In the realm of the practical: I've seen people have good results with keeping a gratitude journal, writing down five things every day for which they're grateful (and trying to make it five different things every day, no repeats). This is something I keep meaning to start, so I'm going to let your question inspire to go buy a journal today.

In the realm of the theoretical: I think, at the core, most actions come from either fear or love. One can consciously work on recognizing when one is acting from fear, and consciously choose instead to act from love. Which is one of those "Simple but not easy" propositions, but I've seem people make dramatic improvements in their own sense of wellbeing by working on that mental shift.

Convince yourself that you enjoy living as you do. Maybe you have to eat beans and rice instead of going to restaurants? You LOVE beans and rice, and are so lucky that you are getting to eat them so often.

Lucky guy!

It's sort of basic to the way I see things that I think if you're asking someone else how to thrive and be happy you're setting off on a fundamentally wrong way of getting there.

It's sort of basic to the way I see things that I think if you're asking someone else how to thrive and be happy you're setting off on a fundamentally wrong way of getting there.

Well, yes and no. All we can do is say "this is what worked for me" and see if something like that would work for j_p. Sometimes people need remindng of basic principles, sometimes they need practical step by step advice.

which were you looking for, j_p?

Another thing to remember is that constantly being in fight-or-flight mode (exactly what you're describing as "surviving") screws with one's biological ability to relax; we sometimes substitute adrenaline, stress, and caffeine for exercise, rest, and relaxation. It's fairly impossible to calm the mind if the body's all hyped up, and calming the body generally involves all those cliched-but-important things like regular sweat-producing exercise, getting enough sleep, not consuming too much caffeine, spending time in nature, spending time with friends, having at least some downtime that isn't dominated by tv or computer screens, and remembering to breathe, especially during times of stress. Self-talk along the lines of "I can handle this, it's ok" when stressful situations come up can also be helpful, and calming.

JP - this is the easiest and most rewarding way to do what you are asking:

FORGET YOURSELF.
Pick three things you can do in your community to help someone else out who desperately needs it. If you give five minutes to looking at what you love to do most in the world, there will be your answer in what to give to the world to make it a better place.

For me, this was volunteering with the Blue Ocean Society in Portsmouth to educate people about cleaning up after their dogs at the beach. It got me out of the house, on the beautiful beaches that are around here, and a solid reason to be around dogs when I can't own one myself. My passions were instantly married to a selfless act of compassion for others that instantly improved everyone's lives.

Another thing I've done is volunteer with NH For Healthcare Reform. I'm down now with the SEIU folks in promoting better healthcare initiatives as part of Obama's budget proposal and being groomed to take over Portsmouth as a territory leader, and possibly even getting a paid position down the line with them.

Again, my belief in making sure we all get our basic needs met is now married to making a vital difference in the town I live in.

The point here is, lose yourself in what you love. Put all that worry into the community. Take the sensitivity and give it to someone you don't know.

I guarantee the rewards given back to you in short order will make you realize you're Superman inside.

THERE IS NO WAY THAT THIS METHOD WILL EVER FAIL YOU. PERIOD.

Money. It's all about money. It's only if you have enough money to live comfortably when you can then think about embracing the rest of life. As the airlines say, put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others.

I sure know what you mean about the survival mentality.

The main thing is to never get excited about a "sure thing" until you've seen sure results.

Make sure that the FIRST thing you are seek in your career, living arrangements, car, and relationships is stability. Better to have two part-time jobs than one great-paying job that will only last 3 months. Stability is dull, but it will help you relax so that you can grow.

And practice preventive health care, especially if no health insurance.

how do you move from a survival mentality, focused on getting from day to day, to thriving, to a joyful embrace of all that life has to offer?

The first thing is to write that goal down and stick it somewhere you can see it every day. Over your computer. On the fridge. On top of the coffeemaker.

The second thing is to find some people who managed to do this. Who do you know, or who can you reach out to, that used to be sort of directionless and is now thriving as you want to? Identify the people who are living the way you'd like to, and then try to emulate what they do. It's fine to ask people how they got where they are - just keep the tone friendly and I'd-like-to-learn-from-you instead of stalkerish. Observe them - what they do with their time, how they make decisions - and try out the things they do.

One thing I've learned in life is that a lot of life skills that one could call 'basic training' just don't get shared with everyone, for whatever reason. You miss out on some of them. And the only way to get them after you're all grown up is to recognize what's missing, and pursue those skills with intentionality. So it's OK not just to learn from your self-selected target people, who are like what you want to be, but also from anything that can teach you - books, websites, therapists, Oprah, whatever. Take what you need, leave the rest.

Make sure that the FIRST thing you are seek in your career, living arrangements, car, and relationships is stability

This is so, so, so, so, so, so, so true that I'm quoting it for its true truthiness. Always living in panic mode, living in uncertainty all the time, being unable to make long-range plans -- this doesn't ever lead to growth or self-mastery. You can't build anything on wobbly, shifting ground. Not having stablity means you're always reacting, never acting. So do what you can to cover your basic needs for food, shelter, work, and health. After that, the sky becomes your limit. I'm not saying you need a lot of money; you just need to remove yourself from worrying about where the next month's rent is coming from, or how you're going to pay for that dental work, or whatever it may be. Free yourself from those preoccupations.

we sometimes substitute adrenaline, stress, and caffeine for exercise, rest, and relaxation
You say that like it's a bad thing ;-)

I would echo those who talk about stability. Not only with regard to financial security (although this is important), but in having the basics covered - a job that meets your basic needs and that you can reasonably rely on to still be there (I know what it's like to spend the weekend wondering if you job will still be there on Monday and it sure makes it hard to enjoy your downtime), a personal environment that allows yo to relax and be the person you want to be, enough of your favourite things at home so that you can escape the world when you're there and an appropriate (for you) group of friends that will support you through the inevitable bumpy patches.

I think, if you have those things, you can handle pretty much everything life throws at you. You may never have all the things you desire but, if you have all the things you need, you'll be OK anyway.

Learn to recognize opportunities. Always ask, "How I can I take advantage of this?" Realize that self-sufficiency is not greed. Reward does not come without risk.

Take in something that requires no spending or excess of thought. Exercise, a walk in the park, trip to the public library (Yikes! Humanity 2009!), journal what is good and bad (and shred it when you are done), or eat an easy fast food meal.

Sometimes, if done right; some of this stuff is like drugs without drugs. Surviving is thriving, average is excelling. I mean, you could have been a criminal, genuine needle-in-arm when you wake up drug addict, a thieving investment advisor, or all sorts of things. Modern media poisons our ideals of what success really is.

Drugs without drugs. Take a walk and enjoy spacing out for a few whiles. :)

Thank you for all of your suggestions.

And thanks for listening. I really appreciate it.

j_p, I wrote a long comment last night, then ditched it on preview because I thought the tone was off. Now I'm wishing I hadn't. I'll try to reconstruct it:

1) Per serena, Melismata, dg, Miko, et al: Some financial stability helps immensely. (I only learned this when I finally found a little.)

2) But (per Meatbomb and buzzman) that won't help if you get caught up in other people's distorted ideas of success.

3) Most important (per occhi, LT) is developing the habit of directing your attention to things that make you happy. One good way to do this is to surround yourself with people who do that. I love poor old DFW's words about this, and I passionately wish his screwed-up brain chemistry hadn't sabotaged his efforts:

Learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about quote the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master.

I did it through lots of therapy. I can't actually remember what sort of therapy beyond group and individual, as I was a young teenager (and it was provided to me free as a kid in care), but learning to trust others and recognising that other people are actually important to my well-being was integral. From this - involving myself in my various communities, working in a helping profession (which is, incidentally and happily, recession-proof) and letting myself enjoy my emotions, feelings and senses instead of always having to be in control of them.

I wish you all the best of luck and good fortune, j_p - you seem like a great guy and I know you've been looking for work for a long time now. Good vibes and intercessary entreaties coming your way.