by Divine_Wino 15 June | 18:12
I'm still waiting for someone to say "Custer's Revenge". Although those people are probably long dead from gnawing their own limbs off.
posted by Pretty_Generic 15 June | 18:13
As long as I get to be Tubbs, that's cool.

Well, since I'm the old guy, I get to be Castillo.
posted by jonmc 15 June | 18:17
posted by Pretty_Generic 15 June | 18:20

Yeah! Floppy crack is hard to get in the pipe and it burns poorly. Down with Floppy Crack!
posted by jonmc 15 June | 18:23
No jonmc, you get to be Edward. It's Tubbs and Edward.
posted by Pretty_Generic 15 June | 18:35
While not the first, certainly the most awe inspiring was government owned and operated, more or less. Growing up in the sixties limited porn to looking at the nudist magazines at the local drug store when no one was looking. The summer after high school I worked for the city (a small midwestern town). Behind the water plant was a large garage that by design had 4 walls, a floor, and a roof. The first time I was allowed in, as a 17 year old, I saw what had to be the most outstanding collection of porn known to man. You could take all the porn on the Internet and not equal the amount of porn hanging on those walls. This town was founded in 1836 and when they found it it must have already had this building with half the walls already covered with revolutionary war porn. This was maintained by government employees in a government building. Somehow I suspect that it is no longer there.
posted by mss 15 June | 18:53
A friend of my brother's had some hard-core porn in the attic above his garage. I think he said it was an older brother's or something. Anyway, I can remember being very confused by the creamy ejaculate all the guys had.... I wondered where *that* came from?

My dad was a card-caryin' member of the Playboy Club and had a subscription to the magazine. He had a drawer full of 'em, and I'm sure he knew me and my brothers knew they were there.
posted by Doohickie 15 June | 18:58
I always wondered how old everyone is. Thread- worthy, or shall we remain enigmatic? Oh, sorry, off- topic.

First porn... oh, I remember, it was in a book..Got it! It was the bridesmaid/Sonny sex thing in The Godfather. Read it at the neighbor's house while babysitting. Not really porn, I guess, just Intro To.
posted by puddinghead 15 June | 18:58
I'm 21
posted by Pretty_Generic 15 June | 19:04
posted by puddinghead 15 June | 19:40
First porn... oh, I remember, it was in a book..Got it! It was the bridesmaid/Sonny sex thing in The Godfather. Read it at the neighbor's house while babysitting. Not really porn, I guess, just Intro To.

Ah. Boxes.
posted by mudpuppie 15 June | 19:42
What is porn?

I'm the Grandad of the bunch at 43 (almost as old as quonsar)
posted by dg 15 June | 19:43
Is the age thing really going to be buried in this thread?
posted by mudpuppie 15 June | 19:43
mss, I had a similar experience at 13 working for a freind of my dad who managed a raincoat factory in the Bronx. I stumbled upon a large stash of fairly hardcore stuff he had in his office, that I'd thumb through when he wasn't around. A month after I started, the place burned down. He's a butcher now.
posted by jonmc 15 June | 20:00
In fourth grade, when we moved into a new house we found a stack (10-12 mags) o' hardcore outside, behind some cut wood.

It made moving and leaving my friends behind a *little* less painful.
posted by papercake 15 June | 20:25
A copy of Nancy Friday's "My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies" found in parents basement at approx age 14-15. I had been very very innocent before that. Now I am the person I am today. Draw your own conclusions.
posted by matildaben 15 June | 20:40
It's a great story, and like so many others, it involves a trip to Barnsley, awkwardly standing in a bus stop stationary store and pretending you're eighteen. For the record, the porn other people bought was so much better than mine. It was Penthouse, and it smelled like cosmopoliton smells now. I can't buy a womans magazine without remembering that mag. In the end, I cut out the pictures I liked, and placed them in my own scrap book. We had a cleaner then, and she found the mag with the pictures cut out. She asked me what had happened to the missing pictures. I said I'd lent it to a friend, and he'd cut the pictures out. She asked me if I'd like to sit next to her while she read the stories. I was 14, she was 18. I freaked out.

In the end, my mother found out about my mag. All she could say was "Thank God - I thought he was gay."

posted by seanyboy 15 June | 20:48
Playboy magazines from 1973- the same year I was born. They were in a friend's parents' closet. "Debbie Does Dallas", shortly afterwards, at another friends' house. His dad had MOUNTAINS of pr0n.
posted by exlotuseater 15 June | 22:13
Torn up mag found in someone's trash in a back alley. Not Playboy. Something definitely more... hardcore.
posted by dreamsign 15 June | 23:33
I've never really seen porn at all.

Though I guess it depends how you define it.

I have always had, though, a lively imagination.
posted by jokeefe 16 June | 00:29
Softcore: Dad's Playboys
Hardcore: Dad's porn videos (70s porn is so much hotter than today's stuff)

My Dad was really a very responsible, stable, non-pervy guy. Really.
posted by LeeJay 16 June | 00:53
Your Going to Hell || "Pretty soon