MetaChat - So I started back at work today

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01 December 2008

So I started back at work today →[More:]Good lord that was rough. We both dropped her off at daycare (lovely place, across the street from our apartment). When I picked her up to hand her to my husband on the way out I cuddled her and burst into tears. Argh. Who in their right mind would leave this?

post by: gaspode at: 15:28 | 33 comments

awww. Such a cutie.

posted by special-k 01 December | 15:31

Don't worry. They put her to work sewing labels on Nikes right after you left. Develop that work ethic early, yeah!

posted by jonmc 01 December | 15:36

I've been thinking about you today, gaspode.

posted by essexjan 01 December | 15:43

SHE IS THE CUTEST LITTLE BUG!

posted by muddgirl 01 December | 15:45

You COULD just drop her off with Jon at the store. She'd have some more interesting stories to tell, anyway.

posted by danf 01 December | 15:48

Bring her to my house! She could play with Twinkie!

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 01 December | 15:49

Holy CRAP that's a cute kid! Look at those eyes...she KNOWS things.

I'm sorry it was rough on you. It always is. But I guarantee it was tougher on you than her. At that age, all they care about is getting fed and getting held...they don't mind who's doing it. That's how so many kids end up getting raised by wolves.

posted by jrossi4r 01 December | 15:50

oh dear. i just got done with the thanksgiving "look at how BIG everyone's kids have gotten" thing and you had to post that picture. she's adorable.

posted by dismas 01 December | 16:18

Every day. Every single day when I would leave the kids at day care Daughter the Second would cry and cling to my neck in the most heart-rending way. It makes me sad when I think about it.

posted by trinity8-director 01 December | 16:19

((((gaspode))))

posted by chewatadistance 01 December | 16:34

Man, I find it totally bizarre to think that our kids may have to deal with prospective employers finding their baby pictures online.

posted by Eideteker 01 December | 16:37

I love that picture. It looks like she's totally in on the joke.

posted by mudpuppie 01 December | 16:49

Oh, gaspode. I can imagine how hard it would be. Hang in there. If you love your career, hang in there. If you don't you can stay home like I did and watch Sesame Street and Barney all day and go to classes called, Kindermusic and go to playdates for babies. :-)

posted by LoriFLA 01 December | 16:52

Who in their right mind would leave this?

I'm still bitter you got him and I didn't.

posted by cillit bang 01 December | 16:54

I always cried leaving my kidlets with the day mommies.

((gaspode))

posted by lysdexic 01 December | 17:12

That is one happy kid. And you'll get home today and you will both be happy again :)

::hugs::

posted by casarkos 01 December | 17:26

Aw. You guys. I just picked her up, and she was the happiest little thing. She had 3 good naps and ate lots of food and kept looking at one of the other babies and giggling. Logically, I knew she would be fine, but you know... It's me I feel sad for.

posted by gaspode 01 December | 17:39

From the perspective of a former kindergarten teacher, the best thing you can do is give her a warm squeeze and a happy kiss and separate quickly and confidently with a smile. She'll grow to know that no matter what happens, you will be there when it's pickup time. And she'll grow in confidence and comfort because of it.

It was awful watching some of the attachment dramas take place at school with kids who hadn't had this practice. Sometimes the parents really dragged it out, and I couldn't help but feel it was a disservice to their kids, who needed the parent to project comfort and assurance so that the kids could learn that they were still secure, deal with a few hours apart, and start working on their own social development. AKA happy playtime.

Not that it's not hard to fake it - I bet it is incredibly tough! If I'm ever in your shoes I'll definitely be weeping along the sidewalk to work, too.

posted by Miko 01 December | 17:57

Aww, (('pode)).

She looks like a bright and outgoing little baby girl, and she'll probably learn to conquer fear and get all social and stuff way on an advanced scedule as a result of being there. Plus she'll be proud of her mum's work, too.

I weep a little, yeah, but be strong, gaspode! You and your baby rock n roll.

posted by rainbaby 01 December | 20:48

Oh, so cute!

that is all.

posted by oreonax 01 December | 21:18

OK, I don't even want kids, and that pic made my ovaries go "GIMMIE ONE NOW!"
SO CUTE.

posted by kellydamnit 01 December | 22:52

Ha heeeeeee! She so cute! What a smile.

posted by Hugh Janus 01 December | 23:43

So freakin' cute!

posted by deborah 02 December | 00:14

From the perspective of a former kindergarten teacher, the best thing you can do is give her a warm squeeze and a happy kiss and separate quickly and confidently with a smile. She'll grow to know that no matter what happens, you will be there when it's pickup time. And she'll grow in confidence and comfort because of it.
From the perspective of a former parent of small children, this practice is not infallible, although still far better than dragging the process out, which just makes everyone feel worse. You have to be confident that they will stop whining as soon as you are out of sight and they get distracted by something shiny, because that's generally what happens.

Cute baby, though (other people's babies always are). Be brave and don't listen to anyone who tries to give you a hard time about working instead of staying home.

posted by dg 02 December | 03:44

that's a huge wrench 'pode! (Nthing she looks adorable!)

posted by Wilder 02 December | 05:08

aaahaahaaaa!

Big hugs to you and Miss Maddy E., 'pode; I know it must hurt like crazy.

posted by taz 02 December | 06:23

Goodness gracious, how adorableble... such a sweetie (mother and daughter).

I LOVE that "Mother Sucker" t-shirt, too! Awesome.

posted by Pips 02 December | 18:22

You have to be confident that they will stop whining as soon as you are out of sight

Sometimes they don't - sometimes they cry for the bulk of the day, every day, until they learn to deal with it better. But since you can't go through life with them 24/7 side by side until you're gone, helping them learn to separate - and that separation isn't final - is absolutely vital. The kids whose parents indulged in long, weepy scenes with them always had the worst times adjusting. Remember that your kid fears making you unhappy. If they think the separation from them is making you miserable, they will try to protect you from it, and if it seems inevitable, they will walk with you down that road of misery so you can be together in the misery. It's a pretty rough dynamic that can start to make the kid feel guilty for feeling good after the separation is over. Of course it's hard, but it's one of those instances where you have to model the behavior you want to encourage, not appear so emotionally threatened that your kid gets scared, too.

posted by Miko 03 December | 10:46

(I know you're all so interested). Day Three and it's all good. The caregivers are so awesome. They sent us text messages throughout the first couple of days with updates of Maddie's day, and send pictures of her to our phone. She has been happy both days when I've picked her up, and it's been awesome to see her interacting with the other babies. She looks at them and laughs. It's so cute.

And thanks, Miko. Your comments are awesome, and putting me in a good place with how to approach leaving her.

(the Mother sucker t-shirt? Yeah. My friends. Sheesh.)

posted by gaspode 03 December | 11:03

I'm interested! I'm glad it's gotten better. That's really,really cool that they send you updates like that. A good caregiver is worth their weight in...something worth way more than gold.

Miko's right about the importance of learning to separate. We've been extremely lucky that both of our kids are pretty fearless about being left with others. I remember once joking with my daughter's preschool teacher that I must be a total suck mom since my kid came running in without even saying goodbye when so many of the other kids clung to their moms. And she said, "Take it as a compliment.She's happy, she's confident and she knows you'll back."

posted by jrossi4r 03 December | 11:20

of course we're interested! Sounds like you found the right child-care option. Believe me that will keep any working parents sane!

posted by Wilder 03 December | 11:28

Holy cow, text messages and pictures...that is so considerate, and an awesome use of technology.

My former summer camp is now doing that - they have a Flickr page the parents can view showing the day's activities, and parents check it a lot to see if their kids are in the pics. This does mean they have to deal with calls like "Rachel looks a little sad in the pool - is she making friends?" but it does give the family a lot of comfort.

posted by Miko 03 December | 11:54

You have to be confident that they will stop whining as soon as you are out of sight

Sometimes they don't - sometimes they cry for the bulk of the day, every day, until they learn to deal with it better. But since you can't go through life with them 24/7 side by side until you're gone, helping them learn to separate - and that separation isn't final - is absolutely vital.
Yeah, I was speaking from the narrow perspective of my own experiences, I guess. My kids always put on the big performance while being dropped off, but gave it up as soon as I was out of sight. Many times I have walked past the kindy playground and seen them happily playing with the other kids, less than 60 seconds after they were crying and clinging to my leg. Manipulative little shits ;-)

Now, though (the youngest is 6), they have no fear or concern over separation and happily go off for sleepovers at friend's places (and sleep out in their cubby-house whenever we let them), so the pain of being strong about those separations was worth it.

posted by dg 03 December | 15:15

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