MetaChat - I think i'm ready to date

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22 September 2010

I think i'm ready to date where should i look online?→[More:] The last time i tried dating sites i was just checking around to see what they were like and i was turned off by the aggressiveness of it. I was doing a survey of sorts. Now i have no idea where to start. Recommendations? I'm not gun ho out there door, i'm just wanting to check it out some. Most of the interesting matches i know happened online.
Unless a few chatters are up for a road trip, i'd like to check out the water.

post by: ethylene at: 10:48 | 32 comments

This means i have to take more pictures, doesn't it.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 10:49

It does help to have some recent photos - is that what you mean?

I've liked OK Cupid and have gone on a lot of dates through the site, though nothing has stuck. It seems to attract people a little outside the mainstream (which is a plus for me).

I've learned though that having a lot in common on paper (or I guess, on screen) does not mean anything about real-life chemistry. lately I've been interested in checking out speed dating, because the reality for me is I usually know pretty quickly if I feel sparkly about someone.

posted by serazin 22 September | 11:04

My skin is so freaking out right now, so i guess i have to be creative with photos. I'll just hold my hand over my cheek or over expose. I suppose i need make up. And clothes, clothes would help.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 11:17

i guess these pictures aren't going for artistic intents or slobby realism, or would that be refreshing?

posted by ethylene 22 September | 11:26

I can't get a decent shot. I'm going to need help with body shots.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 11:40

A couple things about dating sites: I think different ones attract different age ranges, sexual orientations, religious preferences, and relationship goals. Some seem more appropriate for casual dating, some are more "looking for the one." Could you give us a little info about what you're looking for?

posted by thankyouforyourconsideration 22 September | 11:51

I'm open to anything but i'm just dabbling for right now. Im not expecting the perfect mate but if it happens, lovely. I'm just testing the waters as it were and i don't know how to answer these questionnaires yet. I don't think i've thought about how i'm suppose to market myself.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 11:55

You photograph very well even with a webcam and you are quite attractive. You do not have to fret much about your picture.

posted by Ardiril 22 September | 12:06

I lack sleep, which is usually when i make leaps into new ventures. I haven't put any info up yet and i got a message already. There's not even a picture yet.
Thanks Ardiril but i think that picture probably looks too accidental.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 12:13

I've been feeling rather ugly so that was nice of you.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 12:18

I don't know a thing about dating sites, but you're lovely and you should hear it often.

posted by Elsa 22 September | 12:20

Well, I've tried several sites. Some of it depends on where you live. I live in a low population area, plus which I'm 46, so . . . . I liked match.com the best, in terms of men my age being on there and not all of them looking like axe murderers and some of them actually knowing how to spell and not write in all caps. Singlesnet.com has a lot of guys, but a very aggressive environment; as soon as you sign up, I mean, the minute you sign up, you start getting IMs. Lots of them. Crazy. I ran away screaming. Okcupid is an okay site, except for all those damn questions you have to answer, which I find dumb and intrusive. Okcupid is also skewed for a younger crowd. Still, I did get a couple of dates out of it. Perfectmatch.com is a crock, don't even go there. I never signed up for plentyoffish, but the profiles seemed very bare -- I like an environment where lots of words are encouraged. eHarmony wanted me to answer too many nosy questions so I never even tried it.

posted by JanetLand 22 September | 12:21

I tested eharmony a long time ago and i found it really aggressive with all the match ups, plus people were very marriage minded and to the point. I wasn't really looking so i backed the hell away from it.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 12:25

Also, the thing with online dating is that you have to both persevere, and take breaks now and then. It's a very discouraging process, because you are immediately confronted with SO MANY MANY MANY completely unsuitable people. And then when you finally run across one or two possibles, maybe something happens and it doesn't work out. I find I need to turn off the profile about every three months or so and stop thinking about it for a bit.

posted by JanetLand 22 September | 12:27

Maybe i'm looking for an online place to socialize some if there's an in between from hardcore goal minded daters to just people randomly socializing.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 12:31

Just stopped in to say you are very pretty, ethylene, and shouldn't worry about your attractiveness. Also, I think there was a recent post in MeFi land about what positioning in photos draws the most responses, and you may want to glance at that. You'll look good from any direction.

I'd also suggest you be very selective about who you meet up with -- make sure it is someone who really, really appeals to you and who is easy to communicate with electronically.

posted by bearwife 22 September | 12:33

Hey eth...no tips for you, sorry...just wanted to say i miss you kissy kissy!!!

posted by ramix 22 September | 12:35

Aww, kiss kiss.
I can't find the mefi link. I miss when we had members mefi links on the page. And did I miss the EMCEE corpse? It's been ages.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 12:37

I'd think okcupid would be a great place. Same with match.com, but it's a little more spendy.

posted by thankyouforyourconsideration 22 September | 12:43

Wow ethylene you are so pretty. I have no experience with dating sites but I predict that once you post a picture and a profile, you'll be swamped with responses. Hope you meet some nice people who treat you really well.

posted by Kangaroo 22 September | 12:45

Well this is doing wonders for my badly blemished flabby ego.
Now a mechatter is suppose to come sweep me off my feet and start a cross continental love affair, isn't that the pattern?

posted by ethylene 22 September | 12:49

I signed up with ok cupid but i'm stumped right now on the essay questions. It will take time.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 12:50

It sounds like you people are saying i should use that picture.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 12:52

I'm old and married and boring so I just came in here to tell you that your picture is gorgeous. Also to squee over your kitty. I forgot how cute he is.

posted by desjardins 22 September | 13:07

Crap, i used that picture and now i can't undo it. That is not a good picture.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 13:07

Well, since we all concluded you are gorgeous from that picture, you're fine.

posted by bearwife 22 September | 13:24

i cropped it funny and it looks like i don't care. Maybe that's okay for now.

posted by ethylene 22 September | 13:30

I tried several, and I'm with JanetLand...Singlesnet was aggressive, with too many people way, way outside my preferance lists IMing me. I did meet one nice guy who I dated for a couple of months and remain friends with. OKCupid, well, within the first 15 minutes I had some weird dude going on about foot fetishes. Too many annoying people on there, though I did email back and forth with a very nice guy who lived too far away to date for several months. Plenty of Fish; my best friend met a great guy through there, and I met some interesting guys, but they never led anywhere.

I met BlueEyes on Zoosk, that dating app on Facebook. I looked through profiles the first night I signed up; found his, favorited him (I never even contacted him). A week later, he checked to see who favorited him, sent me an email, and so it began almost 10 months ago. One person has to be a paying partner, though.

posted by redvixen 22 September | 18:21

It tells me I have nine matches already and I haven't put anything up yet. I think I need to broaden my area of matchability. It seems these people are just trawling for anyone. I'm not up to paying yet so I guess I'll just ckeck out ok Cupid for now. It's a start. I guess I'll keep people apprised if it's of interest. It's suppose to be kind of fun, no? So I'm up to sharing and getting opinions. I haven't figured how to show my profile yet but there is almost nothing there, so more later.

posted by ethylene 23 September | 09:21

Ok, so far it looks like my lack of love for nascar and country music is going to keep me from any love connection. And the way people present themselves, not to mention spelling-- i'm supposing it's different in different parts of the country because what i've flipped through is pretty unspeakable.

posted by ethylene 23 September | 20:00

I still suggest MeFi meetups. Go without a plan to meet a partner and the worst thing that happens is you make more local friends, which turn means meeting those friends' friends, etc, etc, etc.

posted by terrapin 24 September | 13:57

But i read mefi rarely and meet ups are thin on the ground.
So far it seems very lowest common denominator and rather a depression proposition. And there's a lot of email involved.

posted by ethylene 24 September | 18:39

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