MetaChat - Actions vs. Words vs. Intentions etc.

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26 January 2010

Actions vs. Words vs. Intentions etc. →[More:]
So I'm on this hip hop forum, reading an argument to the effect that Jay-Z is better at sharing the wealth than another rapper, Nas, who becomes a star without being able to pull his 'people' forward. And I'm sitting there and thinking, just coz Nas isn't able to be a 'boss' and setup teams and make them all successful and cut out the people who aren't pulling their weight etc. doesn't mean he and Jay have different intentions when it comes to using their influence to pull people forward. I mean this guy can't even get a prenup before marrying and he ends up paying $40k/mo in alimony. He's just not good at managing certain sorts of things. Meanwhile Jay-Z makes hundreds of millions of dollars an year so clearly he's better at managing groups of people in different sorts of interactions etc.

So to get to the basic point, I think things like "I'm gonna stop being an alcoholic!" or "yeah I'm gonna start feeding my kids better nutrients" coming from people who don't follow up immediately on them aren't necessarily showing a lack of honesty. It's like there's three levels right, intentions+motivation+capability.

Like when people say "if you're late to my class you must have a better place to be"--it's true in a fundamental sense for sure. If you kicked your ass enough you'd be there, in their class, ten minutes earlier. But some people are just bad at turning up to anything on time. Personal change is hard and it's not necessarily that you're getting impacted disproportionately by someone if they're just bad at living up to a sort of commitment in general.

Now, looking out for yourself, should *you* go by people's actions rather than their words? Hell yeah. If something's not working out it's not working out. But it doesn't mean that words that don't match up to actions are necessarily lack of care or lack of honesty on the part of people saying those words. It's just that they're not doing it so that's the bottom line.

What do you think? (Am I being totally unclear in what I'm getting at?)

post by: Firas at: 01:08 | 6 comments

I'll have to get back to you later on this.

posted by trondant 26 January | 03:36

Capability, like free will, is difficult to pin down. You could say everyone is always doing the best they are capable of. So everything is forgiven.

posted by Obscure Reference 26 January | 04:32

The old saying is: Character is habit long continued.

I think people tend to use "I'm just not the X kind of person", where X is something boring or unpleasant but necessary, as an excuse not to do it.

If you're generally late for things, it's not easy to change since you've got into that habit. But it's certainly possible to change. You need to start making decisions to be on time. Make enough of those decisions in a row and you've got a habit of being on time. Keep that habit going a while and being punctual is part of your character.

So, if your intentions are genuine, then they become their actions. If your intentions are consistently different to your actions, then they're not genuine intentions.

posted by TheophileEscargot 26 January | 05:10

Over on NPR: Willpower and the Slacker Brain.

posted by DarkForest 26 January | 07:35

I follow you Firas, and I think you're correct.

posted by rainbaby 26 January | 10:57

If your intentions are consistently different to your actions, then they're not genuine intentions.

Theophile somehow that lexical twist rather illuminates things for me. An intention that isn't followed by the required steps/sacrifices isn't a genuine intention. Hence what you need to do there is close the gap by not hooking things/people/other dependencies to intentions are predictably 'non-genuine', or being transparent--or at least clear in your own head--about the issues involved in following up. Some of that is a bit scary because it involves stripping away layers of ego and opening yourself to criticism (e.g. "of course I feed my kids right! I'm gonna do it tomorrow morning! Oops I didn't." vs "Yeah there's an issue here. I have shortcomings with it. I'm working on it.")

There's still some distinctions there I think between e.g.

"Jason borrowed your money and is never gonna return it back!"
vs.
"Jason borrowed your money and is having trouble prioritizing your debt."
vs.
"Jason borrowed your money and is working on making some so he can get his affairs in order including your debt."

And sometimes from the outside people can mix up the layers so communicating where you're at intention-wise vs. action-wise can be important.

posted by Firas 27 January | 23:38

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