...right after you wake up, the roofers start blaring Heart and Phil Collins and the Bee Gees and pounding on things but you need to stick around the flat because there's all kinds of job hunting things you need to do and the washing up is piling up and the carpet needs vacuuimg before things start to grow out of it.

hey speck so what do you think of UKia?

Pounding on things is awesome, you should totally try it.

Grace, I think that if I weren't stressed out about not having a job and reeling from the incredible changes that have happened in my life in the last three months, I'd be enjoying it a lot more. That said, I've been having fun exploring Tunbridge Wells, schlepping to job interviews in London and unexpectedly coming across little pockets of interesting things, and drinking lots on English beer.

Now, I think I'm going to go pound on some things. (A job recruiter just gave me a hard time because I wouldn't consider buying a car so I could take a job in Surrey. She set up the interview, then told me that to make the commute do-able, I could "just buy a car" and drive two hours a day. Now she's peeved because I won't even attend the interview. It's a pity it's so far away: it was for the position of creative director in an interior design firm, with excellent perks. But no, you stupid woman, I'm not going to spew two hours' worth of petrol fumes into the atmosphere for a job that pays what I can get paid if I work in London, where the TRAIN goes. Sorry you put your ass on the line by telling them I'd attend the interview without checking with me on whether I'd buy a car or not.)

To be fair, she said there was a possibility that I could get a company car, but still. I'm not going to drive an hour each way for a job, not when there are perfectly good jobs accessible by public (albeit expensive) public transportation.

Got on line at my regular b'fast joint, the only good one on my walk to work. I was behind two construction workers, each with a list of nine or ten sandwiches. I said forget it, hopped off line and got a muffin. Muffins. I hate muffins. Yeah, you can get good ones, and you can make really great ones, but most of 'em are all dense and sticky and way too sweet. Ditto bagels, only not the sweet part or the making really great ones yourself part. But yeah, I hate bagels, too; most of 'em suck and the ones that don't create a market based on false promises everywhere else. Don't get me started on scones.

Biscuits, now they're hard to mess up, but I've seen it happen.

You get on the pine-sol express bus and can't open the windows.

Hugh, you gotta ask for that bagel "scooped." Not really, I do it myself. I could never understand how someone could ask a random person to dig his fingernails into their food. But they do, and without plastic gloves. Only problem is, I end up eating the part I scooped out anyway.

Now you've got me thinking about my lovely ex, a full-blooded member of the bagel tribe, and how she loved bagels (NOT the bready kind!) because they are "chewy on the outside, and boingy on the inside."

Say, that's a good idea. Can you get 'em scooped, then toasted? Cuz that would be a great vessel for all sorts of fillings.

What I really like are bagels that aren't made properly, where they skip most or all of the boiling process. They're breadier that way. The ones in Israel are more like that, and stretched out so some of 'em are more like pretzels than bagels. I like those, too. The place down on Ave A below the Key Food on 4 or 3 St, which used to be called The Bagel Zone but the owners seem to have turned it over to the employees and it has a new name now but the same great bagels and coffee, makes good bready bagels.

Scooped and toasted is how I do it at home. Smoked whitefish spread, thin slice of tomato.

There is no such thing as a good bready bagel.

There is no such thing as a good bready bagel.

I know this is true, and I think what it really means is that I dislike bagels.

But bagelim rock.

Hugh, you gotta ask for that bagel "scooped."

Oh man, I forgot you could ask for that. Clearly I haven't had a bagel in a really long time.

My sister arrives with a huge Slip and Slide with inflatable rafts. We start blowing them up but then it starts thundering. It's thundering and lightning and the kids can't go outside and your sister's dog is here and barky and just as crazy as my dog and they go crazy together. My nephew won't leave his clothes on and might pee on my blue chairs. And I think and say, who cares? Let him leave his clothes off and my sister is very exasperated and stressed. Jut then the DHL man rings the doorbell and the two dogs run out barking, and there's a naked kid, and a neighbor kid friend is at the door and I don't have a bra on. We tell the kid to pedal home and return after the storm. I tell my kid to go clean is room and after two minutes he comes out and says, "I'm taking a break." and then I go into drill sergeant mode. "Is this a mission you are choosing to accept?! In this corner, Private! All trash goes in here. Every little scrap. You must move forward! You are a human bulldozer!"

Bready bagel? This is why the conversion was never complete, HJ. ;)

(The place a block or so from us has great bagels, crisp outside and soft, chewy inside. Yum. It's great to be able to wander over in your slippers for great bagels and coffee. In winter, under cover of my coat, I don't even bother with a bra.)

The conversion was never complete because I am a coward, Pips.

Hardly, HJ. You're what I call an honorary member of the tribe anyway. Now eat your gefilte fish.

Ha! Everybody wants a piece of me nowadays, yow! I'll be in the מטבח.

LoriFLA, the drill sergeant thing is the only way I can discipline myself to clean anything: divide the target area into zones, attack each zone, salute into the mirror while holding garbage bags, march out the door when finished.

Hope the sun comes out!

Wait! Sweet bagels? Scooped? My exposure to this culture corner is woefully inadequate. What exactly is scooped?

Nah, sorry, bad writing on my part:

Ditto bagels, only not the sweet part or the making really great ones yourself part.

I meant that bagels, like muffins, usually suck. But since "ditto" is all-encompassing, I thought to point out those things I used to describe muffins that didn't apply to bagels. But it's all jumbled-up half-finished-my-morning-coffee prose, so I'm sure I wasn't clear enough.

That scooped thing, though, I'm gonna try that. Bagels without all that dense crap in the middle? Yum!

Oh, as to what exactly is scooped: I believe, if I understand correctly, that it's the bagel's insides that are scooped and discarded, leaving just the outer crust.

Round bread with a hole (usually found at flyover country stores with a NYC-related name) is NOT a bagel! :-P

My long day: none of the brochures I picked up at the tourist office mention that practically everything(including most of the museums) is closed on Swiss National day. I'd been told about a design museum just over the German border, decided to take the bus, bought a ticket before looking at the schedule, looked at the schedule and discovered that the bus that would give me enough time to see the exhibits had left an hour ago, considered that I might have enough time if I took the train, went to German train station, learned I did and was able to see an exhibit about Arab architecture . The thing is that I lost a lot of time the other day at a laundrette (my hotel is listed as having a guest laundry, which I took to mean had a washer and dryer on the premises; as other places I've stayed did. Uh, no--and I wasn't willing to pay 135 CHF to have the hotel do it for me), so I won't be able to see everything I wanted.

Ah, I guess I should have got that from your original statement, HJ.

So, scooped, toasted and filled, eh. I know that couldn't help but make store-bought bagels better, but I can still only imagine what the real things are like. The freshest I have found in Vegas are at the Coffee Beans, and even those resemble a cow's cud after only a few chews.

A branch of Canter's deli (which has an onsite bakery at the original location) is at Treasure Island...Western Bagel is my go-to in LA, but these aren't too bad.