I have the summer off from my grad program and am, in fact, really enjoying not studying. I had forgotten that one of the most exhausting things about studying is not the hours actually spent with the books, but the hours you're NOT studying but feeling guilty, all the time, that you should probably BE studying.

Amen! It's nice having some time off from studying.

part of what killed me about semester after semester is exactly the dread feeling of relentlessness to it. unless you have an animated self-directed goal it can be really frustrating that this random useless thing has to be written by wednesday and not thursday. this essay doesn't matter to the universe!!! lol

that said I feel these days I want to learn some things again specifically math and history ... I never got 'good' at math beyond the 10th grade level... and I'm thinking I can find value in being really good at it

I get study guilt/anxiety but the not studying in between is absolutely necessary. I believe my brain would just shut off without breaks, it gets creaky when I have to push into the evening hours, and then the stopping is such a relief.
I feel the need to find utter trash to read to balance it out, but alas, I am intolerant of most pulpy things. Chick lit, can't do it. I need to find a genre I can stand.

But Firas, maybe this essay could matter to the universe.

I didn't study when I was in college. I coasted to a low GPA, doing as little as possible in most classes, because I was there by expectation, not inclination. Of course, my degree has helped me, and my course of study definitely put me on a path to be where I am today (and yes, I too snicker at the implications of that final phrase).

What study skills I have I learned from my parents -- an intelligence analyst and a library cataloger -- and since graduating, I have discovered an appetite for knowledge and an urge to go study the things I want to learn about. I've spent much more time at study, my nose in a book or my hands on a project, than I ever did during my formal education.

I look forward to getting older and learning more and more stuff. I don't much care about being papered, though there are certainly areas of concentration in which I could excel, given an inclination and the wherewithal to pursue another degree. It's likely not in the cards.

I guess the truth is, the "studying" that I do is not tied to a schedule, so I can stop and start as I will, and I don't feel that sense of relief when I finish. I'm more likely to feel like picking something back up when my mind feels a little rusty and out of shape.

I should be studying now. The house is empty and quiet. Instead I need to go pick up a load of fire wood. The UPS guy just delivered the parts for my new computer, so I'll be putting that together too. Studying will wait for another (and another) day.

I don't know how to not study. I'm always studying something.

You are not studying when you post a comment. I see you not studying.

I get study guilt/anxiety but the not studying in between is absolutely necessary.

You are of course right and it will help me to remember that.

I don't know how to not study. I'm always studying something.

Well, here's the thing: I'm the same way, in that I'm always working on some learning project and always seeking to take in new information. Sometimes I even have long-range writing projects going on which require many hours of research, or I'm trying to master the basics of some topic or other and read a pile of books on it. But this kind of utterly self-directed studying is totally and completely different in feel from the kind of studying that is dictated by a class syllabus and aimed at a specific outcome at a specific time. That externalizes the motiviation and means you can't pick it up and put it down in a natural rhythm as you would with your own projects: you have to look at your deadlines and work backward to create the chunks of tasks that must be done by X time, and you have to make time in your schedule for these things, even if you would rather be doing something else at that moment. Heck, even if something else needs to be done at that moment. And the intensity with which you do these tasks also determines the quality of your outcome in terms of grade and group assignment, which may influence your course grade, which in turn may mean you qualify or don't qualify for some program or award or other, etc.

I find the scheduling of time to be stressful and, again, the relentlessness of that schedule in order to get everything done. I've become so strict that I'm pretty sure I could marshal my forces on a creative project quite skillfully in the making you get stuff done mode. It makes me want to take a semester off and just write. Maybe i just don't have to be in such a rush to take the GRE and give myself a break. Oy, with the math already.

You are not studying when you post a comment.

Oh, but I am. I'm studying your reply, even before you've made it (what I think your reply is going to be, what that says about you, even more what it says about me, and so on).

Miko, that whole process is going on in my head all the time. Everything I read is ultimately tied to how I will live or die, and I'm grading myself on everything all the time. Yay, depression/perfectionism!

I always tell my students to burn that midnight oil (my father's advice) when necessary, painful as it might be. I am always impressed by the students who can plan things out and study or work on projects or papers well in advance. All through college I never took a test I didn't cram for. I'd have marathon all-night study sessions, sleep for an hour or two, then throw on my sweats and sneakers and go take the test. It worked for me (I graduated with distinction), but I don't recommend it. It is painful. I seemed to need the pressure of the looming deadline to motivate myself. I also think I was a bit of an adrenaline junky. I am, however, a hopeful example to the bright slackers among my students. If I can do it, they can do it. (I don't think I'd be up to it now; it's nice to be on the other side of the desk, I must say. I rather enjoy inflicting the misery. ; )

My own projects, like researching and working on a novel or play, I never really considered "studying," per se; there always seemed to be something involuntary about studying, even for classes I really liked.

Oh god, I've been out of grad school for six years now and I still get the occasional nightmare about studying/assignments/tests/etc. I vowed when I finished that I'd never do that again; two degrees are enough for any one person and I'll never put myself through that horror again. I use what I learned in grad school every day at work but just thinking about those three years puts me close to a panic attack. Eeek.

I've been studying again but it's an interesting topic, and really avoiding the stuff I feel I should be studying, and still I'm taking a break. Such volume of material, it seems like it will take forever to get through.
A friend of mine skims the total of what needs to be done and gets fully freaked out about the wall of information.
Reading about psychedelics and therapy and brain chemistry is fascinating stuff that just soaks into my brain but you need to let it marinate a little.