Cheating, because I made this earlier in the week. But for people who are all like, "oh that jerky Eideteker is all about laughs and being crass" you have my permission to gaze into my soul, however temporarily.

I wish I was smart like the engineers so I could make more money. How do you change your hardwiring?!

Trust me, you wouldn't be able to stand the dullness.


Anyway, a lot of my journaling is about bicycles, so here goes:

Monday- Drove to work since I had to carry my laptop.
Tuesday- Rode the bike but BROKE ANOTHER SPOKE. I'm through with that wheel; time to order another one.
Wednesday- Rode a different bike to work and found out it's not terribly well suited to my new, longer commute.
Thursday- Raining cats and dogs; I drove to work. I stopped by the bike shop to see if my wheel was in yet, and they had a late 1950s Schwinn Jaguar in to get a new chain. My lord was it awesome.

That is all.

I am depressed because my best office friend, the one who taught me everything about dealing with the idiots in our section, is retiring and her last day is tomorrow. But I am also excited because now I will have to do the work on my own. Also, envious because I can't retire for another 15 years. Going to be weird tomorrow trying to keep her retirement under wraps because she doesn't want the others to know because of the drama.

We better get a pastor at our church damn quick, because all the work that's been put on me without one is slowly driving me batty.

An old and long-missing friend wants to reconnect. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

I think about our friendship often. I dream about her sometimes. Just before she contacted me, I mentioned her in conversation with a new friend, telling an old story with a fond laugh. She appears in a great many of my old stories; she was a longtime friend...

... but she was also unpredictable, unstable, deeply needy, and ultimately absent when I needed her. I have not forgotten that.

But I wonder: how much of this history am I seeing objectively? How much is my fault? And how much have we both changed?

The other side of that: we have both changed, and I'm not sure I want to see the results.

This is, uh, just between me and Dear Diary, right? Oh. Hell.

Subj: WTF have I done?

Text: The partner of the client from yesterday had sent me a LinkedIn invite so I accepted it because he said he'd be able to talk non-profit stuff with me and I really want to know how much further I have to get before I can start the Kielle Foundation. That was fine.

Said partner also just friended me on Facebook... and I accepted it.

Good Lord, what have I done?

My rationale is that as two different friends said once, "famous" or "important" people are humans, too, who put their pants on one leg at a time and for them to see someone else as being human is fine. I'm not ashamed of my fannishness, but maybe I am a little.

I shouldn't apologize for who I am, what I like, or what I do.

And yet... well, just look at the Subject header...

Dear Diary:
Is this as good as it gets? Really? It's been over 48 years and I'm still waiting for things to get better, so I guess this is it, huh?

Well, fuck.