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17 August 2010

There's a very good possibility that I'll be saying goodbye to my 16-year-old cat in the next day or so. Please tell me I'm not a horrible person.→[More:]

Winston's health has been going downhill for over a year now. (Kidney issues, I suspect, like a lot of other older cats.) I've basically had him in kitty hospice. There was a stretch of several days about a year ago when he wouldn't eat, and I thought then that his time had come. I made the decision not to subject him to treatment of any kind. He hates people. He hates traveling. He hates attention. I knew that if I took him to the vet, he'd likely be on daily subcutaneous fluid injections, and he'd end up hating me too. I didn't want to put him through that.

He snapped out of that after a few days and has been relatively okay and relatively happy-ish (which is his normal state) since. Cranky like an old man who's health is failing, but okay.

But he's stopped eating again. I don't think he's going to come out of this one. He hasn't eaten for a few days, and I've tried all the tricks. He turns his head away. I saw him drink a little bit yesterday, but not as much as he should be. He looks like his joints are stiff, and he looks really uncomfortable and unhappy -- not necessarily in outright pain, but he's definitely feeling shitty.

If he doesn't start to come out of it today or tomorrow, I think it will be time to let him go. Thing is, I still don't want to subject him to any poking or prodding. I just want to take him to the vet and have them give him the shots and let him go out peacefully. Will they agree to that? And am I horrible for taking a hospice approach to this?

[My grandma was in poor health for the last several years of her life, and finally declared, without entertaining any objections, that she was DONE. She didn't want any more needles, drugs, treatments, etc. I really respect that decision, and I feel that my cat would put his foot down in the same way. But at the same time, I know we have this obligation as pet owners to secure the best treatment for them, since we take on the responsibility of maintaining their health. But I feel that, knowing his personality, less treatment IS the best treatment for him. I guess I'm just worried that I'm going to be seen as neglectful.]

Thanks for any insights, y'all. Guess I'm trying to come to terms with this after a sleepless night. He was on my pillow all night, poor guy, and I don't think he slept much either.

post by: mudpuppie at: 11:15 | 43 comments

You're not horrible, I promise. You've given him a long and lovely life, and the decision you've come to is absolutely OK.

posted by Wolfdog 17 August | 11:22

aww, pups, I'm sorry you're going through this and I don't think you're a horrible person. I'm sure if you explain to the vet that you don't want to escalate treatment they'll understand. Can you call the vet in advance and explain the situation? Have they seen him recently? I'm not sure but they might want to examine him before taking any action.

My cat recently had kidney problems, though happily he has fully recovered now. He didn't eat for a few days, and the vet said that cats with serious kidney issues often don't, as the toxins their kidneys are failing to filter out are in the bloodstream, making them feel crappy. I wouldn't want to diagnose your cat over the internet though.

Good luck with whatever you decide for Winston.

posted by altolinguistic 17 August | 11:26

Your timing is perfect, I think, and I predict the vet will agree and put your buddy to sleep. I agree with altolinguistic that it helps to call in advance. I am so sorry.

posted by bearwife 17 August | 11:29

I'm against the poking and prodding myself. Often it's for the anthropomorphic human and not for the animal who only knows the present. That said, this human misses his cat who is gone about a week now.

posted by Obscure Reference 17 August | 11:31

I'm sorry for perhaps throwing a wrench in the equation here - but have you looked at his teeth? My Cat is 16 years old as well, and almost two years ago during one of his food-refusal periods where he was moping about in slow-motion and being utterly miserable, I noted that one of his big canines was about to fall out. I opened and checked his mouth and was horried to find I had let his teeth get so bad. He has - I think it's called periodontal disease in English - and we went straight to the vet to pull six teeth.

He's been eating like a pig ever since (He goes through catfood like mad but never gains any weight, I don't know how he does it). Well, after he had sulked at me for a week or so, high as a kite on painkillers.

Mine is old, and I hug him extra much because I worry it's the end of the line for him soon too. I love him like my kitty-baby and it's very hard to watch him have a hard time walking the stairs because he has achy joints and isn't as fit as he once was. I feel for you, I know what you're going through, ((((((WHUFFLES))))) and much love to you both mudpuppie.

And yes, the vets will just give him the injection and let him go if that is what you wish. That's how my cats brother went in 2001. Two shots - he didn't really want to go but he was unfixably ill with advanced diabetes. I was in tears for days.

posted by dabitch 17 August | 11:37

You are absolutely not a horrible person. Sixteen years is a pretty long life for an indoor cat, and choosing to end his life peacefully is a difficult, but humane choice. If you have a good vet, calling him in advance will indeed get his measure on whether or not he will agree to do the procedure. Most will, in my experience.

I had a friend whose cat was nearly 18 years old. Blind, arthritic, rattling sounds when he breathed--there's really nothing quite as pathetic as an old old housecat, especially one that's not wanted precisely because he IS so old and unwell. Most of the time he'd just sit by the food bowl, drooling uncontrollably, with that rattly breathing sound. It got to the point where she'd just yell at him "God, Rusty won't you just DIE already?" It just broke my heart to see her treat a (once) beloved pet that way. I'm pretty sure the cat was also deaf, though, so at least he wasn't aware he was being yelled at. Yet she preferred to yell at him than euthanize him. Ugh.

posted by WolfDaddy 17 August | 11:39

Also, the way I see it - if you are there for them in their last moment (much as it breaks your heart), you are NOT a horrible person, quite the opposite. That is the best thing you can do. End the pain, and hold their paw the whole way so they aren't alone.

posted by dabitch 17 August | 11:39

But at the same time, I know we have this obligation as pet owners to secure the best treatment for them, since we take on the responsibility of maintaining their health. But I feel that, knowing his personality, less treatment IS the best treatment for him. I guess I'm just worried that I'm going to be seen as neglectful.

You're not being neglectful, quite the reverse actually. The approach you're taking is the kindest one for him, and the toughest one for you. There is great temptation to go for heroic measures to put off saying goodbye just a little bit longer. But it's not like with a person, there's no way for him to understand why things are happening or that these things might make him better for a while. He would only know that he doesn't like it, and you're sparing him that.

It's so difficult and saddening to go through this, and I'm sorry it's happening. You're doing the right thing.

posted by FishBike 17 August | 11:43

You aren't a horrible person. You are a good person. Do call and make an appointment and make your wishes known at that time. The doctor will need to do a basic exam to confirm Winston's general condition, but there shouldn't be any need for needles.

posted by rainbaby 17 August | 11:45

Taking the time to write out your feelings like this shows you are anything but a horrible person.

posted by Ardiril 17 August | 11:49

You are a dear person, not neglectful. You are not a horrible person for taking the hospice approach. It's humane and loving.

This sounds terribly hard. I'm thinking of you and your cat. Everything will be okay.

posted by LoriFLA 17 August | 11:55

My last cat was 18 and had reached a point where she peed everywhere but the litter box, couldn't go up or down stairs and was puking. We ended keeping her in a cage for the last few months and she stopped cleaning herself and wouldn't tolerate brushing. I took her to the vet and they were extremely non-judgmental about putting her down. It was time.

posted by plinth 17 August | 11:57

since we take on the responsibility of maintaining their health

...until their health can no longer be maintained without undue misery; and then our responsibility is to give them a good and peaceful death.

It's really OK. Sad but OK. I think you made the right choices, and it would be kind of you to spare your cat a few final days of suffering. My vet knew when my cat was ready to go, even though there were more and more agressive treatments he would have done if I wanted. I didn't want, and he accepted my decision, in fact supported it. They will respect your decision too.

posted by Miko 17 August | 12:01

So sorry :(

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 17 August | 12:21

You're doing absolutely the right thing, pupps. Our animals can't make these kind of decisions, and depend on us to make them for them, to take care of them even when it hurts as as much as this does. Hugs to you, and I'm so sorry.

And WolfDaddy, I doubt I could remain friends with someone who acted like that.

posted by BoringPostcards 17 August | 12:31

15 years ago, my roommate had a cat like WolfDaddy's friend; blind, miserable, in pain, peeing everywhere, and the roommate would give her IV shots twice a day. "I can't give her up," she'd say, "this is my childhood cat!" We then used to go around saying, "Help! Help! I want to die, but she won't let me!"

posted by Melismata 17 August | 12:36

Absolutely not a horrible person. Be sure to have a friend/loved one to hold *your* hand when it's done. It's hard to let go to our furry family members.

posted by grapefruitmoon 17 August | 12:37

You are doing the right thing. When I had to put my cat to sleep due to a fast growing tumor in her mouth, it was quite literally the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, and it destroyed me, even now I can't think about it without being on the verge of tears. But I'm not sorry I did it. I could have dragged it out a few more days, possibly several weeks, but who would I have been doing it for? She was very uncomfortable and she couldn't do anything about it, so I had to.

posted by King of Prontopia 17 August | 13:01

Hugs.

posted by ramix 17 August | 13:10

What Miko said. I'm really sorry you've got to go through this. (((mudpuppie))

posted by youngergirl44 17 August | 13:55

I've had to put down two of my three elderly cats in the last two years. You're doing absolutely the right thing, thinking of the cat.

posted by JanetLand 17 August | 13:59

I can't imagine a vet wanting to do bloodwork or anything other than a very brief once over before performing a euth on a cat in such a condition unless the owner specifically requested it. A couple of hours advance warning should be enough to have everything ready -including paperwork- so as to minimize the amount of time the process takes. My clinic has a comfort room with couches and whatnot that's separate from the public waiting area for people that want to spend some time saying goodbye (or if they need some time afterwards).

It's one of those maxims that you hear tossed around sometimes, but it's been absolutely true in my experience that there are times when people, in hindsight, wish they'd had their animals put down sooner but I've never heard anyone lament that they wish they had waited longer.

So sorry, pups, but you've no reason to feel any guilt or shame.

posted by ufez 17 August | 14:07

Oh mudpuppie. I am so sorry you're having to go through this. You are doing the right thing for Winston. Do call the vet in advance so they can set things up like others have suggested above. Even better - if you can get the vet to come to your house (and it doesn't cost an arm and a leg), do that. Big hugs to you and your wee beastie.

posted by deborah 17 August | 14:32

...until their health can no longer be maintained without undue misery; and then our responsibility is to give them a good and peaceful death.

Bingo.

I'm sorry, mudpuppie dear.

posted by Stewriffic 17 August | 14:36

In the past year, we have let nature take its course in a cat death, and we have had one put down. Both horrible things to have/allow to happen.

We always go by quality of life vs. quantity of life, and if your guy is not coming out of it, he could very well have a long, painful death. Much better to get the two injections (the first one a narcotic to take the edge off everything).

The grace note on when we euthanized one of ours. . .they made a little clay impression of his front paw and gave it to us. . it is on his grave now.

((hugs))

posted by danf 17 August | 14:54

oooooh, mudpuppie. :( I feel so bad for you right now, I offer my virtual handholding and lots of (((((whuffles))))). It'll be ok, it's all going to be ok.

posted by dabitch 17 August | 15:35

mudpuppie, I'm so sorry for your grief and for your sorrow --- and for Winston's as well. Anything you can do to ease his pain is a truly good thing... though I know that doesn't make it feel any easier for you.

Take good care of yourself. You're already taking good care of Winston.

posted by Elsa 17 August | 15:51

I'm so sorry, pups. I know how much you love your critters. Hugs to you.

posted by jrossi4r 17 August | 15:52

You're doing the right thing.

(((mudpuppie)))

posted by halonine 17 August | 16:02

I'm so sorry, mudpuppie. I've been in this position with my three old cats, aged 14, 15 and 20. With all of them, their health had been failing (two with advanced thyroid disease and one with cancer) but all of a sudden there was a rapid deterioration over a matter of hours and I knew that it was time to do the kindest thing for them.

The weirdest thing was that, on the way to the vet, with the cat swaddled in a towel, they each let out this strange yowl, just once, and then laid their heads on my shoulder, as if to say, yes, I'm ready. This was with all three of the cats, and it was such an eerie experience each time.

You are not a bad cat mommy, no animal could have a more loving, caring owner than you.

posted by Senyar 17 August | 17:07

posted by dg 17 August | 17:33

((pups))

You're a good pet owner.

posted by gaspode 17 August | 17:35

So sorry pups. And as everyone has said you are doing the best thing.

Also, so sorry to hear about your kitties Senyar.

posted by arse_hat 17 August | 18:34

So sorry mudpuppie. As everyone else has said - you most definitely are not horrible.

posted by gomichild 17 August | 19:32

I'm sorry, pups.

For whatever it's worth, I think you're doing the best you can in a pretty awful situation.

posted by box 17 August | 20:07

I'm so sorry about Winston, and about your grief.

It certainly sounds like you're doing the responsible and humane thing, which is prioritizing alleviating his suffering over your own. That makes you a good pet owner, and a good person. (You're a good person for other reasons, too, of course.)

*hugs*

posted by occhiblu 17 August | 20:40

*hugs*

posted by Twiggy 17 August | 22:28

Some more extra hugs for you, mudpuppie.

16 is a very fine old age for a kitty, and with you in his life, I know it was a great one. Please don't doubt your instincts. You are NOT neglectful or selfish.

I also have the same feelings about people, including my dear departed maternal grandmother, when they decide enough is enough. Quality vs. quantity is a very real and important decision. I hope someone as brave and loving and compassionate as you is in charge when my time comes if I can't be.

You are a good and kind person. Please don't doubt that.

posted by lilywing13 18 August | 01:52

*hugs*

posted by brujita 18 August | 03:56

The vet will likely be very supportive. We chose to euthanize our dog last year when she was fighting cancer. I'm sure many people would have chosen to let her hold on for a little longer, but we just couldn't see the point when she was not enjoying life anymore. We too were worried what the vet would say, but in fact she kept saying what great pet owners we were and that if we ever wanted to adopt a greyhound again, she would happily be our reference. (She's kind of a rockstar in the greyhound world in Chicago, so that was a big deal.)

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It is the hardest thing. *hugs*

posted by misskaz 18 August | 09:41

I'm sorry to hear it, pups. I'm sure you're handling this the right way. I know our vet would be sympathetic and agree with your course of action. It sounds similar to how my sister handled the end of her cat (who had been my cat). We share a vet (my sister & I) and for about a year afterward, any time I was at the vet (which was a couple times, since my cats weren't on the same vet schedule), she would ask how my sister was doing.

posted by crush-onastick 18 August | 13:34

I read at Mefi that you had to have Winston put to sleep yesterday. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

posted by deborah 20 August | 01:52

Oh, man, I didn't see this before. I'm so sorry, pups. of course you did the right thing; it was the last best thing you could do for him, and full of love.

posted by taz 20 August | 02:08

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