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10 December 2008

Three-Point Ask MeCha Special! Today only! →[More:] Ahem, I'll start.

1. When you give blood, how do you make sure you get someone good? When I get someone good I can't feel it at all. When I get someone bad it's hurts and I bruise.

2. What should I send that's easy and not-expensive to my family members in New Hampshire for x-mess? Last year I sent Little Miss Matched socks to the gals. This year -- lottery tickets?

3. I'm going to Christmas Eve to my aunt and uncle in Burlingame who voted "Yes" on 8 (though lobbied beforehand by me and by their friends who have a gay married daughter). I wanted to boycott but my activist friends told me that we're supposed to keep talking about this issue, keep a conversation going. I was thinking about when being asked "how are you," just saying that it was a really hard fall for me, because of Proposition 8 and its impact on my world. Any suggestions? (Not saying anything is not an option for me, but I am almost always nice.)

post by: Claudia_SF at: 11:51 | 6 comments

1. Usually the person doing the entrance questions is different from the person pulling the blood, so I usually say something to them about having small veins (which is true). That usually gets me either one of the more experienced technicians or a little extra attention from whoever's available.

Oh gosh, last time I donated the technician was an absolute beast. Just POP needle in and walked away. He didn't cover it up or give me anything to squeeze or check on it or anything. I had to flag someone down to get me a hot water bottle and to move the needle because I could tell I was on the verge of shock.

posted by muddgirl 10 December | 12:08

For 3) This is something I struggle with, too. My parents are pretty conservative, and I have been encouraged by my activist friends to discuss this issue with them over Christmas. I like the approach you mention, Claudia, if it really describes how you feel.

posted by muddgirl 10 December | 14:44

1. I always tell them that I am really sketchy about giving blood and that it really frightens me and blah blah blah. (Both times were for medical blood drawing though, the fuckers don't want my blood for donations, so I may be completely wrong.)

posted by sperose 10 December | 14:56

3. It would not in any way keep the conversation going, but I would be tempted to tell your aunt and uncle to stop flaunting their heterosexuality every time they did anything remotely couple-y. Like, talk to each other. Or, ignore each other comfortably. Or, mention each other. Or, you know, look at each other.

posted by occhiblu 10 December | 23:58

^^^^^

I so wish that was the solution.

posted by mudpuppie 11 December | 00:46

A slightly less hostile version from PortlyDyke at Shakesville, though it seems a bit harder to work into casual holiday conversation and it probably requires a willing, ally audience:

So, I issued her and her husband a challenge (and I'll issue the same challenge to any straight coupled allies here who want to raise their awareness of LBGTQ issues):

Spend an entire week pretending that you're not a couple. Don't write a check from a joint bank account. Hide all the photographs in your home and office which would identify you as a couple. Take off your wedding rings. Touch each other, and talk to each other, in public, in ways that could only be interpreted as you being "friends". Refer to yourself only in the singular "I", never in the "we". When you go to work on Monday, if you spent time together on the weekend, include only information which would indicate that you went somewhere with a friend, rather than your life-mate. If someone comes to stay with you, sleep in separate beds. Go intentionally into the closet as a couple. For a week.

They took my challenge.

They lasted exactly three days.

My friend returned to me in tears on day four and said: "I'm sorry. I had no idea what it is like for you."

[For those of you straight allies who are not coupled, but who want to play along, your challenge is (perhaps) simpler: Spend one week in which you make no mention and give no hint of your sexual orientation at all. When straight people around you are parsing the hotness of the opposite gender, go silent, or play along in a way that makes it seem as if you are part of the gang, but never reveals any real personal information. If someone asks you about your love-life, be evasive and non-committal. If you went on a date, and you're talking about it later, de-genderize all the pronouns, or consciously switch them (him to her, her to him, etc.).]

That is how I lived for the first 32 years of my life, whether I was single or coupled.

posted by occhiblu 11 December | 01:31

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