MetaChat - FAMILY HOLIDAY DRAMA SHOUTING THREAD

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20 December 2008

FAMILY HOLIDAY DRAMA SHOUTING THREAD →[More:]A MONTH AGO, I TOLD MY DAD THAT I HAD TO WORK ON CHRISTMAS EVE. HE NEVER TOLD MY STEPMOM AND NOW DENIES HAVING THE CONVERSATION. SO SHE IS PISSED THAT SHE MADE PLANS AND I CAN'T COME. I OFFERED TO COME AFTER WORK (WHICH IS TWO HOURS FROM THEIR HOUSE) BUT EVERYONE WILL BE GONE. WE WILL SEE THEM ON CHRISTMAS DAY ANYWAY (DIFFERENT FAMILY GATHERING) BUT SHE'S ALL OMG THIS IS PRECIOUS FAMILY RITUAL AND YOU ARE SPOILING IT FOR EVERYONE!!!11!!

post by: desjardins at: 13:16 | 43 comments

That's why I make sure to do all my holiday planning via email.

posted by octothorpe 20 December | 13:43

Sadly the truth is, usually social arrangements and plans have to be communicated to the female in the family. I'm not trying to be sexist, just realistic. I have gone to telling folks that if they want my husband to be somewhere at a certain time it might behoove them to let me know.

But let me balance that by saying, what is wrong with people? If you have to work, you have to work!!!!! Certainly she can get over it?

posted by bunnyfire 20 December | 13:48

I'd dispute that generalization bf. My family's organization has gone to hell since my dad died, neither my mom or step-mom picked up the slack. And my wife's dad is famous/notorious for being their family's tour director.

posted by octothorpe 20 December | 14:00

BUT SHE'S ALL OMG THIS IS PRECIOUS FAMILY RITUAL AND YOU ARE SPOILING IT FOR EVERYONE!!!11!!

If you have the desire to change your Christmas routine, here is a great chance to say (but more delicately) "Yup. Get used to it."

That's what we did this year. It's liberating.

Oh, shouting! Can do!

PLEASE, PEOPLE, YOU HAVE TO LET ME KNOW WHERE AND WHEN IF YOU EXPECT ME TO SHOW UP FOR THE FESTIVIES, AND IF YOU DON'T LET ME KNOW UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE, I HAVE PROBABLY MADE OTHER PLANS. ESPECIALLY AT THE END OF DECEMBER. BECAUSE DUH.

posted by Elsa 20 December | 14:07

I'll shout too...

ROOMMATE'S FATHER, GET OFF HER CASE AND CHILL OUT. QUIT SULKING. SHE'S UPSET.

BOYFRIEND'S DIVORCED PARENTS, YOU'RE INSENSITIVE AND NEEDY AND YOU'RE RUINING HIS CHRISTMAS. GET YOURSELVES TOGETHER... QUIT DRAGGING HIM THROUGH YOUR NEVERENDING EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS!

My parents, I don't talk to you. I'm grateful.

posted by halonine 20 December | 14:17

I'M JUST. . .NOT GONNA GO.

posted by rainbaby 20 December | 14:29

OK, me too.

SIS, I KNOW YOU'RE INFINITELY MORE SWAMPED THEN I AM AND I LOVE YOU LIKE THE DICKENS; HAVING SAID THAT, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ANSWER MY FOURTH OR FIFTH EMAIL REGARDING A) WHEN YOU WILL BE AROUND TODAY SO I CAN DROP OFF NEPHEWS' PRESENTS AND B) WHETHER YOU HAVE A WINTER COAT I CAN BORROW BEFORE WE LEAVE TOWN TOMORROW!!!! BECAUSE I HAVE A MILLION THINGS TO DO TODAY, TOO, SO YOUR ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS WILL AFFECT THE TIMING AND CONTENT OF THE REST OF MY TO-DO LIST!!!! AND IF YOU'RE PLANNING ON WAITING TO CALL ME AND INVITING ME OVER AT THE LAST MINUTE TONIGHT, IT WILL BE TOO LATE BECAUSE I AM GOING OUT WITH BEST FRIEND FOR HER BIRTHDAY AND THEN WE LEAVE IN THE MORNING!!!!!!

posted by scody 20 December | 14:33

I think our family plans have gone from my father and his girlfriend hosting a lasagna (?!) dinner for both families to some of us getting together for poker Wednesday night, bring a snack.

posted by Ardiril 20 December | 14:47

THANK YOU SIS-IN-LAW FOR PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY INVITING YOURSELF TO CARPOOL WITH ME JUST SO YOU AND MY BROTHER CAN DRINK ON CHRISTMAS EVE, KNOWING FULL WELL THAT I WILL HAVE ALREADY DRIVEN 4+ HOURS TO TOWN THEN ANOTHER HALF HOUR TO GET TO THE FESTIVITIES.

posted by rhapsodie 20 December | 14:53

I think, bunnyfire, the better generalization in this scenario is if someone needs to communicate something, s/he should do it personally.

posted by Ardiril 20 December | 14:55

Well, presumably if her dad and stepmother are hosting something, then telling her dad her schedule is, in fact, communicating personally.

I DON'T HAVE EXCLUSIVELY FAMILY-RELATED DRAMA TO SHOUT ABOUT, BUT I REALLY JUST FUCKING HATE THE FUCKING HOLIDAYS BECAUSE I CAN'T DEAL WITH ALL THIS STUPID STRESS. I WOULD BOYCOTT, EXCEPT THAT I KEEP VOLUNTEERING TO HOST CHRISTMAS, WHICH I GUESS IS PROBABLY LESS STRESSFUL THAN NEEDING TO TRAVEL ANYWHERE, BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I JUST WANT TO SKIP DECEMBER EVERY YEAR. AND NOVEMBER. AND JANUARY, FOR GOOD MEASURE.

posted by occhiblu 20 December | 15:03

I LOVE MY FAMILY AND HAVE NO DRAMA! IN FACT, THIS HAS BEEN A RELATIVELY STRESS-FREE CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I FINALLY STOPPED TRYING TO DELEGATE AND JUST DID EVERYTHING MY DAMN SELF. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? DOING ABSOLUTELY EVERY CHRISTMAS-RELATED TASK, BIG AND SMALL, WITH NO HELP OR INPUT WHATSOEVER IS ABOUT HALF AS MUCH WORK AS ASKING FOR HELP. COUNTER INTUITIVE, BUT COMPLETELY TRUE.

Also, Santa just came by on the firetruck and gave the kids candy and oranges. Does anyone else live in an area where Santa comes by on a firetruck? It's pretty common in these parts. And awesome.

posted by jrossi4r 20 December | 15:13

We had quite a bit of the holiday family drama while we were growing up -- having to visit this family member, then that family member, making sure that all the presents were packed. It was very stressful for my parents and not all that much fun for everyone.

My sister decided, as an adult with a family of her own, to minimize the family drama by staying home on Christmas day. If you want to drop by, you're welcome to drop by. If not, she and her family will catch up with you later.

I admire her decision. Christmas is a holiday and meant to be enjoyed.

posted by jason's_planet 20 December | 15:28

Ah, ok, occhiblu. I didn't get the impression that Dad was involved in the planning.

posted by Ardiril 20 December | 16:16

Then again, if desjardins didnlt know about said plans then stepmom is at fault for not communicating.

posted by Ardiril 20 December | 16:19

Oh nevermind. This is getting circular. I think this is why my mom and my aunt had their years-long feud.

posted by Ardiril 20 December | 16:21

I ASKED MY MOTHER IN LAW WHAT I COULD BRING FOR CHRISTMAS DINNER AND SHE SENT ME THE RECIPE SHE WANTS ME TO MAKE. IT'S A JELLO MOLD THAT CALLS FOR CHERRY PIE FILLING AND MIRACLE WHIP. I WANTED TO MAKE SOMETHING FUN AND GOOD LIKE BACON WRAPPED SHRIMP OR ROASTED SHREDDED BRUSSEL SPROUTS. BUT JELLO??? WITH MIRACLE WHIP???

I guess I'm pretty lucky if that's as bad as my holiday drama gets.

EXCEPT I CAN'T STAND BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS MY SISTER IN LAW AND I'M FACING 2 WHOLE DAYS OF HER.

posted by Kangaroo 20 December | 16:23

THE ONLY DRAMA IS THAT I FEEL LIKE THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL WITH NOWHERE TO GO AND OUT IN THE COLD! I SUPPOSE THAT'S HYPERBOLE, CAUSE GET A GRIP STEW, YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE IF YOU ARE ALONE ON CHRISTMAS!

posted by Stewriffic 20 December | 16:42

No family drama here. We are home, just the three of us on Christmas day, because mr. gaspode has to work on Friday. We just finalised our food plans. Scallop chowder and rolls for Christmas Eve dinner. Duck breast, cheesy potatoes, spinach and carrots for Christmas day. Nom. Also, cider rum punch throughout.

posted by gaspode 20 December | 16:44

clarification: stepmom made plans with stepsisters without consulting me, incorrectly assuming I had the day off. Somehow this is my fault.

posted by desjardins 20 December | 17:06

Jrossi, Santa does come by on a firetruck and throws candy here too, but apparantly only in the well-to-do neighborhood. We hear the sirens screaming for an hour as they visit the McMansion developments on either side of us, but Santa doesn't visit the trailer park. (And it's a nice trailer park, too. We have curbs and sidewalks and a playground and 85% of the homes here are 10 years old or less.) I realize that it's harder for firetrucks to fit in here, but dagnabit, can't Santa ride in a pickup or something? There's a lot of little kids here.

posted by redvixen 20 December | 17:49

PLEASE NOTE: I JUST CANCELED ALL HOLIDAYS. NO MORE DRAMA! YOU CAN THANK ME IN SMALL, UNMARKED U.S. DOLLARS.

posted by deborah 20 December | 17:51

GRANDMA; STOP WITH YOUR FRICKIN' ANNOYING MARTYR CRAP! Mom is coming over for christmas she's booked a ticket, she told you ages ago, and calling her NOW saying you're too tired she can't come while saying also "it's my last christmas on earth" which you've said for the past 20 Xmases is getting more than a little annoying. I haven't spoken to you since two christmases ago when I offered to come get you down to celebrate with us but you just avoided the subject for months, and then gave me all sorts of shit when I called to wish you happy Xmas on Xmas day because "I'm here all alone and it's so saaaad boohoo" and "You never invited me down" ..... GUESS WHY! Stop it!

God I hope I didn't inherit that martyr crap. STeadying my mom from the emotional rollercoaster she keeps going through is getting tiresome though.

posted by dabitch 20 December | 18:51

ps: I want santa on a firetruck to come bring me all those small unmarked bills that people are sending deborah!

posted by dabitch 20 December | 18:53

That's bull crap, redvixen! You should load all the kids up and take them to the developments! Every kid deserves a firetruck Santa.

posted by jrossi4r 20 December | 19:00

FIRETRUCK SANTAS FOR ALL!

Well most of my family are dead and the remnants are thousands of kilometres away so I don't bother with much. Plus Christmas in Japan in pretty token.

The holidays can be pretty hard on a lot of people - maybe that's something to think about with a lot of the "tempest in a tea cup" family feuds.

posted by gomichild 20 December | 19:28

I FEEL BAD FOR ALL Y'ALL HAVING FAMILY DRAMA- WE'RE DOING PRETTY WELL OVER HERE (SO FAR), OTHER THAN THE ANNUAL FIGHT DURING THE SETUP OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE. I DON'T THINK IT'S POSSIBLE FOR MULTIPLE PEOPLE TO SET UP A CHRISTMAS TREE WITHOUT FIGHTING.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 20 December | 20:16

I don't understand how the divorced and then remarried - twice! - people manage to sort out all their Xmas plans with parents & inlawset #1 #2 and #3 and the kids and the stepkids and all that. I have enough trouble with my single mother and her mother. I can avoid both of them but if I spend xmas with someone elses family (read any boyfriend's parents or siblings) they'll martyr about it forever so I just avoid Xmas and refused to participate for over fifteen years now.

posted by dabitch 20 December | 20:24

oh shit is that a martyr trait? Oh noeeess gawd I've inherited it, crap! Quick call for an exorcism!

posted by dabitch 20 December | 20:26

So perhaps butterscotch is the smell of family martyrdom?

posted by occhiblu 20 December | 20:27

*giggles uncontrollably*

posted by dabitch 20 December | 20:29

I AM SO HAPPY TO BE JEWISH. TOMORROW I MAKE LATKES FOR MYSELF, AND THEN I GET TIME OFF NEXT WEEK WITH NO OBLIGATIONS!

posted by wens 20 December | 20:46

The one person in my family who loathed Christmas, my father, is no longer with us, which only makes it sadder since now we have fun and in the middle of it, I realize "This never could have happened if Daddy was here", and I miss him even more.

But honestly, if that's the worst I can think of about this season, I guess I'm doing OK. For the rest of you, while you may have family drama now, strangely its future absence can sometimes be worse.

(Yeah, I know, it's easy for me to say.)

posted by ltracey 20 December | 21:33

I probably have just about everyone beat in the family stress department this year, so I won't go into any of it (Happy Xmas! er, War is Over!).

posted by stilicho 20 December | 22:50

MY FAMILY DRAMA ISN'T EVEN MINE. I'M GOING TO MISSOURI TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH THE BF'S HUGE FAMILY, BUT HE HASN'T TOLD MOST OF THEM I'M JEWISH. SO THIS IS ALL GOING TO COME OUT AT THE MOST AWKWARD TIME, LIKE OVER CHRISTMAS DINNER, AND IT ALL COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF HE'D JUST TOLD THEM AHEAD OF TIME, AS HE'S HAD AMPLE OPPORTUNITY TO DO. SO NOW I HAVE TO BE SOME SORT OF CRYPTO-JEW AND NOT MENTION IT UNLESS SOMEONE ASKS ME A DIRECT QUESTION. BEING A JEW ON CHRISTMAS IS AWKWARD ENOUGH WITHOUT CONSTANTLY WAITING FOR THE ISSUE TO COME UP.

posted by Twiggy 20 December | 23:05

Holy shit, dabitch, are we cousins? No, wait, my Grandma's ghost may be possessing your Grandma's mind.

mmmmm, butterscotch. I miss the butterscotch dipped cones from Dairy Queen

posted by lysdexic 20 December | 23:23

ATTENTION CHRISTMAS DINNER ATTENDEES:

IT IS USUALLY CONSIDERED BAD FORM IN THE LAND OF MDONLEY TO SIT AT A TABLE FOR FOUR HOURS NURSING TWO BEERS, WORDLESSLY, AND THEN POUT WHEN EVERYONE WANTS TO MOVE THE FESTIVITIES ELSEWHERE. YOU DON'T WANT TO GO? SUGGEST SOMEWHERE ELSE. YOU DON'T WANT TO SUGGEST SOMEWHERE ELSE? THEN WE CAN BUNDLE YOU OFF HOME AND ENJOY OURSELVES. BUT NONE OF THIS PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE NO-ONE-ASKED-ME-WHAT-I-WANTED-TO-DO WHINING, PLEASE. IF WE THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE ANSWERED, WE WOULD HAVE ASKED YOU.

posted by mdonley 21 December | 06:37

No drama, except AN OLD FRIEND THAT I DON'T REALLY LIKE MESSAGED ME ON FACEBOOK, AND THEN I SENT HER MY CELL PHONE NUMBER WHEN I WAS SORT OF DRUNK, AND NOW WE ARE GOING TO HAVE "DRINKS" AT SOME POINT WHEN WE ARE BOTH HOME THIS WEEK, AND I'm TOTALLY SOCIALLY AWKWARD AND I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON ANYMORE.

posted by muddgirl 21 December | 08:59

HAHA! RIOTS AND A HANGOVER AND V.'S BUSY WORK SCHEDULE HAVE CONSPIRED TO KEEP ME AT HOME FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T GET THE OVERNIGHT CABIN TRAIN TICKETS FOR THESSALONIKI IN TIME FOR XMAS and we have to have a cabin if we're bringing the dog, and of course we're bringing the dog.

Much earlier this month we planned one day to go buy the tickets, but V. was out late the night before, and didn't feel like dealing with it. Then there were riots, and that was not a good part of town to visit, plus V. was working constantly. So, by the time we got it together to finally go get them, there weren't any left.

I'm glad, actually. I didn't feel like being there for Christmas. I'd like to go to Thessaloniki, but I don't want to go with every second being taken in running around visiting everyone we are supposed to visit, and camping out in my sister-in-law's tiny apartment (I love her and her husband and our nephew, it's not that). It's possible that V. might still go, if there are any express tickets left tomorrow, but I'll be happy enough to stay here.

posted by taz 21 December | 09:12

CHRISTMAS AT MY AUNT'S PLACE IS GOING TO BE VERY FUCKING AWKWARD THIS YEAR BECAUSE I AM GOING THROUGH SOME VERY PERSONAL FAMILY SHIT WITH MY THERAPIST AND I DON'T WANT TO START A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH A NEW FAMILY MEMBER BY DRAGGING INTO IT MY OLD FEELINGS REGARDING MY PARENTS!

IT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE ME WANT TO STAY HOME ON THE 25TH OR GO OUT TO A VERY EXPENSIVE DINNER ON THE TOWN BY MYSELF BECAUSE AT LEAST THEN I KNOW THAT THE ONLY DRAMA THAT WILL BE TAKING PLACE WILL BE MY OWN.

posted by TrishaLynn 21 December | 11:32

(Surprisingly, the fighting and screaming hasn't started at my house yet, but some of that is due to the fact that I've been massive avoiding everyone. I'm sure it'll all blow up sometime Wednesday. Especially because I'm working on a plan to throw away some of my mother's popturri. IT SMELLS LIKE A TRUCK STOP BATHROOM.)

posted by sperose 21 December | 11:37

Is this the queue for latkes? NOM NOM NOM!

posted by deborah 21 December | 19:17

HORRIBLE WEATHER IN TACOMA AND HORRIBLE COLD IN SCODYBOY CONSPIRED TO CANCEL THE TRIP! So this is actually quite cool, as we're just going to hang out in L.A., rendering my lack of a proper winter coat and inability to see my sister before Sunday to drop of the kids' presents totally moot. And since I already took the week off from work, I'm just going to sit around and cook and read all week.

posted by scody 22 December | 14:32

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