MetaChat - The Bridezilla Equation

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02 June 2009

The Bridezilla Equation Ugh. I am bogged down in wedding plans. If you knew me in RL, you would know that I am so totally not your typical "bridezilla" type, but on a certain level I am begining to understand the phenomenon.
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The Bridezilla Equation*

((B+D)*(P+O))+(W/H)=T

(budget restraints + multiple deadlines) * (familial pressures) + social obligations) + (what you've "always wanted" / what you can have)= TOKYO SMASH!!!!

At any rate, we are going with a loosely heathen wedding (we are exchanging swords and keys instead of rings), I am wearing red and the flowers are sunflowers. We are shipping in some real Eastern Carolina style BBQ (Smithfield is the only place we could find to do it, Bs in Greenville doesn't have a damn phone) and my sister (who also married a southerner and now lives in Arkansas) is going make hush puppies, green beans, boiled potatoes, sweet tea, lemonade, and biscuits. My best friend is my "man of honor", and his husband (at least their marraige still stands in CA) is going to be the officiant. I hope it all goes well. I hope people show up.

It's funny, I have no qualms whatsoever about marrying the future Mr. Cupcakes, but the wedding itself has me petrified. It's all going down August 8th in my dad's backyard. Yikes!

* I am not good at math. Forgive the badly structure equation, I haven't taken a math class since 8th grade pre-algebra.

post by: evilcupcakes at: 18:30 | 20 comments

Please don't smash Tokyo we have enough trouble as it is right now.

posted by gomichild 02 June | 18:31

What do you call an iced-tea-and-lemonade beverage?

posted by box 02 June | 20:28

An Arnold Palmer

posted by doctor_negative 02 June | 20:45

Me too. What's your opinion about those crazies that call it a half-and-half? They're crazy, right?

posted by box 02 June | 21:00

I like the equation! That's good.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 02 June | 21:45

I am a mathy person and your equation looks fine. I bet your cupcakey wedding will turn out awesome.

posted by special-k 02 June | 21:55

"What do you call an iced-tea-and-lemonade beverage?"

Sweet tea or unsweet tea?

posted by Ardiril 02 June | 22:14

I'm right there with you, evilcupcakes. The Fella and I get married in about six weeks, and with so much still left to do, I'm getting quite anxious... except I know it's all false anxiety: we'll do everything that is essential, and we probably won't complete some of the inessential tasks, and at the end of the day, we'll still be just as married.

Your heathen biscuit barbeque sounds dreamy.

I have no qualms whatsoever about marrying the future Mr. Cupcakes, but the wedding itself has me petrified.

This, a thousand times. I'm perfectly sanguine about the lifelong commitment love forever yadda yadda; the nuts-and-bolts party planning stuff is what makes me anxious.

posted by Elsa 02 June | 23:28

Evilcupcakes, this sounds like a lovely wedding. My 1981 bat mitzvah reception was in my backyard with a strolling violin and flute, because there was no chance in hell I wanted a lame band mangling Devo's "Whip It".

If I ever do get married, I want it to be just immediate family in the garden of Longfellow's house in Cambridge.

posted by brujita 03 June | 00:35

First, congratulations!! Your wedding sounds great.

Our wedding last year was in a park, had a cookout for the reception, and a keg party a few hours later for an afterparty. It was Hawaiian theme for clothes. Very laid back, and we got lots of compliments. Expect things to not perfectly, and try to breath.

At the end of the day, you will be married. Success!

posted by lilywing13 03 June | 00:49

I felt just the same as you and Elsa (lifelong commitment = BRING IT ON; party planning = OMG AWFUL).

We were going through a lot of other stuff at the time - I'd started a new job, and mr alto had just been diagnosed with health problems and was going to hospital twice a week - so we opted to let a lot of things slide. I was glad my future mother-in-law emailed the question "so are you doing the old, new, borrowed, blue thing?" rather than asking it over the telephone, because I probably would have said something I'd later regret. As it was, I just ignored her, and her suggestions that we have a seating plan (we didn't; everyone who wanted to changed places between courses, and new friendships were forged as a result).

For me the metric of a successful wedding is a) are you married? and b) did anyone get injured?. If the answers are a) yes and b) no then that's a success. Frivolous extras include getting Aunt Agatha drunk and making sure everyone has a good time (people generally take care of that themselves) and are strictly optional.

posted by altolinguistic 03 June | 04:18

I'm right there with you. We're in the process of planning a very small and informal ring exchange ceremony, and even that has me stressing.

posted by Specklet 03 June | 04:40

For me the metric of a successful wedding is a) are you married? and b) did anyone get injured?.

Ha! Someone asked me what would make it "a perfect day." I privately rolled my eyes and told her I had two goals for the day:
A) We end the day married.
B) No one gets food poisoning.

"Perfect day"? Pfffft.

posted by Elsa 03 June | 09:24

Exchanging swords is a great idea. . .do you show eachother the swords, in advance?

posted by danf 03 June | 11:12

A) We end the day married.
B) No one gets food poisoning.

The last wedding I went to, a bunch of people did get food poisoning, including the groom who ended up in the ER on an iv because he couldn't keep anything down.

Um.
But that means that won't happen at your wedding! Because who knows *two* weddings where that happens, right?

posted by gaspode 03 June | 11:35

Glarg, how awful! But no worries, no "um"s --- we're self-catering, which is a little nerve-wracking, but it does mean I have almost complete control over the food safety protocol. This is a strangely calming thought.

posted by Elsa 03 June | 11:46

For me the metric of a successful wedding is a) are you married? and b) did anyone get injured?

My sister and brolaw are still married (coming on their 9th in June/July), but I sprained my knee at their reception and had to drive relatives to Vegas the next day. What do I get for that?

posted by TrishaLynn 03 June | 12:47

SMITHFIELD BARBECUE

Anything after that, is gravy.

posted by bunnyfire 03 June | 13:17

SMITHFIELD BARBECUE

Anything after that, is gravy.

Amen! We ordered some as a taste test to see how it would hold up to shipping. He wanted Bojangles Chicken, but I think we are sticking with Smithfields.

And yes, we will get to see the swords. We are each picking out one we really like for ourselves and then giving it to the other to keep.

posted by evilcupcakes 03 June | 18:08

it's all going down on August 8th

Me too!

posted by dhruva 04 June | 09:43

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