MetaChat - So my annoying and devious brain figured out a new way to give me a panic attack.

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20 July 2010

So my annoying and devious brain figured out a new way to give me a panic attack. Hyperventilation! God fucking dammit. I just had my first serious panic attack in a year or so because I was irrationally convinced I couldn't get enough oxygen and was suffocating.→[More:]

The good news is that hyperventilation is something that one can learn to overcome and there are direct physical techniques for stopping it. Compared to my previous panic attacks, which were all about feeling like I was losing my mind, this already feels more manageable.

But it's hard not to feel really fucking bluesy about having gone there again. Not that I really thought I was over it for good, but I guess another part of me had kind of hoped I was . . .

But least I know what I'm dealing with now, and I'm not as afraid of the attacks themselves as I used to be.

Thanks for listening, bunnies.

post by: treepour at: 21:10 | 12 comments

((treepour))

The ones that come out of the blue suck donkey balls. Hang in there.

Are you sure it wasn't some kind of asthma attack? I only started getting seasonal asthma as an adult.

posted by lysdexic 20 July | 21:46

Thanks, lysdexic!

I don't think it was asthma because it fit all the emotional/physiological panic-attack symptoms, I didn't have any wheezing, and forcibly slowing my breathing (as scary/uncomfortable/counterintuitive as that was) really helped. But I am planning on going to the doctor just to make sure.

posted by treepour 20 July | 22:28

Hugs.

"Not that I really thought I was over it for good". Don't give up hope. I have a friend who had panic attacks and agoraphobia to the point that she spent two years never leaving her home. But it's been twenty years since she has had any problems. You can beat this.

posted by arse_hat 20 July | 22:44

Hey there, I totally sympathize. I had panic attacks daily until I got my medication sorted out.

posted by desjardins 20 July | 23:06

I'm so sorry, treepour. My PA's were always of the "oh fuck I'm going crazy/can't breathe/I'm drowning both physically and mentally, fuckthisnoise fuckthisnoise fuckthisnoise" variety and I wouldn't wish them on anyone. It's the most vulnerable and isolating feeling I can fathom.

Good on you for realizing that you can recognize them for what they are and don't let them beat you down. Eventually, for me at least, there was an almost "calm after the storm" effect afterward, where I just realized I had to recover.

It always helped me a bit to think of them like some kind of weird muscle cramp/tremor that was a total pain in the ass, but I knew if I just rode it out, I'd be fine later. It's been a couple of years since I last had one (traditional route of therapy/lifestyle changes/and - for me at least - some meds that I've just finished weaning off of this past Sunday) but I imagine there will be a point in life where they'll try to come back. I can only hope I'm in a position to handle them with aplomb.

Best of luck...

posted by ufez 20 July | 23:32

That sounds awful. Damn your brain!

posted by gomichild 21 July | 00:03

ufez, the muscle cramp/tremor analogy is a great one! Thank you! Also, your description of the way it feels -- "I'm going crazy/can't breathe/fuckthisnoise" -- is painfully spot-on. Thank you again, and best of luck to you too.

posted by treepour 21 July | 01:54

Stupid brains! (((treepour)))

I've had a few panic attacks in my life, the last one was a year ago. *shudder*

posted by deborah 21 July | 02:17

*whuffles*

posted by sperose 21 July | 08:28

Hugs and sympathy, treepour :(

posted by halonine 21 July | 14:04

Very sorry about that. What a complete drag. BAD brain!

posted by bearwife 21 July | 14:21

Oh gosh treepour that sounds like no fun. I don't know very much about panic attacks, but I hope they beat a hasty retreat.

posted by chewatadistance 21 July | 18:38

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