I WAS TRYING TO WATCH THE MACY'S PARADE BUT THE GODDAMN TV NETWORKS ARE RUINING IT WITH ENDLESS GODDAMN INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE I COULDN'T GIVE A GODDAMN ABOUT AND NOT ACTUALLY SHOWING! THE PARADE. I HAVE GIVEN UP AND AM NOW WATCHING MAN V. FOOD INSTEAD.

UP MANCHESTER CITY

I GOT HOME 10 MINUTES AGO AFTER LEAVING THE OFFICE NEARLY 3 HOURS AGO BECAUSE OF 'A PERSON UNDER A TRAIN' WHICH BORKED MY TUBE LINE. SO I HAD TO GET TWO BUSES, NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO QUEUE AT THE BUS STOP ANY MORE AND I GOT SHOVED OUT OF THE WAY BY YOUNG MEN WHO TOOK ALL THE SEATS ON THE FIRST BUS AND THEN I HAD TO WAIT 45 MINUTES FOR THE SECOND BUS EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE MEANT TO BE EVERY 15 MINUTES AND THEN WE GOT STUCK IN A JAM BECAUSE OF AN ACCIDENT NEAR THE WATERWORKS ROUNDABOUT...

GRRRRR...

... AND BECAUSE OF THIS I AM TOO LATE TO GO TO THE THEATRE FOR THE CLOSING NIGHT OF 'BRIGHT LIGHTS BIG CITY' WHICH I HAD BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO.

AND WHEN I GOT HOME I COULDN'T FIND LUCY, AND IT TURNS OUT SHE WAS SHUT IN THE BATHROOM ALL DAY - WTF? MY BATHROOM IS TINY, HOW COULD I NOT SEE HER IN THERE?

OH, AND ON THE DLR PART OF MY JOURNEY HOME, THERE WAS A WOMAN SITTING OPPOSITE ME WHO HAD THREE HUGE BAGS FULL OF WHAT LOOKED LIKE CRAP TO ME AND IN THE 20 MINUTES IT TOOK TO GET TO STRATFORD SHE MADE A SORT OF DREAM CATCHER/SNOWFLAKE/STAR THING OUT OF A PAPER PLATE, STRING, A PLASTIC CUP, A PLASTIC COATHANGER AND DUCT TAPE. IT WAS THE UGLIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. AND SHE REFUSED TO MOVE HER BAGS SO OTHER PEOPLE COULD SIT DOWN.

AND THE PIECE OF CHICKEN I'D DEFROSTED FOR MY DINNER DOESN'T SMELL RIGHT AND I'M TOO TIRED AND IT'S TOO COLD TO GO OUT TO BUY FOOD SO I'M HAVING TO SEARCH THE KITCHEN FOR SOMETHING TO EAT. I HAVE FOUND A SACHET OF VACUUM-SEALED SAAG ALOO, AND I HAVE A TINY BIT OF RICE AND WILL MAKE SOME ROTI TO GO WITH IT.

AND NOW I HAVE AN EARWORM OF "AGADOO" BUT WITH THE WORDS "SAAG ALOO" INSTEAD.

Okay, I've finished. I needed a good shout.