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04 September 2008

Sad anniversary. [More:]

It's ten years today since my father died. I've been prone to small bouts of tears all day. It was a long, hard, hot day at work, too, with crowded classes of overheated, restless kids, and on the last leg of my long commute, walking home from the train, I watched a young father play a game with his little girl, pointing out each approaching gas valve in the sidewalk, to which she ran with glee. "Anything to keep the forward motion going," he laughed. At intersections, he stretched out his arm in mock I-can't-reach-you and took her hand to cross. When I got to my door, I burst into tears.

I wish I had a cigar-scented yahrzheit candle to light.
posted by chewatadistance 04 September | 20:33
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 04 September | 20:36
Oh Pips!

It's the 10 year anniversary for me in 9 days.


It sucks that it's so close to Fathers day, doesn't it?

I was 14. Alone in the house with him when he suddenly collapsed.

I've been remembering little things recently. I'd taken to writing "'lo" when starting conversations in msn etc. Didn't realise why it was so familiar. It struck a chord with me for some reason, though, and I liked it. A long time later, it suddenly clicked - when Dad was alive I used to call out "Hiiii" to him, in a high pitched voice - his response was always "loowww" in a deep booming voice. Sometimes it would be reversed... some times he'd take the high part. Some times we'd say "Hi" in the low voice, and "low" in the high voice. I'd forgotten.

I went to a restaurant last night, a cheap vietnamese place I go to quite a lot, it has delicious food. I was really sad that I'd never gotten to share it with him, he'd have loved it.

Makes me sad that 2/5 of my life he never got to see. Never got to tease me about boys, never got to see me finish school or university or get a job.

I hope you are doing something special to commemorate the day. I'll be thinking of you, and will light a citrus-scented (in the absence of a cigar-scented one) candle for you tonight.
posted by jonathanstrange 04 September | 20:38
Pips, I'm so sorry. You have a sweet heart.
posted by LoriFLA 04 September | 20:40
Try to think about it this way: don't you hope that someone is still crying about you ten years after you go? I miss my crazy old dad every day six years after he's gone but I'm glad that I was lucky enough to have a dad worth missing.

crap, now I'm getting a little misty thinking about the daft old coot.
posted by octothorpe 04 September | 21:07
posted by casarkos 04 September | 21:29
It's so hard. I dreamed about my father for years after he died.
posted by danf 04 September | 21:31

My father died right before my senior year of college. Was supposed to be one of the greatest years of my life, and then wasn't. 18th anniversary two weeks ago, and his memory hasn't faded one iota.
posted by Melismata 04 September | 21:38
posted by Hellbient 04 September | 23:02
*kisses Pips*
posted by hadjiboy 04 September | 23:23
*hugs pips*
posted by brujita 04 September | 23:56
posted by kellydamnit 05 September | 00:39
posted by scarabic 05 September | 01:38
posted by By the Grace of God 05 September | 03:51
Oh, pips. Take care of you, sweetie.
posted by goo 05 September | 04:35

Make sure you take some *you* time to grieve in whatever way gives you release/comfort. Look after yourself.
posted by goshling 05 September | 08:01
posted by halonine 05 September | 10:12
(((Pips))) :(
posted by small_ruminant 05 September | 11:44
Oh, ((((Pips))))!

It's hard, isn't it? Sometimes those feelings climb up and over me before I even know they're there. It's good to have someplace to share them.

I burst out crying while washing my hair this morning. Missing my Dad, and it's not even an anniversary. Beginning to plan the wedding has brought up some deeply buried sorrow.

Take care of yourself, and let Jon take care of you.
posted by Elsa 05 September | 15:43
Thank you all for the good thoughts and hugs. Jon's been such a comfort, too. He stayed up watching tennis and M*A*S*H with me. Today feels better. I like to think of my father still there, in the fabric of time, so to speak, fussing over his tomato plants.

Sometimes it's easier to love someone when they're gone.
posted by Pips 05 September | 17:22

I'm glad you had a good relationship with him. My own dad does stuff for me but we just....just don't communicate well. I just can't have serious talks with him, only very surface things.

When he finally passes, I probably won't miss him because I don't really know him to begin with.

So, dear, hugs to were blessed. But that's what makes it hurt now, y'know?
posted by bunnyfire 05 September | 17:22
Actually, I think it hurts more because we weren't close. But if he were here now, I hesitate to say it would be any different. But it was what it was, and I guess he did the best he could, too.
posted by Pips 05 September | 17:41
Sorry for that Pips. Hope you are ok.
posted by plep 06 September | 18:55
I think the building I live in || What do (novelty) handcuffs mean to you?