Wuffles to you. As for "I just want this person who has suffered on account of my actions to let me MAKE RIGHT" Let it go. She is too far out there to bother with. You made a mistake and I could see being upset about cat pee on the bed but "because she knows its a greater punishment to let us suffer" Fuck 'er!

Here is a glass full of whuffles.

If it makes you feel any better, lemme tell you this story: my friend/roommate who moved out because he is now studying abroad brought a friend over the other night. They were both pretty drunk, and my roommates were too. I was not. And after hanging out and chatting for a bit I briefly went in my room. As I entered my room, I heard roommate's friend say "I'm going to pee on his bed."

Roommate's friend is kind of a wild girl, definitely one who is just One Of The Guys, and so I just thought this was talk and laughed it off.

Five minutes later I was informed by my roommates that she did indeed urinate on the bed of the guy who moved in to my ex-roommate's room.
For no apparent reason.

I don't know if he found out yet. He hasn't mentioned it. I'm going to play it off like I don't know anything, because apparently all my other roommates just let it happen. Oy.

So. It could be a BIT worse.
If not worse, then a lot stranger.

;( whuffles to both of you. sometimes people suck.

"she did indeed urinate on the bed of the guy who moved in to my ex-roommate's room"

She's a keeper!

"she did indeed urinate on the bed of the guy who moved in to my ex-roommate's room"

She's a keeper!

ROFL!!!11 See? AWESOME!

citrusfreak - o_0

eep.

sakura, at first I thought it was your cat that locked in the roommate's room - but it's the roommate's cat that got locked in her room, right?

So, she's apparently thinking that this is your passive-aggressive way of saying you don't like the cat or don't want the cat in the rest of the house or something?

If I'm reading this right, I'm not sure there's much you can do, other than what you've already offered. I've found that when people have this way of expressing their anger themselves, they often don't understand that someone else wouldn't be so oblique, and so often interpret completely innocent things as carrying a message. Accidentally dropping their bottle of vodka means you think they drink too much... washing something of theirs means you think they are smelly and disgusting... mistakenly erasing a voicemail from their boy/girlfriend means you hate their boy/girlfriend, etc.

The thing I do when I sense someone may be reading things into any of my actions (or lack of action) is to tell them that I don't communicate that way and that I'm never going to be sending them "coded" messages by whatever I do. Still, I don't think this is very effective because while they might keep that in mind for a period of time, it's very easy to revert to interpreting things as you yourself would mean them. In fact, I'm totally sure that I miss all kinds of passive-aggressive signals because I'm not attuned like that. (There must be some other word for this - not everything is aggressive... some unclear "passive" behaviors are requests for attention or a certain kind of response.)

So, *whuffles* - but don't spend too much time worrying... it's one of those things.

She's probably unhappy in general and just wants to shut you out and get out of the house. Let her go and don't fight it. The cat issue was most likely just the thing she could latch on to to make a move she probably already wanted to make. Just write the whole thing off - the roommate relationship can be difficult, and you can't relate to her normally if she won't let you. Don't worry about the cat thing. She just wants out, couldn't say it, and this is her way of making it not her decision but a reaction to you. Face it with equanimity, give her whatever she asks for in refunds/security, and good riddance.

"I'm sorry you're so angry. I didn't lock the cat in your room deliberately - I like the cat and it was a total accident that he got shut in. I've offered to make good the damage he caused and I'm sorry you find that offer unacceptable. I don't know what else I can do other than to replace your bedding and hope that we can be on amicable terms again."

And to clarify, we closed the door to her room to keep the bun from going in there and leaving pellets on the floor. It was an innocent mistake, based on consideration for her needs, and it backfired.

She is poopy. You are good. Here are whuffles.

Poor sakura spent most of the day in tears because of this incident.

OMG she sounds like a total drama queen. You made a mistake, you are human and we tend to do that. It doesn't sound like anything you did was motivated by malice or actual negligence, and it's not like your actions resulted in the death of the cat or permanent property damage. I don't know where you found this person, but she sounds like she is used to controlling people with this sort of false victim behavior. She needs to grow up and get over herself.

I have a rule of thumb when I screw something up: I apologize until I feel like I have said it as much as I feel it, I offer to correct the situation in any way that I can, I give the person some room to be mad at me for a while, and then I am done with it. If they can forgive me and move on, great. If not, fuck 'em. There is only so much you can do. I have actually found some people are appreciative of being told, "You know what? I made a mistake, I am deeply sorry, but I am done apologizing. I will fix this any way I can, but you constantly harping on it isn't going to fix anything."

I think EJ has it. There was no malice here. It's something that's fixable. If the roommate refuses to have it fixed, well, she's choosing drama queenery over a solution. That's her choice.

I'm also wondering, is this the same roommate that Pie had a while back? The one who has an account here? If so, this might be a tad... I dunno. Weird?

(((sakura)))

Pure drama queen. Honestly, it sounds like the best way to deal with this is give a straightforward apology, help her move out, and move on.

You're a good person for wanting to make this right. Now it's time to accept that nothing will make it right for her, possibly because this has nothing to do with the specific "cat peeing on bed" situation and everything to do with her own mental state.

Ooof! I hope my comment didn't come off as "sakura is a drama queen", because of course that's not so. I was referring to the roommate, who sounds like she's probably dealing with a lot right now (but does not excuse passive aggressiveness).

My diagnosis is this is not about the cat nor the pee.

She must have some sort of crap going on in the rest of her life and is unfairly taking it out on you.

Quit feeling guilty, don't let her make you feel bad one more stinking minute, and....let me know where to dump this truckload of whuffles out. Back yard? Front yard? On your noggin?

(You sound like a total sweetheart. She'll miss that one day.)

Thanks, everyone. I shall plant these wuffles in my backyard and distribute the fruits as needed. :)

I don't want to make her out to be a bad person. She is very tidy and a great baker. Beyond that, I know very little about her, or her life. Really, I feel like that is the greatest tradgedy. We never talk unless something is wrong, so it feels like something is ALWAYS wrong. :(

I really think this is going to work out for the best. I just wish it were under better circumstances. On the plus side, it looks like the cat will be allowed to roam after all. :) He really is a sweetheart.

Pup, my old roomie Kelly moved out a year ago to go and live with her fiance. I miss her a lot. It was like having a little sister around. We'd go out for beers, and on occasion, we'd put on cat ears and watch episodes of live-action Sailor Moon.