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29 May 2011

"Getting it wrong" fashionwise Did you ever go to a social event, looking good, but realizing that you're overdressed or underdressed compared to almost everyone else, and then caring more about that than you thought you would?[More:] I guess this happens to everyone sometimes, but it seems to happen to me more than it should. I guess part of why it bothers me is that it reminds me of that clueless feeling many of us got in school when we just "weren't with the program" and wondered how on earth the cool kids always knew how to dress and act.

I just went to a small reunion, and it was like that again. I was somewhat overdressed...I assumed something that only happens every 10 years and costs $45 would be a little more dressy than it actually was. It's like I use a different mental logic from everyone else. Were other people thinking, "It's just another social event"?

Maybe I could have called people to get a feel for what to wear, but in my experience people tend to say "Oh, I'll just wear any old thing" and then they show up dressed to the nines.

I did enjoy the reunion, and everybody was very warm. I'm glad I went. It was cathartic in some ways, and may even lead to a renewed friendship or two. And I do enjoy dressing up, so that increases the odds of my winding up overdressed.

I guess this post is just about how sometimes I get tired of being the one who can never get it quite right. You fret about what to wear, trying on various clothes in your closet that you haven't worn in a year or two and deciding that they no longer quite work, maybe you go out and buy something new, and then for all your efforts, you still get it wrong.
I guess this post is just about how sometimes I get tired of being the one who can never get it quite right.

Maybe you're the just the only who always gets it right and everyone else is getting it wrong?
posted by apoch 29 May | 10:51
Or, equivalently, the only one who thinks outside the box.
posted by Obscure Reference 29 May | 11:42
I suspect a reunion is a tricky one: people want to look good, but I bet that most people are wary of looking like they're trying to look good, so they probably dress down a bit. You weren't afraid to be yourself, and I bet you looked smashing!

Did you ever go to a social event, looking good, but realizing that you're overdressed or underdressed compared to almost everyone else, and then caring more about that than you thought you would?

Yes! It happens all the time! I don't really mind being slightly overdressed. I do hate feeling underdressed, mostly because I worry that the hosts will interpret that as me not valuing their event, or some complicated social logic like that. Mostly I remember that no one is really paying that much attention to me and my wardrobe. It's pretty comforting.

But it still does feel awkward sometimes, especially with my in-laws --- probably because I want so much to show that I value them, but I don't really get them some of the time. The event that sticks in my mind is a family baby shower a year or so ago. I dressed nicely but comfortably, knowing that the two-hour ride to the event would almost certainly tweak my back trouble. I wore black trousers, a blue scoop-neck jersey top, a lilac jacket, chunky black sandals, and a scarf. I felt quite pretty and even a little dashing! Then we arrived.

The young women, including the pregnant guest of honor, wore poofy cocktail dresses, heels, and rhinestones. The older contingent wore those matchy-matchy women's suits with floaty chiffon panels. Everyone but everyone had Made An Effort with their hair. I looked like... well, I looked like exactly what I am: a dusty academic wearing whatever the hell she wants.

So that's a comfort: I look like exactly what I am.
posted by Elsa 29 May | 12:46
I more or less wear the same thing everywhere and if people don't like it, that's their problem.
posted by jonmc 29 May | 14:11
I pretty much have two modes: casual and funerals. So unless you're dead, I'm probably under-dressed.
posted by octothorpe 29 May | 14:19
I have very little variety in dress - either dressed for work (trousers, business shirt, tie), dressed for hanging out (shorts or jeans, t-shirt, sneakers), dressed for gardening etc (shorts, t-shirt, boots) or dressed for running/hiking (shorts, t-short or singlet, sneakers or boots). Where I struggle is for 'smart casual' because I not only don't have anything suitable, but the whole idea just seems foreign to me for some reason. In the end, though, I don't really give a rat's arse for whether people think I'm appropriately dressed - if I feel comfortable, I'm happy.
posted by dg 29 May | 17:56
I'm pretty much always overdressed, in which case I default to a lovable fop mood.

If underdressed, then a rakish devil may care hedonist.
posted by The Whelk 29 May | 18:46
But as to the question:

I was really annoyed at the male members of my family for being the the one person in a suit. At my grandmother's funeral.

FUNERALS ARE NOT CASUAL.
posted by The Whelk 29 May | 18:48
I pretty much have two modes: casual and funerals. So unless you're dead, I'm probably under-dressed.

That's pretty much me too. Except I have two levels of casual, one for home and one for everywhere else.
posted by deborah 30 May | 00:55
Monkey! OMG! || HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENS!!!!!

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