1. Work reached out- they're desperate for me to return. They proposed that instead of staying out until October, to start part-time in September entirely from home (3 days on, 2 off using my bank of paid vacation) and push off coming back full-time until November. An interesting proposition. I think I'm going to do it- gives me more time at home with the baby, keeps me from not having to take any unpaid FMLA leave, helps me not have to come back to a complete work disaster all at once. It might be crazy but it'll only be for 7 weeks or so and I feel like you can do almost anything for 7 weeks. I know that I tend to hold myself to a far higher work standard than anyone else, so I'm sure whatever I can get done will be welcomed.

2. Marc's family comes to visit next Tuesday for a few days. I hear they're very excited to meet their grandson. Curious to see what else they'll want to do while they're in town- Marc claims they're fine just sitting around with the baby, but I've been on "vacation" with them and they generally don't like to sit around for more than 5 minutes. I feel pretty much back to full health, but I don't want to run around with the baby too much because it just winds him up and then he's tired and screamy all night.

3. Marc loves to watch Doctor Who and I haaaaate it. It's so confusing and scary. I'm such a wienie.

Ah yes, the inevitable kitty test. :)

1. I have to have my performance appraisal shit in by the end of the month. One of my objectives is to submit an article for publication. I have notes and other articles, but haven't written a lick of the one I want to submit. I just don't care about it. And it's not a depressed don't care, it's more of 'I didn't get dick last year and I did 4! articles, so why the fuck should I bother busting my balls this year'. Which my boss has repeatedly told me he also feels. I am being very careful to not be too obvious about feeling like giving no fucks, but damn, I give no fucks about work at the moment.

2. Since September is going to be super crazypants for me (3 weekend trips!), I'm trying to get my written assignment for my first petitioning pillar done by the end of the month as well. Haven't written a lick for that one either, but that's more due to paralyzing fear that I'm going to fuck it up because there wasn't really a huge amount of guidelines given and if I fuck it up, I'm going to be thrown out or whatever, even though my teacher has said that it doesn't have to be super long, but definitely more than a page, lolz. And I know that those assignments are more of an 'at your own pace' kind of thing, but I want to get it done before fall really gets going so I can be doing fire during the wintertime, which will hopefully help with the mopes.

3. I've really gone into slacker mode, with way too much eating and definitely too much drinking and not nearly enough meditating and exercising. I know that I get a bit mopey when I return from trips, but it's hard to focus on other things. Exercising sucks because it is hot and by the time I get home from work, I don't want to do anything and I can't really get up any earlier than I do now. Also, my foot is intermittenly cranky for some reason and I should call a podiatrist or something, but I'm worried that they'll be all 'you're just fat'. It's been hurting on and off since March and it hurts more when I walk around, but not so much when I first get up in the morning, so I'm not sure what is the matter with it.

3b. I'm also planning on submitting my resignation from my volunteer gig at NARA this Friday. Train fare and parking is almost $20 a visit plus I'm seriously bored at it and keep falling asleep and I can barely walk by the time I get down there and I'm practically in tears by the time I get back to my car. I feel bad about it though since I always thought I would stick it out until I got a 'real' job, but it's been over 2 years so I'm done with my 'contract'.

Sperose, I'm worried about you. Don't care mode at work, big anxiety re your petitioning pillar, not taking care of yourself physically, feeling fat, unexplained pain, and trouble staying awake. Doesn't all this suggest you are in fact feeling depressed again? I know you dug out of deep depression about a year ago . . . whatever helped then, I'd do it now. And please, have a doc look at your foot.

Re my 3 point --

1. Finding it very weird to eat only white food to abide by my current tooth whitening regimen. And even weirder than that to be sipping hot water instead of tea or coffee.

2. Fixed a flat on my bike last week and am reveling in how much easier it is to go up hills on my bike to train and back commute with actual air in the tires.

3. Seeing friends for a jazz night out tomorrow night. Very much looking forward to that.

((((sperose))))

1. Fighting off a vaguely defined flu for the past several days. Improvements are not linear.

2. Elderly neighbor's wife passed away, he now lives alone, and his children live far away. I've added him to my mental list of people I need to check in with frequently. They were married for fifty years. He looks like he got hit by a bomb, poor guy.

3. On the upside, some good friends are visiting from São Paulo next week. We are very excited for them to come, they are a great couple, and it is the first time the wife will be visiting our home. Adding awesome to upside, the wife loves to cook and she rolls up her sleeves and just dives in the kitchen without a second thought. I gotta admire a woman like that. She also makes a bitchin' bulgogi, I am sooooo looking forward to that.

I've never liked Doctor Who either.

1. On vacation.
2. Eating lots and lots and lots of heavy restaurant food (see #1).
3. I took a beginner archery lesson yesterday and did well considering how unathletic I am.

1. It's not so much that I don't like Dr. Who as it is that I don't understand it. Or understand the appeal, anyway. I've seen a few early episodes and had to watch them over and over a few times just to get everything. Way too much work for a medium that's supposed to be relaxing.

2. When I was 7 and my precocious sister was 9, she watched both Dr. Who and Monty Python and understood them completely. And she then called me stupid but not understanding them.

3. Currently catsitting in a house that has great energy, for some reason. It's a cozy old house, with a very agreeable cat, and a fantastic mattress on the bed. Having been a catsitter for 20 years, I notice these things.

!. This afternoon, I walked into the bathroom, pulled the door shut, and said "UH OH" as the knob clunked onto the floor, locking me inside.

2. This happened once before, years ago, which is why I keep a screwdriver in the bathroom cabinet --- just in case. But we had to clear the counters and remove the shelves for the recent plumbers' visit and a few stray things hadn't been replaced yet. Like the screwdriver.

3. Happily, The Fella hadn't left for work yet so he could brace the outside knob while I reattached the inside knob with a pair of tweezers. McGyver would be proud. (Since plan B was me crawling out the window onto the shared porch in my underthings, my incentive to fix it was strong.)

Bonus #4: I put the screwdriver back in the bathroom immediately --- just in case.

1. I already shared way too much in the "my mother should've aborted me" thread, but it was a good exercise in re-examining old issues.

2. My 20-year-old 'new' car is rapidly turning to shit in spite of the best efforts of a neighbor with experience as a 'shade-tree mechanic' (and who I have paid off with items in my storage unit he can use better than I). OR, is he making things worse? I see two other neighbors' cars he has saved, but is my Ancient Legacy beyond his Mad Skillz? Well, I paid so little for it, I originally hoped I'd get a year and 5000 miles out of it... only four months and 1500 miles? Small loss.

3. The outdoor cat I've been watching and feeding since its owner died is starting to act like she wants to be an indoor cat. Is it just that she's warming up to this guy she always knew was a Dog Person but is now providing her non-wild-game food? Or is she attracted by that other pet I 'inherited', the cockatiel inside my apartment? (Who, by the way, is also adapting, branching out from mere squawking to a variety of interesting songs, which her previous owner insisted he did but had never done in front of me)

notes to others:
senyar, if the kitties are all going over to the new BF, it may not be a good sign to HIM about YOU...
TPS and others, Doctor Who is an acquired taste. I was first introduced in my early 20's when an LA independent station, desperate for content, showed the Jon Pertwee and early Tom Baker eps Monday-Friday, opposite another channel showing Star Trek reruns. A good way to be introduced to the original show, and later when the PBS station started showing it as 90-minute to 2-hour blocks of multiple-episode arcs on Saturdays, it was a lot less fun. Upon its revival, I never accepted Eccleston's over-seriousness and was relieved to see Tennant's tennis shoes and Matt Smith's bow tie... still, the current incarnation seems to take itself more seriously than I wish it did. But it DOES really help if you're familiar with the earlier incarnations.
sperose, writer's block is not a good sign - when I was in my most severe depression, I could still write, and it helped, but it was non-work-related writing... and my more recent wandering away from the 1000-word articles that I sold for minor supplemental income is one of the things worrying me. The September deadlines should help clarify the situation; until then, GET TO WORK, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ENJOYING IT.
bearwife, does the 'white food' regimen include white chocolate? As far as tooth health, maybe not a great choice, but still...

1. Oh, Metachat, it's been too long.

2. I feel ya, Sperose. I finally figured out I'm not so much in a depression as an anxiety spike. I'm *about* to start a bunch of stuff that could have a really cool payoff, but if they don't work, life is pretty meh. I don't fall from a great height, but I'll be in the same rut. But I still have to get off my ass.

3. Vacation was lovely, now that I'm two weeks away from it. I didn't get as far as I wanted, but I got to go to the beach, see good friends, and bring home a stash of goat milk that I'm still drinking.

oneswellfoop, it probably does but sadly I hate white chocolate. I am now realizing how strongly I tend toward, not just colored, but strongly colored foods and spices. It'lll be a long two weeks . . .

1. I am eating "European Style" rice pudding and taking prednisone following . . .

2. . . oral surgery involving extractions (one of which had been an impaction) and bone grafts while listening to A Fire Upon the Deep audiobook on a GPX mp3 player which had recently been the woot of the day.

3. In order to get my drugs I was required to speak on the phone to Medicare (what some people think will solve the USian health care situation were it given to all) to obtain 4 (count 'em) id numbers representing my Part D coverage while simultaneously biting on gauze to stop the bleeding and holding an ice bag on my jaw to prevent the swelling.

ALL the kittens went over to him, which can only be a good sign.

Did you get a count of the kittens, when you got there, and when you left? Because, you may as well know sooner than later.

Ah yes, danf, they were all in a big cage.

1. I have a vacation hangover. Feeling very tired and weepy. We got back from our cruise last Friday, and I have yet to unpack. Or shower. Or get dressed, come to think of it, except to move the car for street cleaning Monday. A friend called but I haven't called her back. I watch a lot of TV. I watch the leaves on the tree outside our living room window. I miss Jon when he's at work. I need a nap. It's probably time for me to go back to work. I start after Labor Day. I don't want to go. The thought of it's exhausting.

2. I did manage to write a proposal for Classroom Library books, which I need desperately, with DonorsChoose. It'll post within the next week, hopefully. I need to write a few more for books. There's no money in the school budget for books or supplies. I spent entirely too much of my own money last year. They used to give teachers about $240 for discretionary supplies for the students. It wasn't a fortune, but it helped. Last year we got nothing, and this year they're promising about $50. That amounts to less than 50 cents a kid for me. The whole DonorsChoose process is time consuming, but I'm grateful for it. I have a lot of students who come to school with nothing, no notebook, no pen, nothing. I do what I can.

3. We're going to Portland, ME, for a long weekend in September to see Jon's family. I'm looking forward to that. I love Portland. Lighthouses and lobster rolls and the Port Hole. And, not having much contact with my own family anymore except for my mom (it's like we've lost our center since the house was sold and my mom's in assisted living), I appreciate time with Jon's. Last year, his mother made me tea when I wasn't feeling well and I just about burst into tears. And his sister's three kids are adorable, if a handful. We got the two girls these cool stuffed mermaid dolls in St. Thomas. They were the last two or I would've gotten one for myself (I keep teasing Jon I'm gonna keep 'em -- I love mermaids). In any case, I've booked the flights and reserved a car, but I still have to reserve a hotel. I was considering the HoJo's or the Hampton Inn. I'd rather be right in the Old Port, but those hotels are three times as much. We could stay with Jon's family, but his mom gently suggested we might prefer "our own bathroom." No biggie. In a way it'll be good to come back to the hotel and decompress. Maybe Jon's grandmother, who lives there now (a very sweet lady), will teach me how to make her gnocchi. So pillowy soft, they're to die for.

Portland meet-up? Portland loves a good meet-up. If I'm around town while you're visitng, I'd LOVE a chance to meet you two in person!

Have you checked The Regency in the Old Port? Depending on the season, they can be pretty competitive with the outlying chains. (I have no affiliation with them, but I always wanted to stay there.) I just plugged in a random weekend date for Sept and it was only five bucks more than the same weekend at Hampton Inn. (Of course, it's totally likely that my "random weekend" hit some sweet spot in their fee algorithm or whatever. Anyhow, worth a mention.)

Also, I'm looking forward to hearing all about your cruise! I hope it was just dreamy.

(Oops, my bad: I was looking at the Hampton Inn on the waterfront. The airport rooms are, of course, a good deal less. Sorry to butt in.)

1. Have become obsessed with ...something. It's probably not healthy, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

2. Other than obsession I want to sleep all the time. Again, not very healthy.

3. I've been listening to a local pop station for a mood elevator and, surprisingly, I am enjoying it.

1. I'm feeling awfully smart for reaching the "buy 10 ebooks, get one free" level and using my free ebook on a pricy preorder. We will bypass the "no paranormal romance ebook should be 12 freakin' dollars" rant for the moment.

2. My manager is out of the office for a few days to move into her new house. My interest in doing work has dropped greatly.

3. My little team got her a Fiestaware butter dish. I went back and forth on a color and settled on plum. I think we'll give it to her during our team meeting Tuesday to make sure she doesn't go out and buy one herself. I'm hoping unpacking will keep her away from stores this weekend.

Thanks, Elsa... no worries -- I appreciate any tips. And yeah, it was the airport Hampton I was looking at. I figure I'll wait a bit and watch the prices. I don't know how booked up it might get, though, since it's the Jewish New Year (I get a long weekend then, so we can go -- other dates in August, when Jon's vacation time reset, didn't work for Jon's family). It would be very cool to get together when we're there. Do remind me -- feel free to email -- cause I'm rather absent minded, I'm afraid.

As for the cruise, I wrote about it a bit in the last "4 point," I think (I'd link, but sadly I don't know how on my iPad). Thanks for asking, though. It was fun, but it already seems like a year ago. Jon's gonna put up some more pictures on his flikr this weekend. I'm already eyeing the Alaska one, out of Seattle, which, surprisingly to me, cost the same as the Caribbean. Gotta build the bank account back up first, though (after our Portland jaunt, of course). And we're hoping to go to New Orleans next April.

It would be very cool to get together when we're there. Do remind me -- feel free to email -- cause I'm rather absent minded, I'm afraid.

Will do! September is going to be busy but I'll see if we can't squeak in a meeting while you're here. Maybe a full-on meet-up if you're up for it.

I never accepted Eccleston's over-seriousness and was relieved to see Tennant's tennis shoes and Matt Smith's bow tie

Funny, I just wrote a little bit (for The Fella's weekly rental-rec newsletter) about revisiting Eccleston's Doctor and finding him quite effective at grounding an otherwise intentionally goofy initial episode with his chilling anger and irritation and the occasional mad grin. He's a lonely man desperate to save the universe, one by one, but he's as badly in need of saving as anyone he ever helps. I'm absolutely certain that Eccleston is part of the reason I got pulled in to Doctor Who at that point.

But then, I had no childhood nostalgia for the show, aside from hiding behind the sofa while the end theme played out while I waited for the next PBS show to air. I really need to seek out Paul McGann's run as Doctor to see how he fares.

Obscure Reference, I have been surprisingly satisfied with my Part D Prescription Coverage, probably because I have dealt with the 90-Day-Mail-Order-Service for most things, and my local Emergency Pharmacy is at Costco, which I first dealt with when I had a non-painful emergency and who do well enough with the filekeeping nonsense that I haven't had to do more than let them copy numbers off my new ID card once a year. But then, my Part D is part of a Medicare Advantage Plan, which was just close enough to an HMO to scare me when I first moved up here, but has somehow served me well... so far... I still thoroughly expect several kinds of Hell when/if I require major in-hospital service.

And Elsa, Paul McGann's "run" as The Doctor was mostly a single movie-length pilot for FOX in 1996 (which suffered from some 'Americanization' that even I, as a casual American Who fan, noticed) or are you referring to his many audiobook and radio productions of frequently challenged canon-ality? BBC Radio apparently still occasionally airs "8th Doctor Adventures" while the 11th Doctor is cavorting on TV. That is where the Who-iverse gets a little too confusing for me (even though it's the Time Travel SciFi franchise that mostly ignores Temporal Paradoxes... which is necessary, because otherwise, it would've collapsed on itself in the early 80s and left a black hole in the BBC that would've sucked in not just Red Dwarf and most of the Monty Python alumni, but probably also Antiques Roadshow, Last of the Summer Wine and EastEnders)

1. I am going to meet babby pinkxno tomorrow! Today I hung out with another baby and 3 yr old. I guess I am trying to do the baby circuit while I have some days free.

2. The reason I have days free is that I got a new job and quit my old job!!! The new one doesn't start til sept so I have glorious time off. I am going to volunteer at the girls camp I usually go to, and then hang out and get the house in order and errands done before I start work.

3. not working is awesome and I wish I could do it all the time!

1. The boy and I are officially in a relationship! It is an LDR. It will be hard, which brings me to point number 2...

2. The boy is very sexual, as well as dealing with severe insecurity issues, and is worried about the effect that lack of regular sex will have on him. We are considering a semi-open relationship for the 10+ months we are apart. That is, we are allowed to have sex with other people as long as we follow a number of ground rules, including no emotional intimacy, no FWBs, etc. I am much more okay with the idea of this than I thought I would be. In fact, I actually have very little problem with it at all.

3. Although I love being home in the States, I am beyond excited to move to Bangalore for my fellowship.

1. Portland, ME is awesome.

2. Portland MeFites are awesome.

.3

Thanks everyone for the whuffles and wishes. I think I was just extra cranky yesterday since I woke up with my back really hurting. I'm feeling less shitty today and am going to make a really concerted effort to get more fruits/veggies, more time with my HappyLight, and remembering to take my nighttime pills (trazodone and lamictal). (I forgot them twice over the weekend, so no wonder I felt so bad!) Started writing up notes from my reference articles last night and am hoping to put some quality time in on that today at work and plan on bringing it home to work on this afternoon after a major house cleaning and smudging takes place.