MetaChat - Musing about gendered toys

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04 September 2013

Musing about gendered toys OK guys, so here is something I am overthinking. →[More:]So my (just turning 5yo) daughter has loved lego for years. But now there is this, grrrr, lego for girls (ie. in pink and purple packaging) that has probably been around for a while, but hasn't been on my radar. Anyway, I was shopping for her 5th bd and going to buy her lego and she is insisting that she doesn't like lego, because it's boy toys. But she likes the "girl lego" sigh.

So anyone who vaguely knows me will know that I have Opinions on gendering toys like lego that are totally gender neutral. It really, really pisses me off. And I didn't buy any "girl" lego for her. But by the same token, she IS totally at that age where they are sorting out gender and being very rigid about gender roles and that's totally normal! And it will calm down in a few years!

My concern is that I don't want to turn her off awesome lego building stuff by NOT buying some "girl" lego, now that she knows it's out there. But I don't want to implicitly endorse the concept that lego has to be gendered at all! Especially when the "boy" lego is the default and the "girl" lego is the special one. (seriously, when was this invented? sometime in the last 5 years, right?) If I don't buy her the girl stuff, am I a boring humorless mother, sacrificing her enjoyment and nascent engineering side for a principle? If I do buy her the girl stuff am I ghettoizing her lego choices?

Sigh. See? Overthinking.

Your thoughts?

post by: gaspode at: 21:40 | 21 comments

I don't think there's one correct answer. If it were me (keeping in mind I'm not a parent!), I'd probably buy the "girl legos" (and I share your WTF-ness). It seems like they're marketing them that way exactly to solve your dilemma -- keeping young girls interested in playing with legos. The gendered marketing is obviously ridiculous, but I think pink legos are at least not gender-role reinforcing in the way that stripper poles for toddlers or whatever are.

posted by occhiblu 04 September | 21:50

I am struggling with the exact same impulses for my turning-6-years-old-next-month daughter. I think the way I am leaning is to get a set or two of the "girl lego" and ALSO a tub of the standard bricks, and maybe some random wheels/windows/minifigs. And then all the bricks from all the sets will likely get combined in the same tub together. Full Lego integration!

posted by fancyoats 04 September | 22:08

Yeah, see what annoys me is that she's never had an issue with it, always loved Lego, UNTIL she discovered the existence of the gendered stuff.

posted by gaspode 04 September | 22:11

Oooo... pink Lego. Cool. (I realize I am not a help.)

posted by Pips 04 September | 22:16

I think if you do buy it for her, it will be a toy she wanted and she will be happy with it for a short time then it will be like any other toy and probably will be blended with the normal lego sets she already has.
You could get it for her and say something like "I got you this set because you wanted it, but all lego pieces are for both boys and girls. These fit with the lego you already have, too, so you can play with all of them together if you want."

posted by rmless2 04 September | 22:54

How do you feel about the whole Goldie Blox deal?

posted by Eideteker 04 September | 23:21

Overthinking.

And by doing so, you'll give your daughter a gender complex. She'll start to worry about what's wrong with being a girl. Don't fight the gender wars with your kids, let them be who *they* want to be and not what you think society should be.

posted by Doohickie 04 September | 23:35

Metafilter linked to a piece about the Girl Lego not long ago.

Realistically gender seems to be a huge deal for kids that age, so I think you'll probably have to give in and get her the Girl Lego: at least it can still be used to construct things. Maybe encourage her to mix up the pieces with her old Lego. It might eventually help her realise how silly the gender thing is to look at an individual block and decide if it's a Girl Block or a Boy Block.

posted by TheophileEscargot 05 September | 00:13

Thanks all. Big range of responses especially when combined with my facebook page, where I also asked the question.

I think my daughter is fairly unlikely to get a gender complex, particularly given she's one of the girliest girls that ever girled and has a closet full of princess dress ups, tutus, dolls, tea sets etc.

But that's an interesting point, especially given I tend to look at it from completely the other direction and think that it's the company potentially giving girls the gender complex, implying that the regular legos, the default is boys only and making "separate but equal" legos for girls. Lego has always been gender neutral and I really wish they'd kept it that way.

posted by gaspode 05 September | 07:11

I would go along with those who suggest to just get the 'girl' Lego because they are what she wants at the moment. If she has a lot of other Lego, she won't be able to make much with only the 'girl' stuff and they'll end up integrated anyway. But now with more colours! Effectively, once the blocked get put together, they'll no longer be 'gendered'.

I've watched this play out with all four of my kids (F, F, F, M) over the last 25 or so years with interest. In all cases, they've been bought a mix of toys, been dressed in a variety of colours and been encouraged to play with and at whatever takes their fancy in an attempt to make sure traditional gender roles were not forced on them. Despite this, the girls ended up liking girl stuff and the boy likes nothing better than to either build things or smash them to pieces (I once gave him a dead printer to pull apart because he's interested in how things work - he pulled it apart with a sledgehammer). I'm convinced (based on no scientific evidence whatsoever) that 'gender' is hard-wired and kids will grow up how they'll grow up despite how parents try to influence them. So don't overthink this stuff - Maddie will grow up into big Maddie no matter what.

posted by dg 05 September | 07:11

Although, I also have three daughters that can use a hammer, saw, drill or pretty much any other tool and will never need to a ask for help changing a tyre, but there's no way of knowing if that would have happened given a different approach.

posted by dg 05 September | 07:14

To be sure. My first postdoc was doing research on development of sexually differentiated behavior and brain structures. A proportion is certainly hard-wired. And a proportion is not, of course.

posted by gaspode 05 September | 07:23

Certain types of marketing should be illegal.
It used to be just satire.

posted by Obscure Reference 05 September | 07:39

Yeah, the girl lego sent me into apoplexy when I first heard about it. Kids toys are WAY more gendered than they used to be - those of us who have older kids don't always understand just how bad it's gotten out there. 15 years ago toy stores didn't have all pink areas and all blue areas and not much at all in between but they do now. That said, I agree 100% with rmless2 and others - it will integrate into the general box o' lego pretty quickly. I will add that it's never to early to start a dialogue about corporations, marketing and how things are sold to kids. "Why do you think the lego people are making two kinds of legos now when there used to be only one? Do you think that means they think they can sell twice as much lego? What makes this kind of lego for boys and this one for girls?" Etc. Kids need to know that they're being sold and how they're being sold; it's basic defensive 21st century knowledge.

You could also just only ever buy generic lego. ;-)

posted by mygothlaundry 05 September | 11:09

I was a totally girly girl myself. What also made me confident and feminist was a consistent message from both my parents that they were sure I could accomplish anything. That's something that I'm confident your daughter is getting from you, too.

The color and gendering of the Legos matters not at all. I'd get her what she wants if you feel like it's a good use of your money, otherwise not.

posted by bearwife 05 September | 11:53

Yeah.

I just don't really like the kiddo getting a message from anywhere that there's only one way to be a girl.

Like, a few people have said "why do you want to send a message that being a girl is bad?" but that's not it. That implies there is only one way to be a girl, the pinkified way. Being a girl is awesome, but when femininity becomes prescribed by corporations, that's when I see red. And it's bad for boys too, of course, because it limits their ways of expressing themselves too. If there's only one way of being a girl, then where does that leave boys who want to play with the "girly stuff"?

Good point up there, mgl.

But in the end, she has plenty of legos that she likes. She will no doubt get some girly ones down the line (actually, I now know from my fb post that she's getting some from a friend for her birthday this weekend). And we will mix them in and will NOT be calling them "girl legos".

And the upside is that it will increase the colors available to her.

posted by gaspode 05 September | 14:34

Yeah, we went to LegoLand on vacation this year and the "girl" stuff was literally ghettoed in the store. Way in the back and in a corner. And some of the stuff they had would have been good for boys to have, too - calendars, adddress books, stuff to do with friends. Pah. Anyhoo, my nieces aren't that into Lego to begin with, so it didn't affect them much.

Another thing is Lego isn't just about bricks anymore. They've got characters and fantasy worlds that they're pushing (Chima comes to mind) that seem more gender balanced.

What made me see red was when Hero Factory killed off the only girl they had in version 3.0. They brought her back in 4.0 and 5.0, but she's not "Natalie Breeze", she's "Breez".

I like mgl's answer, too.

posted by lysdexic 05 September | 15:03

Kids can be crazy conformist gender police, but she's growing up in New York with rational parents, so it's not like she'll being oppressed into thinking this way. Playing with stuff without baggage is fun and hopefully you will be able to taunt her mercilessly in front of her college friends about her pretty pretty princess phase.

There are always issues with people who latch onto external things as part of their identity, but kids are like crows or octopi: they want to stare at the shiny/fluffy/sparkly thing. If she never acquires good taste, though, she's never getting that internship at Vogue and will end up chain smoking in the back alley pageant circuit, fluffing Lil Poundcake's sequins.

Have fun at Fashion Week.

Now I have to check her animal year to see if she's a born conformist.

posted by ethylene 06 September | 08:59

She's a wood rat, iirc

posted by gaspode 06 September | 09:29

Oh, well, good lord, I'll be sending you an email or you contact me. Every pseudo-fashionista I've personally known has been of that quadratic stripe. They love rules and conformity.
But you know what else they love? Innovation, flash and clever money.
Auntie eth may have to catch that Alan Cumming revival of Cabaret--

posted by ethylene 06 September | 11:58

You could point out to her that the Lego for Girls sets are tamer activities, and that the minifigs have breasts, big hair, and infantilized features. The astronaut helmet is going to play hell with that hair. I really hate the massive pink princess-ification of toys, clothes, everything for girls, but the social pressure is pretty serious. I'd probably get her 1 girl-y set, and a Hogwarts set. Partly because the Hogwarts sets are pretty cool, but also to quietly show her that Legos are for kids and adults, regardless of gender.

It's a sexist world; you'll be having more of these discussions. sigh.

posted by theora55 06 September | 14:38

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