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13 August 2008

"official" vs. actual job descriptions [More:]

My official job description is something like "Legal Assistant", only probably not that exciting.

My actual job description is something more like "Document Wrangler", with a side of "Executive Cat-Herder" and a soupcon of "Oh Christ, You Mean [Bureaucratic Idiots Collective du Jour] Really Wasn't Kidding About That?!".

I'm thinking of recommending to my boss that a whip, chair, and spangled leotard should become written into our process manuals as mandatory safety equipment for this job title.

Or at least a trapeze.
Don't forget babysitter.
posted by lysdexic 13 August | 16:57
no, thankfully I don't have to do much, if any babysitting, arse-wiping or waitressing with this lot. They're almost a little TOO self-sufficient in some ways, which is what often brings about the cat-herding scenarios.
posted by lonefrontranger 13 August | 17:02
Official: High school teacher

Unofficial: Trainee spree killer
posted by Pips 13 August | 17:57
How about a little cartographer thrown in? Sounds like the cat-herding might involve some of that.
posted by eekacat 13 August | 17:59
Oh, and while we are talking about our own job descriptions... My official job title is "Instrument Tech", but it seems that it really means "magician". It's pretty much true since most people have little understanding of electricity or controls, so while what we do often appears to be magic, it's really based on simple laws of nature.
posted by eekacat 13 August | 18:01
My official job title is "engineering clerk".

That also includes "environmental coordinator", "production planner", "production scheduler", "machinist", "CNC programmer", "database programmer", "IT specialist", and "executive secretary".

I'm pretty close to "ask(ing) my doctor if Cymbalta is right for (me)."
posted by syntax 13 August | 18:29
I'm a web designer but some of my clients seem to think this means 24 hour tech support.
posted by gomichild 13 August | 19:13
Official: "English language instructor"

Actual: "Person who argues with other teachers in the staffroom, who also grew up speaking English, about how wrong they are"
posted by mdonley 13 August | 20:46
Official: Nurse

Actual: Schmoozer, coffee maker, babysitter, and secretary
posted by LoriFLA 13 August | 22:34
Official: lawyer
Unofficial: unskilled social worker and therapist
posted by Claudia_SF 14 August | 00:10
Official: Internet Project Manager
Actual: Sanity Filter

More complex than that, but I'd say 80% of my job is making sure the crazy never gets from the rest of the company to the developers or vice versa.
posted by SpiffyRob 14 August | 12:00
Official: Principal Auditor
Unofficial: technical expert, troubleshooter, head-kicker, counsellor, writer, unsolvable problem solver, unanswerable question answerer (someone told me the other day that people come to me with their difficult questions because they will always get some kind of answer, even if it's the wrong one. Not sure if that's a compliment or an insult).

Also, now that my secret (that I managed to keep for three years) is out about knowing a bit about computers, unofficial IT support and guy-who-stops-techs-from-baffling-people-with bullshit-to-make-them go-away.
posted by dg 14 August | 15:58
Phase One complete. My plan to take over the world is on schedule. || Scaredy-cat gene will make you scream