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07 January 2009

Ask Mecha :Help! with wedding venue Long Post is Long...[More:]Pie and I are working on picking our date and venue. I'll try to just present facts, as this is a somewhat emotional issue.

1. We need to have the wedding far enough out to allow my family to save up for plane tickets from Illinois.

The tentative date is May 29, 2010. This is the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. (Three day weekend in the U.S.)
This is an on-season date, and is available.

2. One of us wants the wedding outdoors, one of us wants it indoors. Neither of us will budge on this. We have compromised on The Portland Chinese Classical Garden.

3. One of us has a more traditional view of weddings, wherein the ceremony is tantamount and should determine the venue. The other is more interested in the quality of the reception venue, as people will be invited literally from all over the world. Balancing the beauty of the ceremony and the enjoyment of the reception is REALLY important for us to feel this is OUR wedding.

4. I already have a satin wedding gown which will require protection from the elements. Also, the men will be in dress suits, and the "Best Woman" in a formal gown. We're fully agreed on the clothing.

5. The current guest list includes 65 people, some of whom will obviously decline.

6. The off and on season prices are both fairly reasonable, as both the wedding and reception will be held there. However, money is tight with an unemployed Pie and a school-bound Sakura.

7. The Garden fills up FAST, so we need to make a decision soon. We have to put down half the rental fee when we book.

Here's the problem - The garden is the perfect blend of indoor and outdoor, but it has no roof over most of the area. It has intermittent pagodas and a tea house where people can hang out under roofs.

It costs half as much to do a wedding in the rainy off season, and the tea house is included so there is refuge from the rain. However, some less adventurous guests might shy away from enjoying the garden if it's wet.

Also, the off season limits the party to 50 people. That shouldn't be a problem unless everyone shows, but might as we continue to create the list.

So...

Do we
a. risk the rain and have an off-season wedding?

b. don't risk it. Pay the extra to ensure that people can enjoy the whole venue, wedding and reception?

c. find a different venue?

Hopefully, I've been fair to both sides.
Is there any insurance at all that it won't rain during the nice season? I once went to a beautiful August wedding in a garden setting just like this, and it poured buckets. Same with another early September (dry season) wedding. You're going to have enough to freak out about without worrying about the weather, so give yourself whatever you need to feel totally comfortable with the event.

If you're going to get wet in that venue if it rains, accept it no matter when you plan for the wedding - the one I went to in August was really nice even though it was pouring - some people braved the garden and many didn't, so be it, and we all got a little damp. There was a rainbow at the end.

Imagine the worst-case weather scenario, and plan for that - that way you'll be copacetic no matter what happens and you might actually get a nice day.
posted by Miko 07 January | 14:26
Thanks, Miko! I forgot to mention - while Oregon is a rainy state in the winter, traditionally we have droughts in the summer. It's very dry June through August, so the risk of rain is considerably less in the on season.
posted by sakura 07 January | 14:36
I'm not a wedding person, but my take is this: This far out, you're already thinking about little details. You will get more and more focused (i.e., worried) on those details over the next 17 months. You will obsess on details, and you will panic over them.

I say you open yourself up to details you have control over, and avoid details that you can't control -- like the weather. Come on, you're in Portland. It rains in Portland. Portland rains recreationally. You plan the thing outdoors, with no provision for shelter, and you're almost certainly going to get wet.

Recognize this now so that the person who won't budge on being outside can gently begin to soften his/her position, or y'all can make arrangements to have the ceremony in a sunnier locale.

In the end, if you get married soaking wet, the worst you'll take away is some wet clothes and a good story.

But if you're going for the perfect story, do the whole thing under a tent, at the very least.
posted by mudpuppie 07 January | 14:36
If you can go for mid-May, that would give you good weather (probably) and still off season rates.

Our wedding was May 21 and it was 91 degrees! It also rains a bit in June, and I would say that May and June are (in my opinion) equally dicey.

So, I would roll the dice and go for May, if that is still possible.
posted by danf 07 January | 15:04
Shit...
I'm an idiot...

I was just checking on which months fall into what category for a friend...

Spring and fall are half off summer months' price. No tea house included, but MAY COUNTS AS SPRING.

I'm going to go bury myself under my desk now. We'll be booking the garden at our visit on the 18th.

It's amazing how this stuff works itself out. No more sweating it, promise. :P
posted by sakura 07 January | 15:17
Glad it worked out!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 07 January | 15:22
No more sweating it, promise.

bwahahahaha!

Or, what mudpuppie said.
posted by Miko 07 January | 15:25
My view is probably skewed. I got married in Chicago in mid-September. Typically not the wettest time of the year for this area of the country - we had hopes for good weather.

My wedding day ended up being the rainiest day in the history of Chicago. Literally the rainiest day ever, with almost six and a half inches of rain.

I was so, so glad that we had chosen an indoor venue, that our ceremony and reception was in one place, and that we had indoor options for photo-taking. My dad said there was a bride and groom out there in the pouring rain with umbrellas getting their pictures taken on the steps of the Art Institute.

I will tell you this, no matter how chill you are about the wedding thing (and everyone said I was the most laid-back bride they'd ever seen), you will be really stressed and anxious right before the wedding. There are a million little details to worry about. I can't imagine dealing with the stress of weather what-ifs on top of that. Even I had to have my mini-breakdown when the weather reports turned ugly, because I had wanted our out of town family to be able to explore and enjoy our beautiful city.

Gah! On preview, never mind! Glad it worked out and best wishes!!
posted by misskaz 07 January | 15:41
I got married in Lake Tahoe in July in the middle of a drought. It still rained for half an hour at my wedding - the guests hid out by the bar and I hid out under a lawn umbrella.

In other words, no matter when you hold the wedding, if you have any part of it outside you need to plan for rain.
posted by muddgirl 07 January | 16:37
Thanks for all the thoughtful comments. :)

Don't worry - we'll plan for rain either way. The real difference it between "there WILL be rain" and "there a slight chance there MIGHT be rain."

BTW - I'm an event planner for the anime community in my spare time, so venue booking was the first thing I jumped to. After missing out on some great venues, we learned a year ahead was cutting it fine.

We're pretty laid back on the details.
posted by sakura 07 January | 16:43
The good thing is, and I was told this many MANY times, is that they say rain on your wedding day is good luck. :)
posted by misskaz 07 January | 17:11
Got married in June outside in Arkansas. The chances of rain that weekend were very high. The alternative was that it was going to be very hot and humid. We got very lucky in that it didn't rain and was only around 90F and lots of trees for shade. Our wedding and reception were VERY laid-back, though, and we had a not-as-pretty indoor venue as backup. It was the place that we had already set for the after-party.

What we figured was, at the end of the day, we'd be married. And if funny stories arose, all the better. I mean, something is going to go wrong, right?

So, if it helps set your mind at ease, here are the bad and funny things that happened:

I forgot to spit out my gum before the ceremony and had to swallow it without choking or anyone noticing. Considering the nerves, that was a good trick. My daughter was running around outdoors during the reception and got stung on her toe by a bee. She had already gotten the stinger out by the time she got back to the wedding group, not far, but far enough that she'd been walking on it a ways. A doctor, a nurse, and I all looked at it, said "get some ice on that," and went on. The nurse asked me if she was allergic. My response, "I guess we'll find out soon enough." Apparently, she isn't. She was off playing (still barefoot! WTF?) again in 15 minutes. Yay!

Oh, and a bunch of us got really, REALLY sunburned in amusing patterns. My white spot on my chest from the necklace I'd borrowed last minute from my mom. One guy's oddly-shaped sunglasses. Fun stories arose about that at the after-AFTER-party that went on until about 5am. It was like comparing battle wounds. :)

My long-winded, very-hyphenated point is:
Expect there to be mistakes and problems. It won't be the end of the world or your marriage if things don't happen perfectly. Consider it like New Year's Eve. You know how the saying goes that how you spend that night affects the next year? Well, the way I looked at it, the way I spent my wedding day might just affect the marriage. So, I decided to roll with it and just be happy about marrying my husband.

We got tons of compliments on our wedding celebration, btw. Mostly because it was fun and relaxed.

I wish you both the best for both the planning and the marriage. From what I can tell, the planning is like running some awful, but brief, gauntlet. The marriage, well, that's like running a long, long marathon.
posted by lilywing13 08 January | 04:49
First, let me give utmost thanks to all of you for your advice.

However-

I have to admit that I feel like I've misrepresented myself...

I don't care if random baby's breath shows up in my flowers, or the world is inexplicably devoid of butter mints the day of my wedding. I'm not a details person, and if shit goes wrong, I'm a big enough girl to realize I'm probably the only one who will notice. Like my dad says, "If no one is dead, it can be fixed."

I was really just seeking a third party p.o.v. on a single question - Is a heavy chance of rain something worth avoiding for an outdoor wedding if the cost is substantially higher?

Again, I really appreciate your assurances, but srsly, I'm not worried. We're signing the venue contract on the 18th at a good rate, have our officiant secured (my good friend is licensed), and selecting the caterer will be pretty easy, as the garden limits it to five providers. (Can you do mash-potato martinis? Cool!) Everything else is just details. :)
posted by sakura 09 January | 14:26
What date did you land on?
posted by danf 09 January | 14:32
May 29, 2010. It's the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. 2 days before they jack the rate, and much less likely to produce rain than, say, November. Also, a lot of the garden will be coming into bloom! Should be really pretty.

We'll be asking what other folks do when it rains when we do our tour. I'm certain they have a plan B. :)
posted by sakura 09 January | 14:39
May 29, 2010.


OMG. . you probably did not realize that this is the exact END OF DAYS on the Borgonian Calendar. . .

Now that you know, you'll possibly go for sometime in late '09.
posted by danf 09 January | 14:43
*snort!*

OMG, you cannot understand how full of win and awesome you are right now, danf. :D

Here, take my internets. And cookies. All of them.
posted by sakura 09 January | 14:49
So y'all, and Pup in particular, I think what my sweetie need you to understand is that she's really just focusing on the three variables which we can control, and by getting them locked in now, we won't have to stress later. She was a little miffed b/c she doesn't want people to stereotype her as a 'bridezilla.' Especially as the systematic work a year + in advance is precisely what prevents that sort of behavior. ;)
posted by pieisexactlythree 09 January | 15:01
Meaning that Tokyo Harbor was already booked?
posted by danf 09 January | 17:05
wha?
posted by sakura 09 January | 17:12
No worries, sakura. I booked a bunch of stuff 1 year in advance then did nothing for, oh, 11 months or so. :)

I was the complete opposite of a bridezilla, yet I still got a little upset when things went wrong day-of. Not the rain, but the fact that I let the coordinator buy way too much liquor, and the fact I forgot to tell anyone to serve the top layer of the cake (so we had to eat the whole thing the next day, and it was all melted and gross), and the fact that we gave an impromptu speech that was way drunken and rambling. The weird thing is that I didn't start getting upset about it until a few weeks after my honeymoon, when I was looking back over the pictures.
posted by muddgirl 09 January | 17:35
HAHA I'm working the impending melt-down into the schedule! lol

I should take bets on the worst thing that will happen...

Mine's on Pie-sis either getting Pie plastered night before wedding, or sneaking off to the night club before her speech 'cause the reception is just too boring. :) Neither of which is traumatizing, even with her serving as "Best Woman".
posted by sakura 09 January | 17:43
Meaning that Tokyo Harbor was already booked?


Honey, you call yourself a Japanophile?
≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by pieisexactlythree 09 January | 17:48
I didn't even mention the fact that someone served 'Dude a huge tequila shot right before we took a long, bumpy limo ride through the mountains, which culminated in him puking on my feet. But that story is more "charmingly awkward".
posted by muddgirl 09 January | 18:11
One week in, how's the new year treating you? (Multipoint update.) || Yet another federal bailout

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