I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO GET ANYONE FOR CHRISTMAS BUT I HAVE CHRISTMAS CARDS GODDAMMIT. THEY ARE ADEQUATE TO THE TASK.

MY GOD I LOVE NOT STUDYING SO MUCH I'M GOING TO WALLOW IN IT RIGHT NOW.

*staggers down the stairs, rubbing eyes*
Can't you keep it down?
You woke me up with all the yelling.
Now what am I going to do at 1:15 am?

CHRISTMAS? DON'T SAY CHRISTMAS TO ME! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT! AND I HAVE ANOTHER DAY OF CLE TO SIT THROUGH TOMORROW! AND I AM FUCKING CATNIP FOR CRAZIES OR SOMETHING! AND THAT UPSETS ME!

THE ONE DIRECTOR I LIKED AT WORK IS LEAVING, AND NOW ALL WE HAVE ARE BITCHY MIDDLE-AGED LADIES WHO ARE ONLY IN CHARGE BECAUSE THEY OUTLASTED EVERYONE ELSE. HE THOUGHT EVERYTHING I DID WAS AWESOME, AND NOW NO ONE IS GOING TO GO AROUND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME I AM ANYMORE.

I SUBMITTED A MAJOR PROPOSAL AT WORK AND THE CUSTOMER IS COMING BACK WITH QUESTIONS LIKE, "IS THERE REALLY A CORRELATION BETWEEN THE NUMBER OF INTERFACES AND THE COMPLEXITY?" (DUH!) AND "WHY DOES THIS TASK TAKE A FULL MAN LEVEL OVER SIX MONTHS WHEN THE SIMILAR TASK IN THE LAST CONTRACT WAS ONLY A HALF MAN LEVEL OVER 12 MONTHS?" (DUH! DUH!)

AS SOON AS I GOT HOME IT WAS MARTINI TIME.

I'M REALLY SORRY TO SAY THIS, JEOC, BUT MY DIRECTOR AT WORK IS A MIDDLE-AGED LADY WHO IS FABULOUS TO WORK FOR. SORRY!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I CAN: 1. RESERVE AN ENTIRE RESTAURANT A MONTH PRIOR TO A PARTY 2. CONFIRM THAT RESERVATION TWO WEEKS AGO BUT 3. CALL TODAY TO FIND THAT YOU HAVE DOUBLE-BOOKED AND I'M GETTING BUMPED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK.

IT HAS TAKEN ME FIFTEEN YEARS TO RECOVER FROM THE SADNESS OF MY LAST BIRTHDAY PARTY. ALL I WANTED WERE SOME PEOPLE I LOVE IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME. AND THEN YOU HAD TO PULL THIS SHIT, FOUR DAYS BEFORE THE PARTY. I HOPE THAT ALL YOUR FOOD TASTES TOO SALTY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I WANT TO PUNCH THINGS. MANY THINGS. ALL THE THINGS.

I AM A MIDDLE AGED LADY AND IT'S PISSING ME OFF!!

Oh, MAN, punchtothehead, do I feel you on that. My birthday first came up after I'd only been dating my partner for a month, and he expressed shock at why I didn't have parties. I couldn't really explain all of the feelings that went into it. Now I leave all of the arrangements to him, and it's been great for the last two years, but this year I got awfully antsy and my control-freak tendencies nearly got the better of me.

It's just so hard to manage expectations, even good ones, when you're conditioned to steel yourself for something lonely... again.

I wish I could give you a big, big hug.

Actually, you know what? MeMail me the name of that restaurant manager and I'll give that person a little piece of my mind. This aggression will not stand, man!

Oh, punchtothehead, that makes me so cross I can hardly see straight, so I can hardly imagine how you feel. Have you had enough time to cool down and start thinking of a solution yet?

punchtothehead, WHAAAAAT!!! I'm outraged! Want to know the restaurant so I can tell them I WILL NEVER EVER EAT THERE BECAUSE THEY ARE IDIOTS.

Do they have a major rival to whom you can take your celebration? And then tell them how much BETTER it was there?

WALMART CAN'T EVEN GET SHIP-TO-STORE RIGHT. THEY NEVER HAVE THE THING YOU WANT IN THE STORE, THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH PEOPLE WORKING THE REGISTERS, THERE'S NEVER ANYBODY AROUND TO ASK, SO YOU TRY SHIP-TO-STORE SO YOU CAN JUST GO IN AND PICK UP A PREPAID BOX OF THE ALL STUFF YOU NEED AND EVEN THAT IS WONKED. THERE'S NOBODY AT THE COUNTER, HITTING THE "CALL ASSOCIATE" BUTTON DOESN'T WORK, CALLING THE STORE AND GETTING SOMEBODY PAGED DOESN'T WORK. WHEN SOMEONE DOES FINALLY SHOW UP BECAUSE YOU START GRABBING ANY EMPLOYEE WALKING BY AND ASKING IF ANYONE ACTUALLY WORKS HERE AND SOMEONE DIGS UP THE RIGHT EMPLOYEE, THE ORDER IS WRONG. IT TAKES ANOTHER HALF HOUR AND THREE MORE EMPLOYEES TO FIGURE OUT THAT NO ONE AT THE STORE IS ABLE TO FIX THE WRONG ORDER, SO THEY HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK WHEN THE SINGLE RIGHT EMPLOYEE COMES IN. AND THEN THEY CAN'T JUST SEND BACK THE WRONG THING AND GET THE RIGHT ONE, NO, THEY HAVE TO CANCEL IT AND YOU HAVE TO ORDER A NEW ONE ON THEIR WEBSITE AFTER THE WRONG ONE IS RETURNED. AND THIS IS A PRETTY BIG DEAL BECAUSE I CAN'T DRIVE AND HAVE TO GET A RIDE EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I LEAVE THE HOUSE SO I HAD TO ARRANGE A RIDE OVER THERE JUST TO FIND OUT THAT THE ORDER WAS WRONG.

...

Aw, man, punch, what the hell? What the hell? How? Bastards!

DOOHICKIE IT IS ALWAYS MARTINI TIME!!

GREAT SHINY LEAPFROG JESUS ON A MOTORBIKE I HATE TARGET WITH THE RAGING UNDYING PASSION OF A MILLION RABID BADGERS! MY EXPERIENCE WITH THEIR ONLINE STORE NEATLY PARALLELS GALADRIEL'S WALMART WOE, ONLY WITH SOMEWHAT MORE INCOMPETENCE AND ENNUI. HOW THE RIDDLING ORNERY FUCK HAVE WE AS A SOCIETY BECOME SO LAUGHABLY HORRENDOUS AT CUSTOMER SERVICE? WE'RE A FLIPPING SERVICE INDUSTRY FERCRISSAKE.

DROOLING BUDDHA ON A LEASH, PUNCHY, THAT SUCKS WOMBAT ASS. PLEASE LEMME HELP YOU PUNCH THINGS. I'LL GLADLY GO PUNCH THOSE USELESS PRATS AT THE RESTAURANT FOR YOU EVEN! HULK SMASH. SMASH ALL THINGS. GRAR.

You all are so great - thanks for the sympathy and rage. I ended up grarring for a few hours before getting together with my sister-in-law and figuring out a restaurant that's not only closer, cheaper, and more vegetarian-friendly, but also all-around tastier. Excitement up, trepidation down.

You're all invited, by the way. Cake at my place afterward!

YAAAAAAAAY! I'm so glad it all worked out, punchtothehead! YAAAAAAAY!

Oh, so glad your thing is gonna work out, punch.

YAAAAAY FOR PUNCHTOTHEHEAD. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY SAVE PUNCHES TO THE HEAD FOR PEOPLE WHO TOTALLY DESERVE IT.

LIKE MY GODDAMNED ASS. DEAN, WHO HIRED A GODDAMNED FORMER SALES MANAGER TO BE THE BOSS OF A TECHNICAL UNIT, WHISKEY FUCKING TANGO FOXTROT. I MET THE GUY TODAY. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

FOR MY OWN SELF RESPECT I'VE GOT TO QUIT THIS DEAD END JOB BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO KEEP GOING BACK FOR MORE ABUSE. I DON'T CARE HOW NICE YOU ARE ABOUT IT, MR. AD. YOU DON'T WANT TO EVEN INTERVIEW YOUR INTERNAL CANDIDATES, THEN YOU CAN GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO DO TOO MUCH WORK AND FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU'VE ASKED FOR.