good news for a change i've posted to askme under my name and a sock a lot about a relationship i had been that was just horrible. some mefites were so helpful and supportive during that time. so now a year later, i'm actually in the beginning of damn good happy awesome relationship. →[More:]

as with any relationship, there's a lot of backstory. but long story short, we met when we were both with other people, he very properly friendzoned me as i was in a place where my boundary setting abilities were not the best, yet he stayed in touch all this time, inviting me out to group happy hours with the crew from the magazine where i used to work and he still does.

so, a couple months ago, he left her. he didn't leave her for me or anything crazy like that. i actually hadn't heard from him in a while which was kinda strange, but i never initiated contact, since there was kind of unspoken feeling that he was the one do that.

in light of his recent separation, we are taking things very slowly. hell, until like three weeks ago we had never even been alone together in a bar, much less my apartment. i really thought he was never interested in me at all.

but apparently people have seen something we haven't for a loooong time, so it's kinda nice and charming and funny that we're getting together now. some mutual friends have told me that as much as they liked his ex, they were all hoping one day he and i would get together.

and thanks to mefi, i now know how to have those conversations i need to have in order to protect my own heart and how to set boundaries that i am comfortable with, and just wow, it's all working.

we're like a couple of cautious kids and it's just so fantastic to feel like finally i'm not giving up any part of my self or happiness to be with someone.


wow this has gone much longer than i intended. every other wall of text i've ever written has been about something awful and sucky. so this is good, i guess :)

but the best thing is that sometimes i catch him just sitting there and smiling at me. and when i look at him when he does that, he doesn't look away, he just keeps looking right at me, like he's just pleased as punch to have me to look at. it makes me smile right now just thinking about that look.

even one of my guy friends the other night said "that guy really likes you. he just sits there and smiles while looking at you." i had no idea it was that obvious. i do feel kinda bad because i think he has always looked at me that way. and his ex probably saw it. i just never took it to mean anything other than a goofy boy looking at me. i thought he was gonna marry that other girl. and that's one of the great things about him...he never crossed any lines and tried to have any emotional affair type stuff with me, so even if he thought he had feelings for me, he made damn sure to not do anything or encourage anything that would make things messy.

so yeah. that's that. we've gone on actual date. he's coming to my birthday dinner tomorrow. and next friday we're going to each other's holiday parties for work.

i've never been so nervous in a good way about seeing someone again and hoping that maybe we'll get to kiss again! seriously! i'm 33 and 364 days old...who thought i would ever feel like this? amazing!!!!

ok, so yeah. i think i'm all done. mefi has felt like a general internet friend for quite some time so i needed to gush to that friend for a change instead of bitching about some asshole.

i know there's definitely things people would be concerned, what with him so recently being out of a long term relationship, but in my gut, in my heart of hearts, i don't have the same feeling that something is off, that i'm wishing something were that isn't. i don't know how to explain that properly.

i'm pretty sure i've read about it on askme and now i just know. because for so long i fought that little voice inside that told me things were bad and i was hoping wishes would become reality.

that little voice is just quiet and happy now. i used to think i didn't understand what trusting yourself meant. i did. i just didn't want to listen to what i was telling myself.