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16 September 2010

The Three Funniest Things I have Read Online This Year: [More:]1. They put me on the Volleyball team for this corporate event thing and I'm stressed by this. Just because I have an ass like Misty May Treanor doesn't mean I can serve. - rainbaby on Metachat

2. Why am I watching Paul Blart: Mall Cop? Because I married down, that's why. - jrossi4r on twitter.

3. But who am I to judge... after all I once really loved him. Why? If I remember to ask, it will be one of those pressing questions I have for Saint Peter at the pearly gates. That and how on earth did I get e-coli? The two seem to go together, no? - my friend Karen.

What are 3 of your memorable quips, bon mots, or one-liners?
Well, here's a memorable one from my friend's Facebook status the other day.

Heather's status: Em [10-year-old daughter] just walked through the den and said she was going to go join an angry mob. I'm a pretty lax parent, but I draw the line at pitchforks and torches.

Tanya: Oh, just let her. Don`t be such a pitchfork in the mud.

Heather: Now, now, Tanya, you know how it goes. "When they came for the Frankenstein's monsters, I said nothing, because I was not a Frankenstein's monster."
posted by Madamina 16 September | 09:56
danf I almost emailed you yesterday! Is there a volleyball hacks page for beginners?

≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by rainbaby 16 September | 10:19
I said something to my boyfriend this morning that he cracked up at for about 2 min. Alas, I can't remember what I said. :(
posted by TrishaLynn 16 September | 10:42
I forget stuff too, but this particular article linked in a metafilter post about Voytek the Soldier Bear had me in tears. (Foul Language Alert)
posted by rainbaby 16 September | 10:46
Wow, that Voytek story is the most awesome thing I've read in ages. Thanks!
posted by joedan 16 September | 10:56
I still get joy in my belly reading this comment.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 16 September | 10:56
This comment made me LOL and still makes me giggle.
posted by Senyar 16 September | 11:06
That Voytek thing is too cool! I facebooked it, even.
posted by mygothlaundry 16 September | 11:14
It's hard to remember stuff that's made me laugh, which is kind of sad. Wandering through my Mefi favorites searching for Teh Funnay I came across this oneliner which I think is hilarious.

Earlier today I tweeted: Yesterday I was horribly rude to 3 Mormon missionaries. Today, I got the 1st good news I've had since July. Coincidence? I think NOT! and my friend Jim tweeted back: As someone who thinks you deserve a lot more good news, I pray that the Jehovah's Witnesses show up next. Hee! Cracked me up.
posted by mygothlaundry 16 September | 11:23
The metafilter Voytek FFP is really good, if you're interested.

I also discovered Hyperbole and a Half this year and it makes me laugh tee hee hee.
posted by rainbaby 16 September | 12:30
Lately, animated gifs have been making me laugh.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 16 September | 12:40
The funniest things my three year old has said this year:
Quoth Stuart: "I'm powered by monkeys."
Quoth Stuart: "Thunder! Don't come down and thunder on us!"
Quoth Stuart: "Dada, Jedis are strong. They're superheroes. They can save babies. (Pause) Jedis can."
Quoth Stuart: "When we don't say 'excuse me' when we burp, we get in trouble with the police."
Quoth Stuart: "Ewok is not a word; it's a choice."
posted by plinth 16 September | 12:40
OMG, rainbaby. I just read the tooth/party story on Hyperbole and Half. It was hilarious! And the drawings! The only problem is that I'm at work and had to try and contain my laughter. It didn't work too well, so I ended up making a big pfffhhhhgptttttt noise and spitting all over everything.
posted by youngergirl44 16 September | 12:41
Amen, rainbaby! Hyperbole and a Half's This Is Why I'll Never Be An Adult is the funniest thing online (that I've gotten the most mileage out of, for reals) this year so far. It's completely caught on with the crowds I run in and everyone understands the shorthand now, which makes it even more awesome. ("Did you go to the bank?" "INTERNET. FOREVER!")
posted by flex 16 September | 12:46
That site is ridiculously funny- ridiculous in that I don't understand how drawings can simultaneously look so "sloppy" and so utterly perfect for each and every piece of the story. Genius.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 16 September | 12:49
TPS, don't you know the creator of Hyperbole and a Half somehow?
posted by rainbaby 16 September | 12:51
Do I? I don't think so.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 16 September | 12:59
Huh. Well you both are totally cool. You should find her and be her new bff!
posted by rainbaby 16 September | 13:06
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 16 September | 13:20
flex, "INTERNET. FOREVER!" has become shorthand between the mister and me, too.

MetaChat introduced me to both Hyperbole and a Half AND the Hungover Owls site on tumblr. Both of which have garnered me endless internet cred from my posse, and also many, many belly laughs.

Cool Papa Bell made me guffaw recently with this bon mot.

crunchland makes a bit of a slam on Philip Glass here. full disclosure: I utterly loathe Philip Glass

brundlefly manages to disembowel pretty much every failed art school hipster's attempt at blogsnobbery with a clever one-line, reddit-esque image link.
posted by lonefrontranger 16 September | 13:25
Madamina, you cracked me up completely.

Speaking of things I found very funny, most of the comments on this MetaFilter thread made me snort.

So did a lot of the wit in this one.
posted by bearwife 16 September | 13:30
I gotta quit reading Hungover Owls. I get near hysterical with laughter every time I look at it. And is it only me that hears The Dude saying that stuff?

The cow article: "She said she also called the local 4-H coordinator. She wasn't sure why, but it seemed like a good idea at the time." 4-H coordinator: WTF?

Oh god. I just read The Party at Hyperbole. The mister came in to check if I was okay.

posted by deborah 16 September | 14:58
Holy shit, I think Hungover Owls just made my year. (And my friend has told me that she has printed out one to pin on me next time I do my 'falling asleep while sitting at the bar' routine.)
posted by sperose 16 September | 18:11
rainbaby's ass is my hero. I can never hope to meet Misty May's ass, but I totally hope to meet rainbaby's ass.
posted by Eideteker 16 September | 18:57
rainbaby's ass is my hero. I can never hope to meet Misty May's ass, but I totally hope to meet rainbaby's ass.

Take a fucking number, bucko!
posted by danf 16 September | 19:00
I'm Comic Sans, Asshole! made several days for me.
posted by jeoc 16 September | 19:18
Um, thanks, guys, but my body does not in fact approach the look of MMT. I just love that she has the only female athlete body that is of my body type I have ever seen. So, like, if I was nine years younger, and was a, you know, pro athlete, hell yeah! Autograph that shit on both cheeks. She's an icon, but not by any means a mirror. I think she's a great inspiration for young women in sports today.
posted by rainbaby 16 September | 19:24
Hyperbole and a Half is great. The story about going to the track meet while deathly ill had me howling. And around here our new catch-phrase is CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!!! which is followed a few moments later by a small, timid voice saying "Clean ALL the things....?"
posted by BitterOldPunk 16 September | 19:48
This was a post made on the Politics & Religion subforum on The writing is just out there, but look at all the details around the guy's avatar.

If Mecha clips the picture, click on it; it links back to the original.

≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by Doohickie 16 September | 19:59
I still break into uncontrollable giggles over this.
posted by Triode 16 September | 23:43
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