Well, many guys WILL take the lead, hence the tons of emails. That doesn't mean you can't also contact a guy first. Weed through the ton of emails, look at their profiles, see who seems interesting, and send something back. If you're not sure what you want then I would say that you want to take it slow upfront, so Mr. Marriage-minded doesn't feel led on.

If you click with a guy, my cardinal rule is to meet within two weeks of the first email, otherwise it can get weird in a hurry because you both build up the other person in your head. Ask him for his phone number, and if he won't give it to you, drop him instantly. If he asks you out, suggest something low-pressure like coffee on a Sunday afternoon. Obviously don't have strangers pick you up at your house. Don't think of it as the deep end or you'll psych yourself out. It's just coffee.

I met my husband online (not eHarmony) after 15-20ish dates with other guys. It's a numbers game, and you will meet jerks. But then you'll meet that one guy...

I've never online-dated, but desjardins' advice seems to be in line with my (male) friends who date online.

As desjardins said, meet in a safe, public space as soon as it is comfortable/practical. Years of experience behind this advice.

I highly recommend meeting in the shadow of a full scale replica of a Diplodicus. My wife and I met under one ten years ago this month and have barely been apart since. A Brontosaurus or Stegosaurus might do as a substitute if your city has no Diplodici but I really couldn't make any guarantees about the subsequent relationship.

Octothorpe - In fact, my first ever serious boyfriend and I met at a museum. We worked there, and before the museum opened, we snuck up to the dino gallery, near this guy for a little cuddle. So, so long ago. We did not last, so perhaps an apex predator was not the best choice.

Thanks for the advice. It seems way easier to meet people in person than deciphering online communication. I meet a lot of people, but I always seem to meet the same kind of people. So, just trying to broaden my horizons a bit.

*Sigh*

Eharmony has a reputation for squeaky-clean 1950's mindset, with all kinds of structure. Last I knew, they didn't allow M 4 M and W 4 W, so here in San Francisco, they're a total non-starter, if only out of solidarity. Other dating sites may skew towards other demographics; do some sniffing around. I met Mrs Triode via online dating, but at a much less formal site. Choose your favorite venue, but keep an active profile at a number of places.

I wholeheartedly agree with the "meet within two weeks" principle, but my window was about 5 days or 1 weekend, whichever was shorter. Do NOT waste time deciphering online communication - just decide if they are meet-up worthy, based on your own arbitrary thresholds for grammar, punctuation and driving distance. Only do enough preliminary chit-chat to establish that you'd like to "get coffee". Then make a closed-ended appointment in a public place where you could politely hit the ejection-seat button in 30 minutes, or if it's going well, you can make a second appointment for a longer date. Be remorseless about saying "no"... you do people a favor by sending clear messages, even if it's rejection. You are merely freeing them to go find their ideal person.

As for taking the lead - If you're willing to take the lead, I say you should go for it. Or if you prefer to stand around like an herbivore and wait for the lions to show up - that's ok too; just don't complain that all you ever meet are lions, and the giraffes are ignoring you.

And perhaps most important: When in the midst of an introductory email volley - Actively think about adding conversational hooks into your messages.. Your friends all know your background, and so a sort of shorthand is enough to keep a conversation going. Online dating isn't like that. People know only what you've put in a profile; so you've got to give them something to work with. For example: You don't "Love travel" - instead, "You've been to 14 countries and are looking forward to going to Slovenia next". etc.

Yes, I think eharmony is not quite the right fit for me because most of its demographic is a bit...boring. However, I am attracted to giraffes.

Thanks all. I only have a month at this site, so I'll see what I can get out of it.

I met BlueEyes on a casual site, but I tried Match.com, SinglesNet, and Plenty of Fish. Met two guys through SinglesNet (both nice, one with potential) and then I met BE on Zoosk (through Facebook). There's a lot of slogging through people, some never seem to want to meet in person, some you may lose interest in once you've spoken by phone. I agree on meeting in a public place for something short, like coffee or a drink. That way no one is tied into a long dinner if there's no attraction.

Oh, and one more thing...I was always attracted to "bad boys". After two bad marriages, I went "outside the box". The two guys (including BE) that I started dating were "not my type", but I found them both funny, and we had things in common, and the more dates we had, the more attraction I found. So don't discount "boring" right off the bat!

Yes, I've been with men who were exciting and no good for me. But that is all that I meet!

So I thought I would try something else. Still, bothered a bit that it only caters to hetero. Thanks all!