My Mom Says . . . My mom says that "Boys that play with themselves, grow up to vote Democrat."

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Well no, she didn't say that, that's one of many quotes from Stewart on MADTV.

But My mom did have one gem. Once, when I took apart an old radio, I was maybe 9 or 10 at the time. After I removed all the little parts I brought them all to my mom and showed her what I had done. I was very proud of my discovery. I also pointed out that the radio was made in China, and my mom replied, "that's because Chinese people have little hands."

I mentioned this to mom many years later and she was completely appalled. She couldn't believe she would say such a thing. We laughed and laughed about it; that kind of laugh of disbelief. But she did say it and it was that way in those days and even more so, that moment of thoughtlessness, when I was expecting her undivided attention, with 6 other kids to take care of and dinner on the stove, just came out of her mouth, unconsciously, without any real intent or belief.

Throughout the years my mom has uttered many a strange thing. Another example, and one of my favourites, as I realize now that she is where my sometimes very eccentric behaviour comes from, is from a Thanksgiving dinner gathering, where the lot of us, about 22 people, came together to eat and visit.

We found long ago that these family gatherings just don't work if we where going to sit at the same table. We could and did sit together for years but now, with everyone older and coming and going, buffet works so much better. And, as most parties go, many of us would end up eating and hanging out in the kitchen, which had recently been re-modelled to accommodate even more people, standing and sitting around the table.

And so it was, on this typical Thanksgiving day, that my mother, a first generation German American who always moved through the house as though what she was doing could absolutely not be done right by anyone else, suddenly stopped in her tracks and just stood there in the middle of the kitchen.

Well, everyone became quiet then and we all turned our attention to her. Then, lifting her head out of some detached contemplation, she said, in the most matter-of-fact of ways, "my old floor never used to do this to me," and then put down the serving tray she was carrying and walked out of the room.

I don't have to tell you that we all just sat or stood there dumbstruck. A few moments later, half of us would finally close our mouths while the other half would unfurl their brow while a good third of us had to do both. But we all found speech at about the same time saying, in any number of ways, "what the fuck!" and then we all burst out laughing.