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14 September 2009

IBMD: I'm Sitting Through The 2nd Worst Movie Ever Made! →[More:]
Welcome to the Internet Bad Movie Database!

Where I tell you that I slogged through Elizabethtown, which outside of Art School Confidential, is the worst movie ever made.

It's as if every Wes Anderson movie, The Graduate, and When Harry Met Sally were all sieved into a tea strainer, and the resulting tea was thrown away, and they just shot the blackened, smelly little tea dregs left behind.

Elizabethtown is a little tea basket's worth of unpotable, damp, tedious celluloid.

post by: Lipstick Thespian at: 22:55 | 22 comments

That's Kirsten Dunst and... Orlando Bloom? I remember wanting to see that.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 14 September | 22:57

Triangle - you DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE. NO ONE WANTS. TO SEE. THIS MOVIE.

Pink - if you see this movie after I say these things, you will hate me. For not saying "don't see it" enough, for not recognizing danger.

It's seriously one of the crappiest movies ever released, and I don't save this kind of venom for just anything.

I'd rather sit through a back-to-back showing of every Pauly Shore movie with no way of turning my head or lowering my eyelids than watch this.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 14 September | 23:07

This movie is so bad that just listening to the dialogue without actually watching the film is horrible.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 14 September | 23:08

I HATE ART SCHOOL COINCIDENTAL MUCH I WANT TO EXPLODE

posted by The Whelk 14 September | 23:26

Pink - if you see this movie after I say these things, you will hate me.

Noooooooooo. Nevah.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 14 September | 23:29

I don't know about this movie, but it reminds me of the movie I hate the mostest...The Notebook. What is it with people and that movie? Was I supposed to take some magic pill or put on some special glasses? I don't get it.

It's really, really bad.

posted by iamkimiam 15 September | 02:34

This movie is exactly as terrible as LT and Videogum says it is. Orlando Bloomps plays a suicidal shoe designer, for god sake.

(500 Days of Summer would never have gotten away with having the lead have a dead-end job as a full time greeting card writer if it wasn't for this movie having something stupider)

posted by cillit bang 15 September | 02:41

I HATED that movie.. with all kinds of fiery passion... NO REALLY.

Worst. Film. Ever.

I'd prefer to sit through that goddamnawful meet the spartans again. And I only lasted 2 minutes of that.

posted by jonathanstrange 15 September | 03:53

I kept really wanting it to end. And it amazingly just went on and on. It was the proverbial trainwreck: so horrible I didn't want to turn away, and fascinating in the way that every time you thought it had reached bottom (basically from the very first scenes onward) it dropped another floor.

posted by Miko 15 September | 06:45

We just watched "Burn After Reading" which wasn't the worst movie ever but damn disappointing. You figure that a movie by the Coen brothers with Frances McDormand, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton and John Malkovitch has to be great, huh? It was really lame and only had a few chuckles in it and the ending was "Wuh?". What a waste of talent.

posted by octothorpe 15 September | 06:56

The clerk at the video store tried to talk me out of renting Southland Tales. I did anyway. . .did not even get halfway through it.

I had to go back and face her and tell her she was right.

posted by danf 15 September | 08:26

Upon reflection, I'm going to have to say that Elizabethtown IS the worst movie ever made. For this reason:

You could actually use this film to perfectly illustrate every single thing you can do badly on a film.

Bad script? check.
Bad acting? check.
Plotting issues? check.
Editing issues? check.
Sound issues? check. (anyone notice that the soundtrack songs were three times as loud when they appeared in the film as what was actually happening?)

Scene issues? (this movie WOULD NOT END.)
Pointless stereotyping of people in the South? check.

Bad accents? check.

Okay, I'll stop now? check.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 15 September | 10:23

I know there are people who like Joe vs. The Volcano, but all I have to say is that you are sick and wrong, and that it is bad to like that movie, and you are therefore a bad person for liking it.

It's sooooo bad, it's bad! Not Micheal Jackson bad, more like puking on your date at Disneyworld bad.

posted by Devils Rancher 15 September | 11:03

agreed, ye Rancher of Devils. That movie was so bad, that when I saw it in a theater, I turned to my friend at certain points to verify she was seeing what I was on-screen and I wasn't suddenly hallucinating.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 15 September | 11:08

talking about the worst films ever made and no one has mentioned Pauley Shore or Ernest ?? lol

posted by rollick 15 September | 11:09

I saw a trailer for Elizabethtown at the cinema and thought it might look like a distraction on Sky Movies one evening when there's nothing else on TV. When it eventually showed up on Sky Movies, I watched about 15 minutes of it and then QVC was a blessed relief of intellectualism and reason.

posted by essexjan 15 September | 11:25

See the thing for me is, Rollick, is that my Worst Films are all films that you didn't think were going to be complete crap going in.

Pauly Shore movies, Ernest Does Whatever movies, The Cable Guy, Adam Sandler/David Spade/Big Momma Anything movies you know are going to be shit.

They're just product.

But a movie like Elizabethtown, that is trying so DAMN HARD to be Something, just amps up Teh Awful to new heights.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 15 September | 11:26

Yea, you figure that the makers of Pauly Shore movies and such aren't actually trying to make good movies but Cameron Crowe is a "serious filmaker" who makes serious movies. So when he fucks up, it's going to be way worse than a movie that only aspires to fart jokes.

posted by octothorpe 15 September | 12:24

Well and Orlando Bloom is only good when he plays an expressionless elf.

posted by octothorpe 15 September | 12:26

The title that pops into my head when I hear "bad movie" is "End of Days". Can barely remember why, now, but I remember seeing it on a bored Sunday afternoon and making a mental note that it was truly terrible despite featuring the very lovely Gabriel Byrne.

Anyone remember it?

posted by altolinguistic 15 September | 14:19

Other IBMD titles:

Hanging Up, Life as a House, Dan in Real Life, Dinner With Friends, The Darjeeling Ltd., The Family Stone, I Heart Huckabees.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 15 September | 21:34

There are several kinds of worst-movie-ever-made, I think. There are plenty of forgotten c-, d- and z-movies that are worse than your Plan 9s and MST3k stuff and whatnot--and they're worse because they're not quite as bad, y'know? This stuff is complicated.

posted by box 15 September | 22:57

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