This weekend I ... →[More:]... saw my sister for the first time in 18 months. The occasion was the wedding of a mutual friend, someone we've both known for 30 years.

The wedding was beautiful - a lovely old church in a little Derbyshire village, with the reception at a really gorgeous country house hotel, no expense spared (I even got to walk the red carpet - no photos, please!)

But my bitch-faced sister, however, to whom the invitation for both of us had been sent, did not tell me ("I forgot") that the evening reception was a formal affair for which the ladies were required to wear long evening gowns. This is even after we had discussed on the phone what we were both going to be wearing.

So I just wore a summer dress and jacket suitable for the wedding, and wondered why my sister had a garment bag with her. She said that it was in case she spilled something on her dress. Then after the meal, everyone went off to get changed - the women into their evening gowns and the men into their tuxes, and I, and one or two others who also didn't know, were left sitting there wondering what the hell was going on. My sister wore a dress that made me wonder if you can buy sausages with sequinned skins ... (I know, that was bitchy, but you should have seen her.)

So for the evening reception, I felt like a fish out of water in my day dress next to all the sequins, tulle and taffeta, but, unlike my sister, my behaviour and table manners were impeccable. She was texting people throughout the wedding ceremony, the reception, the speeches, the meal, the dance ... well, non-stop really. She eats like a pig, and her conversation with the other guests (many of whom she didn't know) was full of double-entendres and innuendo that was embarrassing.

But it was wonderful to be part of Val and John's wedding - they love each other so much, and Val looked gorgeous. She didn't care that I wasn't in an evening gown (and of course nobody was looking at me anyway).

But if it's another 18 months until I see my sister again, that'll be too soon.

This is tip of the iceberg stuff, as far as this weekend is concerned, but I won't bore you with any more of this vent ...