I walk around my neighborhood, without destination, often. Doing this, I've learned that four three-legged dogs live in my neighborhood because I see them being walked by their owners. The morning after I met the fourth three-legged dog, as I was walking to the bus, I saw a worker for the city writing tickets for cars which had not moved by 7:00am as required by the posted signed. As I got closer, I realized the man writing the tickets had only one leg. I was certain that, at any moment, David Lynch was going to spring out of the bushes and offer me pie.

On a drive from California to New Mexico several years ago, on a little state highway right over the Arizona-New Mexico border on a cloudless, moonless night, I pulled over to a pitch dark rest stop to take a leak.

While doing so, I looked up. And didn't stop looking for nearly 2 hours. Never before and never since have I seen the nighttime sky with such clarity and beauty. The Milky Way, almost perfectly bisecting the sky overhead, was so clear and well-defined I could perceive its depth, like so many cloud formations on a staggering scale. There were no recognizable constellations because of so many stars I'd never seen before. After only a few minutes, I realized my eyes had adjusted to seeing only by starlight, and seeing well by it. Every few seconds there was a shooting star somewhere in the sky. It was impossible to drink it all in, to take it all in.

Not little, not weird, but the reaction I had for the rest of the trip certainly was: giggling uncontrollably. It was an awesome hit of the best drug I've ever taken, that sky.

Not enough penises or one-legged dogs, WolfDaddy.

Poignant moments are a whole 'nother thread. I got some of those too.

Not enough penises or one-legged dogs, WolfDaddy.

I beg to differ. Read the right way, his story contains two whole hours of penis. (That's how I read it, anyway. While in the act, he looked into the night sky and was too captivated to zip up. Good thing it was dark and deserted, is all I have to say.)

mudpuppie got the subtext. I'm glad :-)

This one time? Traveling through New Mexico? We pull over at a rest stop, and we see this zoned-out guy acting a little weird, but we go on with our business - and then suddenly we realize that his fly is unzipped and ...something... is hanging out. We got out of there as quickly as we could. I'm still not sure if we were being flashed or it was just a really unfortunate pit stop pants accident.

taz, you just made me laugh so hard!

I was on an overnight layover in London and met a woman who lived down the street from my grandmother in Idaho, and was friends with her. I guess this stuff is weird to other people but it happens to me all the time.

The first story that came to mind is kind of inappropriate, so here's the second story that came to mind:

About 15 years ago we were out in Death Valley, California, driving from Las Vegas to Sequoia National Park. There was a visitors' center along the roadside down in the middle of the valley, so we stopped in, hoping for air conditioning (the temp that day was around 120F/49C) and also just out of curiosity.

It was almost closing time for the visitors' center, and there was a park ranger who went on the public address system every 5 minutes or so to let everyone know (all 6 or 7 people that were there) they'd be closing in about 15 minutes. And every time, he'd work in a line from a Talking Heads song:

"The center will be closing at 6 PM this evening. This is not your beautiful house; this is not your beautiful wife."

"We'll be closing in 10 minutes. This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no fooling around."

I loved it, but it was a little weird.

Closing time will be at 6 PM this evening, same as it ever was.

That may be one he used, taz. There were several, and I got progressively more cracked up the longer it went on.

The other day, a girl I know knocked on my door, asked if I had a hair dryer, and informed me that her dad was in town and might be using the bathroom and stuff, just so I didn't think it was odd that there was a man in our all-girls (by coincidence, not on purpose) suite.

The weird part was that I didn't know she lived on my floor (which is only eight rooms!), and she'd been living here all semester. I've never run across her in the bathroom or anything. There was an awkward, confusing moment while I tried to figure out why someone I consider an acquaintance was acting so familiar out of the blue.

BoPo, that's fan-fucking-tastic.

There's a kid...probably around 10-12 years old I'd guess, who lives sort of around the corner from me. Some mornings, as I head out to take my girls to school, I head his way so I can pick up a coffee on the way. He's usually out waiting for his school bus around this time.

This kid...well, he is always doing some sort of dance/acting/performance art, while standing on the sidewalk of a fairly busy residential street. He gesticulates wildly, spins, hops, all sorts of wonderful movement.

It's really kind of fantastic in a way.

I was in a bar one time with MuddDude and some friends. We started chatting with this (very drunk!) guy who claimed to have 5 degrees and work for the forest service and some mercenary company like Blackwater. He spun a lot of tall tales that night, like "Did y'all know that 'Jaegermeister' means 'Drunk Master?'" He even bought us a round or two. At one point, he said he had to have a smoke, and asked if we'd watch his drink for him. We waited in that bar for 30 minutes or so and he never came back, and he wasn't standing outside with the other smokers when we left.

A long time ago, I was flying to Germany on an 8:15 am flight. I was crashing with my sis the night before because she offered to give me a ride in the morning. I woke up late (7ish), finished packing and we raced out the door. Got to the airport at 7:50 and I hopped out at the curb hoping to check in. United refused to let me do that for an international flight.

At this point I didn't really care. I knew that I could charm the ticket agent into putting me on the next flight with no penalty. So I walked over to the United line and stood behind 15 other people (8:04 am). My sis, who was 8 months pregnant at that time, came over and started yelling at me for being so irresponsible. Soon an official looking dude from United showed up and asked me where I was headed. I said, oh it doesn't matter, my flight leaves in a few minutes. He then asked to see my passport. I didn't think much about it and just gave it to him. He came back in two minutes and told me that I was being checked in and I should go up to the counter with my bags. The agent quickly gave me my boarding pass and asked me to run to the gate.

I didn't really process any of this (didn't have my coffee yet). I quickly said thanks to the United guy and was about to book when he grabbed my arm and said something like "Hey buddy. I know you're really stressed out about being a father. I was there. Trust me, when you see that kids face, you'll know what to do. congratulations!"

I wanted to say oh um you got it all wrong she's my..ummm.. instead just said hey thanks and ran. The flight then sat on the runway for 2.5 hours because we missed our spot on the take off cue. So much for getting on that flight.

Little weird things? My whole life is one big little weird thing. Today I tripped on the carpet, not over it, over absolutely nothing in fact. Thankfully no one saw it. Yesterday morning, while coming out of the break room at work, I saw my crush and said, "so, you put in a long day at work yesterday, huh?" And he looked blankly at me and the mug I was holding and said, "So, you've gotten your coffee already?" (He knows that I never drink coffee. The mug contained oatmeal, like it always does.) The day before that, I spent more than an hour asking another engineer how an aspect of a product worked, since I needed to write about it for the manual. I wrote up a draft and he looked at it and said, "no, that isn't what I meant at all. It's entirely wrong." And the day before that, my mother went on and on about how she was convinced that my sister and nephew moved 3,000 miles away specifically to piss her off. I could go on.

I had a sudden attack of morning sickness strike while I was driving home after picking up dinner. Half a milkshake all over me. I pull over to a side street, sobbing, then remember I have a gallon of water in the trunk for when the radiator starts to go wonky.

I get out, unlock the trunk, put the keys down on the lip of the trunk, get the water then wash myself off. By this time I've calmed down a little, but it's 85 degrees out, I'm sticky, and I have a headache.

I close the trunk and head to the car door. I check for my car keys and they're not in my shorts without pockets, or my hand. They're stuck on the lid of the trunk.

Some cars have a way to lower the back seat in order to put long stuff in the trunk. This wasn't one of them. About 20 minutes later, it was. I couldn't cut a big enough hole to crawl into the trunk, but I was able to bend a hanger and reach in and detach the right keys (thank dog for detachable keyrings) and open the trunk and go home.

I used to live in San Francisco, and one morning during my commute, a man got on the bus and was very wrapped up in something only he could see. He had a manic grin on his face and was obviously playing with an invisible object that absorbed his entire attention.

He sat down next to a very stuffy-looking business woman, and continued on playing with his unseen toy.

At one point, though, he looked up at her and with this "this is the best thing ever" kid's smile, leaned over and GAVE HIS INVISIBLE TOY to the woman.

And she accepted it, turned it over to examine it, even held it up to the light for a better look. She then smiled in approval to the man, handed the Invisible Toy back to him, they both had this look like "yeah, you know now, hunh?" and that was that.

"Hey buddy. I know you're really stressed out about being a father. I was there. Trust me, when you see that kids face, you'll know what to do. congratulations!"

Ha! When you told your sister this story, did she make that sibling-specific eeeeew face?

Ha! When you told your sister this story, did she make that sibling-specific eeeeew face?

Totally. I asked her for a ride a few years after that (another morning flight) and she said "You know I'm not pregnant again, right? Are you really planning to be up on time?"

One New Year's (in the pre-cell-phone era), after a party, a friend and I decided to drive to the ocean (about 2.5 hrs) to see the sun rise on the new year.

It is still dark when we arrive, and I drive out on the beach. I notice there is one other car on the beach. Eventually I see, in the glow of red taillights, that people are trying to push said car.

I drive over and find some teenagers stuck in the sand and the tide's coming in. I zoom to the police station and they call the tow truck. Truck races to the beach, hooks on to the car and yanks it out of the sand just as the waves start to wash up under the front tires.

Later, we head for home. Driving down the two-lane highway (which we have all to ourselves) we spot a family walking on the shoulder. I pull over. Young parents with little kids (freezing in pajamas) on their way to grandma's house when the car broke down. We load them into the back and take them where they were going.

One of the most memorable New Year's Days ever.

Driving home for my sister's funeral, my then-husband and I both locked our keys in the car when we stopped for a pee break in Nenana. Nenana is 60 miles south of Fairbanks, 100 miles north of Denali Park and Mt McKinley. Lots of miles from anywhere.

We called the police station and the chief of police told us that Billy Jo had borrowed the slim jim. We had to wait two hours while someone tracked down Billy Jo, who then had to find the slim jim to break into our car.

I get asked for directions. All the time. I'm not kidding - no matter what city I am in someone will stop me and ask me for directions. Once a Japanese salaryman crossed the road ignored many other Japanese people to ask me where a building was in Tokyo.

Maybe what is even weirder is that I always seem to know. And if I don't I usually have a map in my bag I can whip out.

Years and years ago I worked third shift at a grocery store in Sarasota, Fl. One night two people, a guy and a girl came thru my line, in costume. I, in an attempt to be friendly, asked them what they were wearing. The guy, smiled, said, "Nothing!" and dropped trou right in front of me giving me full frontal view if you know what I mean (and I know you do.)

During that same job, some guy came thru my line claiming to be some comedy actor on a show that was an imitation of Saturday Night Live (this was about 1980 or so. Might have been called Fridays, I don't know. Never saw the show as I was either at work or at home with crappy reception.) The guy was acting like a total weirdo, grabbing my arm, and doing a fairly good imitation of a minorly famous individual being a duckhead. (I have no idea if he was who he said he was.)

Years later, after I had managed to ditch all my crappy third shift jobs, I sold Avon for extra money. One night I was hanging out at one of the Waffle Houses I had previously worked at, bringing Avon orders to the waitresses and having a cup of coffee. When I had walked in I had noticed a cab outside with a man standing beside it, waiting. I figured he was waiting for the cabbie to come back out.

Meanwhile, I was in, having coffee and conversation...only a few people were there, one a single individual sitting at the far booth with his back against the wall, minding his own business. He eventually came up to the register to pay his bill whereupon another customer came up to him, fawning and scraping and asking for an autograph.

Turns out he was one of the band members in Metallica, and the man outside was the cabbie, waiting for Mr. Rockstar to finish his grub and go to his next destination.

LT, I love that story.

Oh, Gomichild, I get the same thing! I'm asked for directions even when I'm a tourist. I'm asked from cars when I'm walking down the street. I get asked on public transit. I'm asked when I've obviously got headphones on. I'm singled out and asked when I'm in a group. I wish I could figure out what it is about my face that causes this. (I don't mind at all, I just don't think of myself as particularly inviting.)

LT: that is a great story.

Speaking of keys. A friend and I went to another friend's condo one winter day, snow up to our knees. My friend parked his car on a side street, we walked two blocks to my sister's condo, stayed a while, got ready to leave and he couldn't find his keys. We checked all our pockets, retraced our route to the car (watching the sidewalk), looked inside the car, searched high and low. No keys. Fortunately, I had the spare key to the car.

Two months later, it was spring. My friend was walking down the block, going back to visit, when SMACK! something hit him in the face. He looked up, and there were his keys, hanging from a low branch of a tree.

I get asked for directions. All the time. I'm not kidding - no matter what city I am in someone will stop me and ask me for directions.

Me too! And the ironic thing is that I am horrible at directions! I never know where I am! We must look like a friendly bunch.

What is weird is that I know I have weird stories, I just can't think of any right now (and it's the next day so so what).