MetaChat - Holy crap, I really do have OCD!

MetaChat is an informal place for MeFites to touch base and post, discuss and chatter about topics that may not belong on MetaFilter. Questions? Check the FAQ. Please note: This is important.

30 May 2008

Holy crap, I really do have OCD! →[More:]Not that I ever doubted it -- on a purely intellectual level at least. But for whatever reason, I've been taking stock of my OCD behaviors, and I've discovered that they've infiltrated nearly every part of my moment-to-moment existence. They don't keep me from leaving the house, but they do affect things like my breathing patterns, walking patterns, things I say/don't say, how I pick up objects, all sorts of unnecessary glances and gestures . . .

And I wonder why I have panic attacks! I live, moment-to-moment, in perpetual fear that any trivial thing I might accidentally do could cause terrible things to happen. No, I don't really believe it, but a part of my psyche reacts as though it's true.

I guess we all do this some degree -- that's where superstitions come from. But imagine that some part of your psyche is inventing new, random superstitions all the time . . .

Anyhow, the anxiety-ridden part of me tells me to close the browser before I have a chance to hit Post, but I think I'm gonna hit Post anyway.

post by: treepour at: 01:05 | 11 comments

imagine that some part of your psyche is inventing new, random superstitions all the time . . .

It's amazing that this happens. The amigdela (sp), bane of my existance. Every time I am to hit Post I go through a bit of anxiety, myself.

I'm off to bed now but I wanted to say thanks for sharing this with us tree-p. You've allowed yourself to be vonerable here by telling us and that took real courage. Keep going and be well.

posted by MonkeyButter 30 May | 01:42

Some friends were over for lunch the other day and one of them dropped something on the floor and immediately jumped up to get a paper towel to wipe up, gauging my reaction.

I didn't realize how I must come across with my whole cleaning thing. I know I like things super clean but it made me feel sad that my friends don't feel like they can relax in my place in regards to being a bit messy. It didn't stress me that they dropped something. I knew I would be cleaning later anyway.

posted by gomichild 30 May | 05:03

aw, treepour! I have a bit of superstition-related OCD (if I can't get to some wood to knock on after thinking or talking about something bad, I have to hold it in my head 'til I can 'neutralize' it with a bit of woodlove), so that gives me a clue fragment about how it must be to have lots of different things that you have to do in order to keep everything ticking along without inviting disaster - and I'm sure it majorly sucks.

Have you tried getting professional help on this? Or, becoming a TV detective? I kid. KISS

posted by taz 30 May | 06:57

I don't have OCD but I do have panic attacks. Professional help is really the way to go here. It has changed my life.

posted by desjardins 30 May | 08:08

I don't have OCD but I have to hold my breath when someone walks by me so I don't smell their wind. Hee. For some reason I don't have to do it in a big crowd, only when there's just one person.

posted by misskaz 30 May | 09:35

Sometimes this kind of behavior is situational, at least in part.

I developed a streak of obsessive-compulsion about a few small, totally controllable aspects of daily life during the first year of my then-partner's terminal illness. It was a way of managing my fears. Not, y'know, a great way, but a way.

(Exhibit A: I fretted compulsively that I'd forgotten to lock the front door. I'd leave the apartment, get a few steps away, then go back to check. Then I'd get half a block away and go back to check. Occasionally, I'd get as far as the subway stop, and still need to go home to check. If I didn't check, I'd worry the entire time I was out.

One day, I thought Hey! If you just scratched your arm lightly with the key when you locked the door, you wouldn't have to check! You could just look for the scratch! How simple! What a solution!

Following immediately on the heels of that thought was Hey! That's fucking nuts! Maybe you have bigger problems than leaving the door unlocked! Surprisingly, that thought helped a lot.)

posted by Elsa 30 May | 10:03

OCD really seems to be biochemical. Between meds and therapy, my nephew manages his quite well. Recognition is absolutely the 1st step.

I have some OCD tendencies when I'm stressed/tired/depressed, or when I take not enough/too much anti-depressant medication. Current meds are not very subtle; years from now they'll think of this as just the beginning of medical treatment for brain issues.

posted by theora55 30 May | 11:22

Oops, I didn't mean to suggest that OCD was ever fully situational, and I'm sorry if I gave that impression. Theora55 is, of course, correct!

posted by Elsa 30 May | 11:27

I count stairs when walking on them. Every time. It's better if I can walk them in pairs, skipping every other one, and counting only the odd steps.

posted by rhapsodie 30 May | 11:49

OCD responds really well to behavioral therapy, which is good because a lot of people with OCD don't want to take medicine, even though it is often very effective with talk therapy, as i think what you mean is more the neurotic behavioral tendencies and not the other.
Really treatable. Going to get the treatment is usually the hardest part in these cases.

posted by ethylene 30 May | 15:53

Aw, thanks so much. I went to bed right after I posted, and haven't had a chance to come back to the site until now. Your comments really, really mean a lot. :'-)

I have gotten professional help for panic and depression, but never OCD in particular. I've always considered it the least of my worries, but I think I'm finally learning to diffuse the panic reaction (and I can say that without panicking, yay!) and so now I'm noticing the OCD more. Also, I am on an SSRI, so maybe that's also part of my sudden awareness of my OCD tendencies. I will consider therapy focused on OCD -- especially now that I've realized there's a connection between OCD and my panic (duh!).

BTW, rhapsodie, I count/skip stairs too, but I count the EVEN ones. :) And, yeah, MonkeyButter . . . truth be told, I think the amygdala is the bane of humanity's existence.

posted by treepour 30 May | 21:23

← More radio hat in just a few minutes. || It's Friday. Smile! →

HOME || REGISTER || LOGIN