1. Headache.
2. Still going to try to run.
3. Just need to get out of my chair.

That's a really pretty tree - simple and natural.

Lovely tree! Our family tree is always a mishmash of battered old ornaments, some of them quite eaten away by age. It's an exercise in nostalgia, but to a fresh eye I imagine it looks pretty awful.

My three points:

1. I fiiiiiiinally made myself a coffee just a few minutes ago, and a bagel to go with it.

2. And then I dropped my freshly toasted bagel in the dirty sink. GRAR!

3. Taking a few quiet minutes to go over my Christmas list and wrap some presents. Just about done: I still have lots of cooking to do, and I'd love to find one fun silly toy for The Fella to go with the pile of books I'm giving him.

Oh yay! Finally saw a 3PS before 80 people had commented. What do I do, what do I do?

Ok, ok, so:

1. Going to Boston this weekend to close out the apartment I shared with my ex. Will be getting rid of my dad's motorcycle, which was an emotional decision, but it was time. The thing weighs over 800 lbs and hasn't run since my dad's cancer relapsed in 2003. I haven't had the time, money, and facilities to fix it up all at the same time in the past 6 years I've owned it. Time to let go.

Bye, Daddy.

2. Work is being a PitA. I need to re-apply for the full-time position after my contract expires, because they want someone more experienced (technically, they're replacing my boss AND me, so I can see it, but it still sucks). I need to spend my holidays working on my portfolio (focusing on API documentation), since they're starting interviews in January.

3. I am slowly, slowly (very slowly) accepting my human limitations and learning to be less hard on myself. My therapist instructed me to reduce my to-do list to two items a day, and it's been working ok. I still stress about all the things I haven't done, but at least I'm getting two things done a day instead of living in the handwringing indecision of analysis paralysis.

People keep telling me I'm too hard on myself, and they're right. Stupid me, holding myself up to ridiculous standards. What the hell is wrong with—oops, there I go again. I'm a (recidivist) perfectionist, and I am afraid not to overpromise. Which leads to overcommitting and underdelivering.

I want to be Zen and just learn to let things go, but I need to do so in a way that allows me to pay rent on an apartment in Manhattan. Which I'm locked in to for another 10 months (maybe that was me overcommitting again? Call it a leap of faith instead, faith in myself).

Sigh. All this change (and hopefully, self-improvement) is physically and emotionally exhausting. Especially when you've just walked away from the biggest piece of your support system, your S.O. of the past 9 years. I truly am starting over.

I hope my story has a happy ending.

Good luck Eide. You're not alone.

1. Set up the Christmas tree after the ex finally decided she didn't want it. Now I get to find out if she wants the decorations or not.

2. Haven't been feeling well, missed two days of work. Now I have three days of work to do today. Joy.

3. Checked out Humble Bundle 2. Pretty good stuff.

1. Way overcommitted this week. I should be working late every day but I have signed on to too many other projects to do that.

2. I hate Christmas so very much.

3. Inchoate Seasonal Dread. I don't know exactly how things are going to go awry but I can feel in my bones that bad things are going to happen.

1. Finals week: 2 finals in classes that I should have done much better in.
2. Overdue essay that my professor is tired giving me extensions for
3. Overdue paperwork that is costing other people money

I can't wait to graduate. One more semester if I don't fuck this week up too badly.

Hey, Eide? I don't mean to say that everything will be great when you find a new partner. But after leaving an awful marriage, I found first one, then another satisfying relationship BECAUSE I wasn't looking, and BECAUSE I was taking the time to focus on what I needed and how to patch up my cracks. And clearly that first new relationship didn't last (hello, fiance!), but that year -- tough as it was at times -- probably gave me the best, most needed inner and outer workout of my life. I am SO glad that I went through it.

So yeah, it sucks total ass when you're sitting there waving your own flag because your usual flag-waver isn't there. Just focus on one thing that makes you feel good at a time. Concentrate on giving yourself a healthy, comfortable living space -- one that doesn't say "this is just until I get back on my feet" but "this is what I need to feel good." Then, slowly, work on unfolding that zone of feeling good until it gets bigger and bigger.

I have no doubt that it can be lonely in a big city. I know (damn hell, do I know) that you can't take advantage of the cool people and things and events until you get off your own ass, and even that is tough sometimes (okay, a lot).

Just remember: there is life outside your apartment!

(Seriously; just go listen to Avenue Q on repeat.)

1. The ICD/pacemaker replacement surgery was without incident.
2. Laundry day.
3. Thinking about making some redskin/dill potato salad.

1. The ICD/pacemaker replacement surgery was without incident.
2. Laundry day.

That's the most stoic, blasé remark I have EVER SEEN. Hurray for without-incident incidents!

1. I'm thinking about buying the person a laser pointer for Christmas. She'll probably really enjoy playing with it. I can use her credit card because it's the thought that counts, right?

2. I really want to get moving on my ambition to be an international spy.

3. Dust mote!!!

1. Was so looking forward to some alone time during the holidays, but now my sister and nephew are coming to visit. It's not only NOT alone time, it's sort of anti-alone time: being obligated to play with the nephew and such. I like him just fine, but the whole thing (family, etc.) just brings out emotions that require...more alone time. *sigh*

2. Just read Mackenzie Phillips's autobiography for no particular reason. Not bad, though I knew all the information in it already.

3. Feeling resentful towards family members who are smart, but don't like making money. I like making money, but I'm not smart (or, just not smart in the way that makes money like they are). I'd be a millionaire if I had their skill sets.

Wouldn't be so bad, actually, if these people weren't always whining/putting on guilt trips about how they never had any money.

3a. Feeling pissy this holiday season, in case you hadn't noticed.

without-incident incidents!

Apparently I was not supposed to fall asleep, but I did.

1. You people are funny - Best Incohate Seasonal GRAR without incident EVER SEEN.

2. MechaLeaks: Trilby is a spy. Mackenzie Phillips is an operative.

3. Two Deaths, Two Cancer Diagnosies, and a Ruptured Appendix in my circles this month. Two immediate family members and one close friend.

Enough. Basta. Safe Word. Uncle.

1. Going to a memorial this afternoon for one of my kid's past teachers who just died of liver cancer. Fuck cancer. Really. I'm talking to YOU cancer. Fuck you.

2. Very irritable today.

3. Was just surfing archive.org, which looks like it has an Mp3 of every Dead song from every Dead show ever. Be very afraid, Metachat. . .

yeah my partner has cancer too. it can fuck itself.

1. Past week was one of the roughest of my life. Many long family stories, none real good. Snow, sleet, ice and temperatures barely rising into the double digits for days have not helped.
2. Need to call therapist back, attempt to glue self back together.
3. But went ahead and got a Christmas tree anyway just an hour ago and it is set up yay but needs more lights before I start hanging ornaments. I sense a trip back out the door to the drugstore for more lights, yargh.

1. I can't feel some of my toes. And I am sitting in my living room with the thermostat set to 70. This place is drafty.

2. Going to get a haircut in a moment. Man, I need it. I am not so good at cutting my own bangs.

3. This time of year brings out the maudlin in me. I am trying hard to keep it in check.

*whuffles for all the buns*

1. My tree. (Yes, it's one of those gaudy as fuck white fiber optic ones AND I LOVE IT.) I'm not at all ready for Yule. In theory, I can use my fireplace for realz, but I'm a bit afraid to. (It's been checked out and the damper works and everything, but I've only just recently gotten used to getting things out of the oven. Hot things frighten me.)

2. I have had goodness. I wrote a super long paper for my Collection Development class and the prof says he wants to work with me to make it into something publishable before next term. :D And I told my father and he wasn't a complete jackass about it! :D :D

3. Still coming up zero on resolutions and a motto for 2011. Time is running out brain, better come up with an epiphany soon.

1. Annoyed today with people who think they're cleverer than they really are. Attention: It's really not as cute or clever as you think it is. Seriously, it's not. And if you think this might apply to you, you may be right.

2. Annoyed today with people who think they're importanter than they really are. Attention: You are not the most important thing in the universe today. Seriously, you're not.

3. Other than that, everything is fine. Leaving for Las Vegas, then Texas, on Saturday, and am feeling strangely well-prepared for it.

1) Forgot how much the government takes out in taxes from my holiday bonus. Holidays are now 40% less jolly. I guess I should just be grateful to get a bonus at all in this economy.

2) The bf made me a big pot of beef and barley soup before he left for Missouri. I'm wondering if I can make it last until next week when I fly out to join him.

3) Otherwise, work work work work work work.

1. Kid got accepted to a university and will start in the Spring! It's probably not coincidental that his girlfriend goes there too but if that's what it takes to give the boy a little ambition, I'm all for it.

2. Taking the last week of the year off, it's actually mandatory but that's fine because I wanted it off anyway. Plus if the whole company's off, then my inbox won't fill up while I'm away.

3. Making sausage and lentil stew for a late dinner.

Congrats, octothorpe. One of my kids has one semester left. The other one has the same ambition yours has.

I think mudpuppie works in my office, because That Guy is reallllly not as clever as he thinks he is.

I have the MeCha Christmas Funk (tm).

1. Got a facial last night and my skin feels so nice right now. I keep touching it, which is bad. But so, so good.

2. My week-long bad mood has lifted. Hallelujah.

3. Busy, busy weekend. Race in honor of a friend Saturday morning, my baby brother's Eagle Award ceremony in the afternoon, my older brother's Christmas party that evening, and then brunch and football on Sunday. And I have to make food for...four out of those five things. But only one week left of work!

Oh yay, I'm not days late.

1. Bummed because the one person who has been here just six months less than me was resigned yesterday.

2. Panic attacking because the car decided it needed a bunch of attention this month, so Xmas is light as hell.

3. Totally forgot hubby's birthday today, and CAN'T find a sitter for post 10 on Friday which is when he's graduating and having his b-day party. I am fail city.