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23 February 2010

What's the worst movie you've seen recently? [More:]
Mine: Nothing But Trouble, the 1991 "comedy" starring Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Chevy Chase, and Demi Moore, with an extended cameo appearance by Digital Underground, who also provide the end credits theme rap. You'd think with such a great cast and a script written by the guy who wrote Ghostbusters, it would have to at least be watchable. But you'd be way, way wrong. Here's the awful trailer.
oh man....

The Rocker
Whatever Works
Away We Go
posted by Lipstick Thespian 23 February | 12:57
The Hangover

Man, did that suck balls.
posted by Joe Beese 23 February | 13:06
I just rented Equilibrium with Christian Bale which was pretty dire. Chop up bits of 1984, THX-1138, The Matrix, Gattaca and Brazil and add in some nonsense about Gunkatta combat and you've got a really lame movie. At least Ultraviolet (the director's next movie) had Milla Jovovich to look at.
posted by octothorpe 23 February | 13:27
Back to the Future II
posted by Miko 23 February | 13:32
Avatar. Wow did that suck.

And, oddly, I really liked Equilibrium. Loved the gunkattas! Also, I like Bale a lot. Sure, a little heavy on the emotions stuff, but I thought it was pretty cool.
posted by richat 23 February | 13:33
I watched Suspect with Cher, Dennis Quaid and Liam Neeson last night. It was so bad. What an unlikable, miserable, wooden performance from Cher. Dennis Quaid was only marginally better - he seemed slightly embarrassed to be in the movie and I can certainly understand why. I don't think I've ever seen another movie where I disliked every member of the cast so much. No chemistry at all between any of the leads. I couldn't watch till the end.

I saw Superhero Movie a couple of weeks ago, and can honestly say it's the worst movie I've ever seen. Excruciatingly bad, and I kept watching because I was fascinated by how bad it was, and appalled that it had actually been thought of, acted out, edited, and released to the public. Parodies/spoofs are hard to pull off and it fails on every level imaginable. I did like the scene where a snail humped a sneaker, though.
posted by iconomy 23 February | 13:36
I hated The Hangover too. I could not stand to watch the whole thing. The same went for Gamer.
posted by misteraitch 23 February | 13:37
The Black Dahlia. Exhausting and stupid and nothing about it works. They cast Josh Hartnett as a film noir detective, FFS.

Crash (the non-JG Ballard one). The McSweeney's parody is spot on.
posted by cillit bang 23 February | 13:39
"A Few Good Men". Irritated the hell out of me. After 2 minutes I'm like "OK, THE TOM CRUISE CHARACTER IS A JERK BUT WILL SOMEHOW BE REDEEMED AT THE END, I GET IT." They could've done the movie in about 20 minutes without all those additional "OMG yet another scene where he doesn't get it and acts like a jerk" moments.
posted by Melismata 23 February | 13:42
These questions are tough because I only see movies I think I'll like, which cuts out the truly awful stuff.

I did see Avatar, but I expected to dislike it. And I did, but it wasn't disappointing. The 3D was neat though.

A movie that did disappoint me was The Men Who Stare at Goats. It seemed like the perfect movie for me on paper. Turned out that it kinda sucked.
posted by mullacc 23 February | 13:53
I saw District 9, which I was really excited about, and then I couldn't make it all the way through. It wasn't that it was bad so much as that it was depressing as fuck and kind of vile and sad and really damn heavy handed.

I also saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which I am fondly calling Origins of Species: Wolverine and that was terrible too but terrible in a good way because any movie that has a ridiculous hand to hand combat scene on top of a nuclear reactor with a guy who keeps appearing and disappearing and then Wolverine totally, like, dissects the nuclear reactor core and shit, is excellent.

I really liked Avatar. Does that make me a bad person? I barely noticed the plot - the scenery was like living inside the Yessongs cover for three hours.
posted by mygothlaundry 23 February | 14:05
I watched Repo! The Genetic Opera last weekend. I can't say I didn't like it, but it was definitely a bad movie. It really suffered what a lot of scripts suffer when they're adapted: They try to stick too close to the source material, and end up really over-explaining every single plot device in song.

It's like, yes, I've already figured out why the Anthony Head character is so protective of his daughter. I've even figured out the ending twist. You don't need to do a whole number about it. And then another number in case we forgot.
posted by muddgirl 23 February | 14:12
Away We Go. I so wanted to even just like it, because I have a schoolgirl crush on John Krasinski, but I didn't. It was really bad.
posted by Specklet 23 February | 14:23
Wasabi, a French movie in Japan with Jean Reno. He must have needed the money or really wanted to visit Japan. Totally pointless but too light to be unlikeable, just brightly colored fluff but any single part of it is falls apart with lack of any reason.
I'd only see Avatar again on drugs so i could just look at it and try to totally avoid the "story." I remember watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit a lot on acid because it made everything look like Toon Town.
When i saw Equilibrium i didn't expect much, so while it had problems it was watchable for what it was.
posted by ethylene 23 February | 14:23
Probably Flight 93. Cheesy, cliché-ridden docudrama reenacting the doomed flight of September 11th. Watched it by mistake thinking it was United 93, the rather good, award-winning docudrama about the same thing.

The worse movie I've seen very recently was probably "Crank 2: High Voltage". The original was just over-the-top enough to be fun, but this was over-over-the-top, and not funny enough. Why have a character called Poon Dong? If you're going to have a comedy-named character make it Ti Ni Dong or Poon Fo Mi or something that you've put a few seconds thought into instead of just adding two vaguely rude words together.
posted by TheophileEscargot 23 February | 14:37
Since it's unusual to go to movies that I don't think I'll like, going in (this is probably a bad thing), The Ugly Truth, which we went to on a "hope it's a good romantic comedy" lark, well, wasn't.

I also hated the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, but that was probably just me.
posted by danf 23 February | 14:43
I usually turn movies off if I don't like them, and then forget I've even seen them.

Not so with The Dark Knight, which I was excited for, actually paid to see, and then sat in the cinema waiting for it end. That shit was fucking dumb.
posted by Hugh Janus 23 February | 14:46
I thought Broken Flowers was incredibly slow and pointless.
posted by JanetLand 23 February | 14:50
The Black Dahlia. Exhausting and stupid and nothing about it works.

Yeah, I couldn't get through that one.

Broken Flowers wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. I know someone with good taste who loved it, but it might be because he's the same age as Bill Murray's character. Some movies just have to hit you at the right time in your life.

I heard The Hangover was actually pretty funny in a low brow way.

I don't often watch bad movies. You can usually tell from the jacket copy whether it's watchable or not. If they have to quote reviewers from publications/media outlets you've never heard of in order to promote the movie because no reputable reviewer had anything good to say about it, you know it sucks donkey kong.
posted by Orange Swan 23 February | 14:56
"A Few Good Men". Irritated the hell out of me. After 2 minutes I'm like "OK, THE TOM CRUISE CHARACTER IS A JERK BUT WILL SOMEHOW BE REDEEMED AT THE END, I GET IT." They could've done the movie in about 20 minutes without all those additional "OMG yet another scene where he doesn't get it and acts like a jerk" moments.

Uh, you just described ALL of Tom Cruise's movies. Christ Almighty does that loser make me want to grind my teeth. I couldn't be more delighted that public opinion seems to be coming around my way on the topic of him of late years.
posted by Orange Swan 23 February | 14:59
I tried to watch Smart People which has a great cast and I had wanted to see because it was filmed here in Pittsburgh mostly in the East End around the universities, an area that I know really well. I didn't make it an hour through it, the characters were so annoying that I just couldn't keep watching.
posted by octothorpe 23 February | 15:19
LOL Orange Swan after I posted that, I thought, "Wait a minute, that's what totally irritated me about Rain Main. And Top Gun. And Jerry Maguire. And..." %)

Broken Flowers wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either.

Yeah, the only way it's watchable is for it to be read as "This is part two of Bill Murray's fantasy of dealing with the midlife crisis? issues in his life." Part one, of course, is "Lost in Translation," a good movie in my opinion but seen by many as "...and?".
posted by Melismata 23 February | 15:36
Rain Man.
posted by Melismata 23 February | 15:38
Rain man mostly annoyed me for the "pointless cross country road trip in a vintage American car" cliche.
posted by octothorpe 23 February | 15:53
Serenity - I fell asleep half way through and didn't see any point in watching the rest.
The Machine Girl - I knew it would be bad, but it was even worse.
posted by Ardiril 23 February | 16:06
I found Pulp Fiction completely unwatchable, the most boring, overrated movie ever made.

I also hated all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Just shrill and pointless.

I loved Equalibrium. Not sure why, it was pretty derivative and overwrought. I thought the "gun-fu" was brilliantly fun.
posted by evilcupcakes 23 February | 16:16
I rented _Nights in Rodanthe_; Boringly Bad

Saw _It's Complicated_ at a theater; Manipulatively Bad. Somebody who lives in a beautiful house, with loving kids, close friends and a successful business that seems to require no effort, to say nothing of the fabulous, perfectly groomed garden, this person may get depressed occasionally, may whine a tiny bit, but, seriously, this person should really Shut Up. Only watchable because it's Meryl freaking Streep, who can distract a person from crap for quite a while.
posted by theora55 23 February | 16:33
Paranormal Activity. Jesus I'm pretty sure that it doesn't even reach the minimum standards to even be called a movie. It was hard to sit through even with the Rifftrax.
posted by kodama 23 February | 17:26
Not a "bad movie" but it was kinda different. Who would have figured they use giant foam earplugs to clean out water pipes.
- No pigs were harmed in the making of the video.
posted by buzzman 23 February | 17:36
The Hurt Locker and Righteous Kill.
posted by birdie 23 February | 17:53
A movie called My Name Is Sarah about a woman who pretends to be a recovering alcoholic so she can date a man in AA. Unbelievably bad.
posted by essexjan 23 February | 18:39
The family recently watched the 6th Harry Potter movie. It sucked, just like the rest of them. I busied myself in the kitchen after about the first half.
posted by DarkForest 23 February | 19:14
I thought Broken Flowers was incredibly slow and pointless.

And painful to watch. Jarmusch seems to specialize in putting people in uncomfortable positions.
posted by DarkForest 23 February | 19:17
the mister and I watched Men Who Stare At Goats awhile back, and the only reason we didn't actually turn it off is because we got distracted by the internet.
posted by lonefrontranger 23 February | 19:29
Forgetting Sarah Marshall. GF's friend's husband wanted to see it. Theater was so packed we didn't even get to sit with her friends. Lots of awkward-for-awkward's-sake stuff.
posted by Eideteker 23 February | 19:39
I can't think of any bad ones we've seen lately, but I found Dreamgirls to be completely torturous, way too long and painful.
posted by chewatadistance 23 February | 19:50
I was bored in a hotel room a couple of weeks ago, and ended up watching "Wanted" with Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman as supporting cast. The name of the actor playing the main role I have forgotten, since he was so forgettable and lacked any gravity or charisma. The story was both ludicrous and boring. The dialog substituted the word "fuck" in place of anything interesting to say.

I did get a chuckle, however, when a chase scene has the main man and Jolie driving down Wacker Drive in downtown Chicago, right by Marina City, where they have a huge accident. I was just a block down from there, and involuntarily glanced out the hotel window to see if the accident was "out there" as well. Dumb brain.
posted by deadcowdan 23 February | 21:00
The Invention of Lying.

I am a huge Gervais fan, and really really wanted to love this movie, but it was unwatchable. Turned it off halfway through. Such a disappointment.
posted by Ike_Arumba 23 February | 21:11
A friend was cleaning out her DVD collection and passed on a number of good titles. And also Journey to the Center of the Earth, which got the EJECT button not even ten minutes in. Lord Christ.
posted by hangashore 23 February | 21:37
I kind of liked Away We Go because it was foisted upon me and I was really hoping for nothing really meaningful, dramatic, or stressful, and I got exactly what I wanted.

Alternatively the last movie I really remember not liking was Crash, because it did try to be meaningful, dramatic, and stressful. Which I almost unilaterally dislike in movies. I guess I don't know if I would necessarily call Away We Go better than Crash, though.

I am not a movie connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination. I like fluff.
posted by that girl 23 February | 23:42
Bright Star, hands down. I am generally well disposed towards both Jane Campion and Abbie Cornish, but this was just complete tripe. Overwrought, way too long, incredibly self-indulgent, unevenly paced, indifferently scripted. The main characters are thoroughly empty, shallow, unlikable and unbelievable.

Exactly one event worthy of notice happens in the entire movie, right at the very end. It is not worth sitting through the rest of the film to get there.
posted by Rembrandt Q. Einstein 24 February | 01:04
I just watched Chocolat and it irritated the shit out of me. Something Juliet Binoche's character just made me want to punch her right in the truffles. And what the hell accent was Johnny Depp trying to do? Irish? Since when do Irish river gypsies gallivant around rural France after WW2?

So disappointed. I've been watching food movies and after Babette's Feast and Eat Man Drink Woman I was really expecting something better.
posted by ninazer0 24 February | 01:07
I watched Pandorum recently. I thought "Dennis Quaid, spaceships, bad could it be?". Sadly, the answer was "much worse than I thought possible"
posted by Gorgik 24 February | 01:28
I kinda liked Away We Go, but I can see why people wouldn't like it.

The Invention of Lying

Somehow I hadn't even heard of this until I came across it on a hotel TV. I thought it was really funny. The only thing I didn't like was the Jennifer Garner character. With a few tweaks to that character, it could have been great. The Tina Fey scenes are particularly awesome (especially the one with Rob Lowe). I don't know how it slipped under my radar when it came out.
posted by mullacc 24 February | 02:25
Also, pretty much anything with Renee Zellwegger and Tom Cruise in it (I can just about stand him in Magnolia because everyone else in that movie is so good, and his creepy character suits him), so that movie that he and RZ are in together about the sports agent that's so bad I've wiped its name from my memory is hell on earth for me.
posted by essexjan 24 February | 02:51

Orange Swan, I also hate the remarkably lifelike automaton known as Tom Cruise. The trailer for "Knight and Day" that they played before Avatar reminded me just how much.
posted by Madamina 24 February | 11:06
500 Days of Summer. The only thing that would have made it worse would have been if Michael Cera was actually in the movie (JGL made it much more tolerable).
posted by jabberjaw 24 February | 16:47
Oh lord, 500 Days of Summer was obnoxious. I have loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt ever since 10 Things I Hate About You, which is my go-to 90s teen movie, and even he couldn't redeem the terrible tweeness that is Zooey Deschanel.
posted by unsurprising 25 February | 02:40
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