s/on/off in first thing. SHIT I NEED TO READ BEFORE POSTING

Opalina ("Opie"): She's 18 years old this Friday. For her, breathing is interesting enough.

Stinkerbelle ("Stinky"): She stands on the edge of the bed and s t r e t c h e s so her front paws are on the windowsill -- but she has stubby legs, so she promptly falls to the floor. She hasn't caught on that the gap between bed and window is too wide.

Snowy ("Ironic cat"): crosses her front paws and poses like a supermodel.

Me-Me ("Meemerz"): Cleans my face. It's like dermabrasion, only cuter.

Boo (Kibby, Sweet Boo, Oodles) would force her way into the bathroom whenever anyone was in the shower and meow frantically as if to say, "You know you're standing in water, right? Are you SURE you want to be standing in water? What are you, crazy? It's WATER, for chrissakes!"

Nancy (The Nanimal, Nantastic, the Nanerator, Nubbins), a Japanese bobtail, would use the tiny hook at the end of her tater-tot-like nubbin-tail to anchor herself to the back of the couch, like a climber clamping down a rope.

Sid (Zorro, Sidney, Widget, Dumbass), a rangy black-and-white cat of undistinguished appearance, liked to jump in the tub (while it was full). Then he would do what we called "The Big Shoe Dance", which is kinda like jazz hands for cats.

Jack (El Gordo, He Who Must Be Obeyed) liked tomatoes, and would steal them from the kitchen counter. This freaked me out, because I thought tomatoes were one of those things cats should never, ever eat. But Jack weighed close to 20 pounds and lived to be 19 or so. I guess it didn't shorten his lifespan too badly.

Pi (Tiny Pi, or 3.14159) was compelled to seek the highest point in any room. She was an inveterate curtain-climber, top-of-the-door sitter, jump on your head at random kinda cat.

Current cat Al (Bunnycat, Punkin-head, Fluffy Lumpkins) spends all his time being effortlessly awesome.

Livia: to indicate WANT places one paw somewhere on my bare skin. Leaves there for 2-3 seconds. Then slowly, very slowly, produces claws. It's actually pretty terrifying.

Augustus: talks to himself. Constantly. Anything of interest, alarm, or food causes purrs, brrts, chirps, meows, whatever. Talks. To. Himself. He also plays fetch fairly well, will drop the ball in my hand, or if separated by a door, will play ping-pong.

Cats. ::twirls finger next to ear::

Fanty: is much like Augustus. He's such a chatterbox. He also grunts when he lands on something (bed, floor, chair, etc). His belly sways as he trots down the hall, chirping all the while, of course. If he had thumbs we'd all be in a world of hurt.

Mingo: is not the brightest bulb in the box. Lets the dog drag him around by the scruff of his neck. Has enough tail for two cats.

Oliver: is high on life, or crystal meth; I'm never sure which. Skinny weirdo who loves it when you put stuff on him (hats, necklaces, etc). He preens and makes sure the other cats know that he's the prettiest of them all.

Abigail: is the Empress of Everything; but I don't think the boys realise it.

Paul "Goombah Paulie" Planet: translates ancient greek

Whiskers Planet: screens calls for me

Aloysius: head-butts pretty hard. Loves to rub his face all over your face. Occasionally goes fucking crazy and indulgently makes out with the top/back of your head until your hair is stringy with cat spit and your forehead has scratches from where he was hugging onto it.

Exene: is just an emotional eater, which is to say that she'll wake me up in the middle of the night to drop a few pellets of cat food into her already full bowl.

Recently-deceased-Rambo: too many to mention.

Fry: loves to climb off the basement stairs onto the water and gas pipes to tiptoe over to the furnace duct. His glowing eyes glare at me as he bats my fingers, exactly once, no more.

Oscar: loves technology. Knows how to make the printer print the last thing it printed over and over again. Does this so as to have a fresh supply of paper to eat. Also eats books. Loves to walk on the keyboard when I am online and say "awgufpU" to people.

George: Would sit on my lap while I was eating dinner, only if broccoli was on the menu. Then a little paw would creeeeeep up over the side of the table and snag a piece. The meat, it would be ignored.

Willow is the youngest and she's never grown bigger than the size of a 6 month old kitten even though she's now 3 years old. She provides her own sound effects for every activity she engages in. Cascading trills for running through the house. Short, loud bursts of abbreviated meows for jumping and landing. Hmmphs for waiting to be petted. She's really only quiet when she's sleeping.

Sandy is the middle cat, adopted from a shelter. She's the most normal and doesn't really have too many weirdnesses other than being a mama's girl (she only sits with me and always looks alarmed when anyone else pets her or talks to her).

Cappy is the oldest, rescued from my inlaws' barn after she fell out of the hayloft and was abandoned by her mother. Even though we bottle-fed her and hand-raised her, she is the most standoffish and cranky cat imaginable. Her main weirdness is that she doesn't know how to meow. The most she can manage is kind of a glottal "murp." She's very OCD and will only drink moving water.

Not officially my cat, but the neighborhood cat is the most unusual I have ever met. If I am sitting on the porch, the cat will very assertively, and somewhat agressively, jump onto my lap, crouch onto his back legs, and expertly grab one of my hands with his paws and draw it to his head to pet him. Should he fail at this, he will headbutt endlessly. If you fail to obey his commands to love him, he will loose a rusty loud meow until you are forced to leave the porch. He will then continue to moan for another five minutes. I usually pet him as commanded, because he is nearly fourteen years old, and has earned the right to some lovin.

Just today today Whitey Ford pulled a pair of pants off the end of the bed and then took a cough drop off the bed side table and placed it on the pants. He then pulled the legs of the pants up over the candy and left a nice wrapped up bundle. I have no idea why he would do that.

Mia: came from a multi-pet household and I think associated more with the dogs back then. Runs like a little puppy (hindquarters go up and down) and not like a cat. She also likes to sit "like people" on the couch. Particularly to curl up next to my boyfriend and sit like I do, which creeps him out to no end, since she'll also shoot death glares at me while doing it. She's shaped, as a friend said, like "a watermelon with legs" since we were overfeeding her for a few months. (both my roommate and I were feeding her, thinking the other wasn't, since she finished her whole bowl of food almost as soon as we put it out. I think it was very "survival of the fastest" in her old home)

"I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food -- which they take for granted -- but his or her entertainment value."

Geoffrey Household, Rogue Male

I love this thread. Cats are such weirdos. Smooshie has lots of strange habits, but his latest is lying on the sofa on his back. He will do this for hours at a time.
≡ Click to see image ≡

Miss Puss likes snacking on processed cheese and bacon, and relishes licking espresso residue from empty coffee-cups. She dislikes walking on uneven surfaces.

Murphy enjoys licking and then biting people, or, sometimes, biting and then licking them. He has an unhealthy obsession with Q-tips. He carries his toys around the apartment like a dog.

Miss P needs to be near me when I sit on the couch, even when I'm trying to grade papers. Luckily, she is stagnant enough that I can turn her into a filing system as you can see here. ≡ Click to see image ≡

My cat does what amro's cat does, but only when he is very deeply asleep (during his morning sleep, his afternoon sleep or his night-time sleep). If he is this asleep, you can rub his belly and he will snore in response.

He flat-out refuses to walk on our deep-pile sheepskin rug and will take very elaborate steps to avoid going near it.

If mr alto and I go out for the evening, the cat will invariably be on my lap within 5 seconds of me sitting down on returning, and will want to sleep between us in bed that night, only stirring when breakfast seems imminent (i.e. when I get up).