sorry for your loss... glad you have ways to deal well.

1. man I'm overworked as hell mainly cause I work terribly inefficiently
2. I'm officially in love with Kanye West (in a platonic way, of course) and I know y'all love my new facebook profile pic quoting one of his new punchlines: image
3. I can't believe how many entities want huge-ass sums of money from me. *burns all bills in a bonfire*

Wow, Senyar, I am so sorry. An unhappy anniversary to be sure. It doesn't seem like it's been five years. (((((Senyar)))))

1. We are going to a nearby small town to see a house that some friends are building (and have been doing so for three-odd years - Brazilian construction can be sloooooooow).

2. After that, we are going to eat at one of my favorite restaurants. I swear they put something magical in their food to make it taste extraordinary. Also, they love my niece at this restaurant and treat her like the princess that she is.

3. Tonight will probably be filled with much yelling at the television watching Brazilian champion's league soccer. Last night, my team won, to secure a berth in the finals. Tonight, my friend's team plays to see if his team will play mine. The rivalry is friendly, but the insults we trade are not. There will be wine, screaming, and most importantly, fireworks.

1. I went to the doctor for an illness that won't go away, thinking it's a sinus infection, and the doctor said it was a cold. I have my doubts, but I'm taking the medicine they prescribed anyway.

2. The pharmacist apologized for not having any generic meds. The total for my prescription was about $5.

3. The boy and I have been talking about our goals for the next few years. Ultimately, it's permanent residency in Canada. It looks increasingly likely we'll stay here in Japan, where it seems our Visa applications will be cleared quicker than in the States, and where we'll have things like health insurance. I have mixed feelings. I miss my friends a lot, and teaching English is a solid gig, but I'm not all that interested in doing it past March. And my limited Japanese skills puts me at a major disadvantage when looking for any other work here.

The advantages are that we live in a super safe country, and the aforementioned health care, and that we already have work. Hopefully, by 2012 we'll be living in Canada. But who knows.

1) We're bulling through the weekend, with occasional bawling. Have been going out and cuddling with the ponies who are there, though it's a shock every time we do a nose count and come up one short.

Yesterday I went for a little ride on my Katherine, and hubby heard me getting my helmet off the porch so came out to make sure I was okay while I was riding. He was saddened that I could ride Kat but he'll never ride Duchess again (which is why I planned to ride without telling him), so I went and got Duchess's adopted daughter and had him ride a few minutes too. Both rides were a little healing.

2) I seem to have lost all sense of grammar and sentence structure.

3) Family is sweet. Mom-in-law brought us Good Sammich Fixin's and sis-in-law brought us a fruit bouquet. Sis-in-law also wants us to come to dinner at their place tonight. Bro-in-law offered to take us to lunch yesterday, but we asked for a rain check as we weren't feeling social yet.

1. I'm hoping my sister will take me up on an invitation for a cuppa and an afternoon visit. She's having a tough time and I know she could use a hug and a sympathetic ear.

2. Writing is going well, and the phobia-triggering research I did for it did, in fact, trigger my phobias. I thought I was doing okay, but at night when I lie down in the dark, I'm overcome by THE HORROR. Recent events, in my own life and others, have helped put that into perspective, though.

3. Speaking of which: I'm sending whuffles and good thoughts to a lot of you.

1. Weekend went by too fast :(
2. Dog is on the bed, howling like she's been abandoned. Doggie! I'm right here!
3. I've started a chore chart in an attempt to get myself on schedule doing certain tasks regularly, instead of just waiting until the dirt is piled up to the ceiling. Here's hoping!

1. Going to go to work in a bit.

2. But first, going to make some pumpkin pancakes!

3. Getting frustrated with Smooshie peeing on the bathroom rug. I can't get him to just freaking use the damn litter box all the time.

TPS, our cocker does that sometimes. Silly little guy. He also howls like he's heartbroken when we go out to feed the horses (he can't come, because he doesn't understand that ponies play differently from puppies). When we get a look at him, we can see that he's snuggled into a comfy nest, all relaxed, lying there hooooowling. This makes us take his histrionics somewhat less than seriously.

1) Today is the annual cider harvest. We have about 25-30 gallons to press.

2) The bills started arriving for my last (as in final) round of biopsies - and I've got a clean bill of health for the first time in a couple of years. Nothing found ever, but two-year round of chasing expensive and inconclusive tests.

3) We are in the peak of the busy season at work (we do most of the years business from September through January) and I'm not getting worn out like I have in the past.

1) Today has been productive: laundry, kitchen cleaning, apple store.

2) Overdosed on Nutella yesterday.

3) Waiting for chicken to be done so I don't repeat #2.

1.) (((((((((Senyar)))))))))

2.) Sister visited me this weekend to offer some company and emotional support. We hung out last night, went to a decent place for dinner. Talked about some family stuff. It was nice to be able to have a grownup conversation with her, which I don't often get to do because every time we see each other, we're around her family or around my Mom.

3.) I felt bad for being depressed and not the most entertaining of hosts. My sister said she didn't mind, that she was actually grateful for the quiet and the chance to read and sleep.

1. Feeling like absolute complete dog shit and like I'm creeping towards the edge of something dangerous. I do not approve and I have no appointments until Thursday. :-/

2. Everything is stressing me out and I feel completely overwhelmed and none of the drugs or anything is helping, which is leading to a worsening of #1.

3. I suspect some of #2 and #1 is related to the fact that I have to go to a family dinner tonight for my mother's birthday. I suspect I'll get bitched at for not dressing appropriately and for just generally not existing in the way that I'm supposed to. It's going to be absolute hell and I wish I could get out of it somehow but I'm the one who made the reservation (like a fucking idiot because no one else in my family would get off the dime and I knew that if nothing was planned my mother would go off on one of her wailing rants about how horrid we all are). Maybe I'll get a chance to talk to my brother but he was an asshole this morning when I texted him to remind him about said dinner tonight because he has a tendency to not show up and then I have to put up with both parents railing about how horrid he is.

Sister visited me this weekend to offer some company and emotional support.

I wish I had a sibling. A good one, like that. And I feel guilty that if I have a kid, it will likely be an only child too.

I'm hoping my sister will take me up on an invitation for a cuppa and an afternoon visit. She's having a tough time and I know she could use a hug and a sympathetic ear.

Or a good one like Elsa!

1. Hello again, cramps! Whoooeee! Nice of you to stay through the whole weekend.

2. Dreamed that BoringPostcard's white leopard kept trying to attack me. Got to keep that thing locked up, BP.

3. The leaves, they are not going to rake themselves, nor is the son nor the daughter going to rake them, nor the elves. That would leave me and I hate raking leaves. Hate it. Right up there with laundry as most hated household chore. Naturally, also doing laundry today.

And I feel guilty that if I have a kid, it will likely be an only child too.

If you have a kid, it can hang out with my only child. no biggie.

(I'm an only child too. While i wouldn't have minded a good sibling, I've witnessed enough toxic sibling relationships to value the fact that I also didn't *mind* being an only child.)

1. Thinking of you, Senyar.

2. Getting a cold. Awesome! Except, not so much.

3. Wednesday and Thursday off work (server down for maintenance, so there's nothing I can do.) The list of chores I am giving myself for that time is getting longer and longer. Top of the list is to do as much Xmas shopping as I can. I am married into a very gift-oriented family, which I don't mind, but it does mean that I like to get it all out of the way before December.

1. Only children are better off in a lot of ways, says the research.

2. Keep on keeping on, Senyar.

3. I am procrastinating, but only a little bit. Went out with that OKC guy again for dinner and pool, and still it seems a bit harder than it should be. He picks nice places to go, though, so I know of interesting new bars, but the extra driving to Fort Wayne is a drag. But there's no where else to go really, so it's kind of expected. Everyone else who wants to meet is some distance away and I'm a bit too busy to be zipping off to places in Michigan, and don't really want someone to bother coming to see me as there is nothing to do here and my place has no crashability.
And that's enough procrastinating. Back to studying.

I've witnessed enough toxic sibling relationships to value the fact that I also didn't *mind* being an only child.

Yup. I will admit that, as much as I love my siblings, I only have a solid, established, trusting relationship with one of them, and that is the result of recent years of work, friendship, and shared troubles, all as adults. For us, sisterhood is something we came to late, not a natural off-shoot of growing up together. Indeed, we didn't grow up together: she was out of the house by the time I was 8.

I still miss him so much and wonder every day how different my life would have been had he not died.

It's been a dozen years for me, and I still think of this often --- and always will, I suppose. But today I'm thinking of you, Senyar, and hoping you're doing well.

1. Grew up a middle child. Have little patience when daughter wails about being an only child.

2. Wax plug in my good ear. I have been trying to get it out, with this bulb thingy, but no avail. Will have to try to get into the audiologist this week. I can still hear some (with the hearing aids) but not as much.

3. Thinking of you as well, Senyar. I hope that the rest of your weekend is nice.

I'm doing ok, thanks all. The movie "Another Year" was difficult to watch - for several reasons. One was that the friend I went with is too vain to wear her glasses so we had to sit so near the screen that I ended up with a headache.

Mike Leigh films are never easy viewing, and this was no exception. Part of the story was filmed in my old home town, in a street exactly like the one where I grew up. It gave me the chills to see it again.

Grew up a middle child. Have little patience when daughter wails about being an only child.

Here's the thing though, at least for me: when my parents die, that's it. No more family.

1. Brunch followed by Korean supermarket trip. (Got a great deal on the biggest Fuji apples ever.)

2. Even though I (mostly) finished a huge project Friday night, work is still stressing me out and I'm being forced to be on the holiday planning committee. I hate mixing my social and work lives and I hate work parties, which I suppose makes me some sort of freakish, sociopathic, non-team player.

3. I haven't exercised all day, and eaten way too much. Someone come over and poke me with a stick until I get on the treadmill...

1. The boy and I are feeling virus-y. Crap.

2. Taking my dad to the hospital tomorrow for carpal tunnel surgery. Which is minor, but you know... it's crappy.

3. Still no jobs, but we are hopeful.

4. Sending hugs and stuff for those folks that need it.

((galadriel & Seynar & everyone who needs it))

1. I made myself stay away from the shelter Friday, because she's sure to be adopted if she is found, and because it breaks my heart to go there. I was making it worse.

2. I'm just about to the point where I can go in the kitchen without bursting into tears. I can only stay about 30 minutes at a time though. This has had a negative effect on the laundry getting done.

3. The kids have been blessedly quiet since "discovering" a cache of books I'd put up meaning to eventually tape up or fix. Since they're in better shape than some of the books in the bookshelf, I'm letting them have their fun.

(((((Senyar)))))

((((sperose)))) Fighting with family suuuuucks. I'm sorry you're dealing with this today. Re: #1 and 2. If no appointment is available, don't just suffer until you can't bear it any more. Go to ER...get help. I'll put my contact info on my profile, in case you need somebody to talk to.

(sperose, how was the dinner?)