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02 September 2009

Ask MeCha: Meatspace Dating! So, I think the rmless2 protocol® method of securing a date isn't going to work for me with this one guy and here's why:→[More:]

1. We've already met in person, at poker night not too long ago.
2. We have a few friends in common.
3. We're eventually going to meet again at another poker night to be named later.
4. In response to his flirtatious behavior at poker night (but he didn't stay long enough for me to get a true sense of what he was up to) I asked him point-blank if he was flirting with me and he said that he had been, yes.
5. We're in touch via Facebook and he laughs when I quip at him.

Have I already drifted irretrievably into FriendZone territory? In addition to being Facebook friends, he's given me his AIM and @gmail address, too, but I haven't used any of them yet.

What should I do?

post by: TrishaLynn at: 19:04 | 14 comments

I would just go ahead and ask him out, but I have no patience at all in these matters, and perhaps that's why my track record is nothing to brag about.

posted by JanetLand 02 September | 19:33

he admitted out loud and directly that he was flirting with you?
That is a NEON sign!
ask him out!

posted by kellydamnit 02 September | 20:25

Dude, you need to ask?

(says the girl who was holding hands with a guy all night and was too shy to just pash him when I said goodbye after months of flirting)

posted by jonathanstrange 02 September | 20:56

Sounds like you're still on the dating track!
Do you know if the next poker night will be? If it's in the next week or two, I'd keep flirting over facebook and then wait to see if he asks you out or ask him out in person at poker (or just step outside with him and make out).
If it's in the distant future/unknown and probably not soon, just tack something on to your next response to him like "So the next poker night doesn't seem to be coming soon enough, want to go get a drink this weekend?"

posted by rmless2 02 September | 22:47

For goodness sake, woman, it isn't going to hurt anything if you ask him out.

He said he was flirting with you!

Well, except maybe your pride a little if he says no, but that's the risk. And then you'll most likely still have a friend anyway, which isn't a bad thing. I'm still friends with some men who I asked out in the past, and they declined. We all got over it.

I hope he says YES.

posted by lilywing13 02 September | 22:48

Hmm, I guess I'm not really conveying my dilemma well.

He said that yes, he was flirting with me, but wait... lemme cut/paste: "As for the flirting, yeah, I mixed it in there. You intrigued me. Even if you weren't interested, it kept your attention on me...and guys are just as big on getting attention as women. :)"

It sounds so... nonchalant and laid-back. Like he's not really interested, but just acknowledging the flirtation. Some people just like to flirt, you know?

So which is it?

posted by TrishaLynn 02 September | 23:12

That might have been his way of hedging because you could have been like "Are you flirting with me? Because I'm taken/not interested."
If he's still contacting you on facebook and initiating conversation (not just replying to your messages without asking you things back) I'd say you're still in.

Any way you can convince another friend in the poker group to get the group together again soon? This sounds like something that might be easier to suss out with another "accidental" face to face meeting.

posted by rmless2 02 September | 23:26

I could have, but I actually wrote something like: "Were you flirting with me? Because if you were, I liked it, and I would have flirted back harder, but I had to have good table face."

And then at the end of the first Facebook message, I also wrote: "Anyway, if you weren't, just be happy in the knowledge that a random girl who has mutual friends with you thinks you're cute."

And then when he responded that he did, I said we should get a drink sometime when I'm not working late... but I'm almost always working late and he leaves Manhattan for Brooklyn four hours earlier than I usually leave the office. :(

posted by TrishaLynn 02 September | 23:32

And then at the end of the first Facebook message, I also wrote: "Anyway, if you weren't, just be happy in the knowledge that a random girl who has mutual friends with you thinks you're cute."

And then when he responded that he did, I said we should get a drink sometime when I'm not working late... but I'm almost always working late and he leaves Manhattan for Brooklyn four hours earlier than I usually leave the office. :(

What's with the preemptive shutdowns? "I think you're flirting with me, BUT IF YOU'RE NOT..." "I think we should go out BUT I'M REALLY BUSY.." Are you projecting your mixed signals onto him? If someone said to me what you said to him (assuming you said the second thing about working late all the time), I would think you weren't really into going out with me.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 02 September | 23:54

My first thought about what you said was that since he's on my Facebook and if he's not working and has his open, he's going to see that I work late whenever I update as I'm leaving the office. I'd rather get the whole "I work late often" thing out of the way rather than to try and make a date I'd have to cancel if I end up having to work late.

But I think I see what you mean about the mixed signals. Maybe my hind brain is telling me that I'm still not ready to date yet if I can't control certain aspects of it.

posted by TrishaLynn 03 September | 00:26

I'd rather get the whole "I work late often" thing out of the way rather than to try and make a date I'd have to cancel if I end up having to work late.

You work late and unpredictably seven days a week? You can't go to Brooklyn for a drink? He can't come to Manhattan?

Maybe my hind brain is telling me that I'm still not ready to date yet if I can't control certain aspects of it.

I'm sorry, I can't believe this.

What did he say when you suggested that you get a drink sometime?

posted by grouse 03 September | 01:42

Excuses excuses! Ask him out for that drink after work TODAY.

posted by gomichild 03 September | 03:09

Ask him for a drink in Brooklyn, tell him you think you'll be free by 8 pm, but if you aren't you'll call and meet him whenever you are off.
Just go for it!
He is probably into you, he just doesn't know when to ask you out for because you were vague about your busy hours and that might have put him off.

The worst that happens is he says no or you have a shitty date. But a shitty date still counts as a date, so get out there and do it.

posted by rmless2 03 September | 14:03

I say this as someone who is too askeered of rejection to date online, but, if you want to date, you have to create some available time. So, invite him for coffee or cupcakes. You can go back to work afterwards.

posted by theora55 25 September | 12:28

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