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24 August 2016

I was born to make you happy This Guardian article reminded me of how a depressed friend said that he thought "I was born to make you happy" threatening. [More:]I was suprised since the song speaks of an immense commitment to you. That's great, isn't it.
Only on second thought did I realise that he felt threatened by the demand to be happy.

His case was a rather extreme one. But still.

On the one hand we thirst for an attractive person to be totally committed to us. But if someone really does commit totally we tend to feel it's a sign of neediness and cloyingness and low personal value. And their attractiveness may decline concomitantly.

Pop songs like this express our moments of solitary neediness. In all their pathetic intensity. Imbue them with meaning and value.
While of course in daily life we have to hide these strong emotions of need because they defy their aim. And they're misspent and worthless in the greater realm of society.

This is all to confess that once, as a 20 something, this was me: I looked at someone and instantly I was so attracted that I couldn't help but feel that if only they realised the strenght of my emotion they'd know that I was all they needed to be happy.
It's the force of emotion overcoming reality.

And then of course it turns out reality ignores the distortion shield of emotion.

I'm a middle aged guy now. And my feelings of attraction have a different vibe.
But I still remember those moments of intense helpless attraction. And the attendant stress and anguish.

It makes me wonder about the prospects of my daughter who's growing up. How will she navigate these power dynamics?

At this point I get the impression that metachat is to some people like a well that you can shout your innermost secrets into.
You need to share but you don't want anybody to hear.

This is my unheard confession.
I know now at this stage of life (well into middle-aged) that I am unlikely now to find happiness. So I have to take contentment and, rarely, joy where I can.
posted by Senyar 25 August | 13:31
Sets up unrealistic expectations, I think. No one can make you "happy." Happiness, to whatever degree, is an internal state. Better to be responsible for your own happiness (and orgasms : )

There's a lot to be said for contentment. I've come to appreciate the blessings of an ordinary day.
posted by Pips 25 August | 14:15
Yeah, those are unrealistic expectations alright.
It's just that I was reminded of how heady a drug hormones are.
posted by jouke 26 August | 11:35
We have a new winner || Weekend plans 3-point bulletin