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06 May 2008

Anyone else hate Mother's Day? It always puts me in a bad mood.[More:]

It's not that I don't love my mother, but we don't have a sunshine and roses relationship. She's got a lot of her own problems, and my childhood wasn't the best time. I've managed to come to terms with that stuff, and for the most part, and I'm pretty happy with the relationship we've built. We don't love spending time together, but we're able to get along and even enjoy each other's company at times. I love her, and can see that despite the fact that she wasn't such a good mother, she did the best she could.

HOWEVER, Mother's Day always makes me feel terrible. I try to get her a card, and can't find anything that isn't full of sappy sentiments that in our situation would be an exaggeration at best. Why aren't there any cards that say "You were a terrible mother and I'll be in therapy for years, but I know you did the best you could and love you anyway."?

I guess I haven't come to terms with things as much as I thought if this holiday still gets me so crazy. :)
Why aren't there any cards that say "You were a terrible mother and I'll be in therapy for years, but I know you did the best you could and love you anyway."?

Well, you have a product, all you need now is a good business plan.


I'm not a fan of any of these contrived "Hallmark holidays" and generally refuse to participate in them. (I don't even keep track of exactly when they are.) My family understands this and all is fine. I give my mother attention throughout the year. A real letter or phone call is better than a card.
posted by D.C. 06 May | 21:11
this is what flowers were invented for.
posted by stynxno 06 May | 21:11
This is an occasion for blank cards. That's what I do to escape the sappy sentiments.
posted by deborah 06 May | 21:18
I'm a great mother whose birthday is unfortunately way too close to Mother's Day. I think my kids were like 8 when they said, mom dude, we can't go getting you presents TWICE in ONE WEEK. Rotten little monsters but hey, they have a point. So usually my kids do my birthday up and give me a lame card or something apologetic on Mother's Day and my mother, who is 80, and I spend part of the day together drinking (vodka and tonic for me, scotch and Ensure for her), eating something complex and exotic that the kids would never appreciate and exchanging plants in really excellent containers that we then end up giving each other back by the end of the summer. It's worked out well for quite a few years now.
posted by mygothlaundry 06 May | 22:03
Mother's Day Card - I bought my xmas cards from them last year.
posted by fluffy battle kitten 06 May | 22:07
I observe it, grudgingly, because that is what my mother expects of me.
I'm rubbish at holidays. I don't give anyone cards for anything ever. I don't do birthday presents for friends or relatives unless there is some magical item that I see and I think THIS IS PERFECT FOR THEM AND MY DISCOVERY OF SAID ITEM COINCIDES NEATLY WITH THEIR BIRTHDAY which is pretty much never. I'm ok at Christmas.
But I have to do Mother's Day and Father's Day because it's expected of me. And it can be hard, because my mom for most of my life has been the kind of person to never tell you what she wants, she expects you to read her mind. I'm not even saying that just because I'm a guy, both my sisters have said the same. She never even dropped hints. It was awful. After years of training, mostly with myself on the receiving end, I have gotten her to realize that hey, her son is pretty straightforward when he wants something specific for his birthday, so why shouldn't she do the same? I think it works out better that way; she gets something she would like, and I get to carry out my duties on the occasion. Everyone wins.
posted by CitrusFreak12 06 May | 22:14
I hate Mother's Day, too. AND I have a really good relationship with my mother. And am a quasi-"mother" myself. (I usually say "parent.") It's just a yucky holiday (to me).
posted by Claudia_SF 06 May | 22:14
My mother passed away a couple of years ago. It's a holiday which breaks my heart. I try to hide away from all the advertising and so on surrounding it.
posted by gomichild 06 May | 22:19
The only thing I hate about it is that I always forget to get a card in the mail on time. So, I just make the cheery phone call. That always seems to work okay.

I've got problems with my mom, but I don't begrudge her anything. She did a good job, and I'm grateful for it.
posted by mudpuppie 06 May | 22:23
I sent my mother a card from Habitat for Humanity. Make a donation, get a card sent to Mom.
posted by Doohickie 06 May | 23:04
I had exactly the same dilemma at the bookstore looking for a card for my mother. I usually get a blank one, but for whatever reason, I didn't want one this year. So I spent a very long time looking in vain for a card that said "happy mother's day" but nooooo they were full of bullshit about her being my best friend, and my mentor, and my role model and whateverthefuckelse, when really, I just wanted to say "happy mother's day". argh.
posted by gaspode 06 May | 23:27
Isn't it two months earlier in the antipodes or is that just UK?
posted by brujita 07 May | 00:29
I'm with you, gomichild. And it's a double whammy here because my partner's mom passed two years after mine.
posted by Sil 07 May | 01:18
My steady gift to my mother for mother's day since I've been old enough to remember it is to be out the house. That whole 'out of sight, out of mind' thing that pleases her so much.

I'll be at work.
posted by sperose 07 May | 06:52
I'm sorry to hear that Sil. (((hugs)))
posted by gomichild 07 May | 07:29
I always see my mother on Mother's Day. We usually all hang out together as a family. Sometimes we go out for lunch. We usually never exchange cards. We decided many years ago that cards were pretty dumb and we'd rather say, "Happy mother's day", and enjoy our day together. Not that I don't like the occasional card, especially from my husband. The last card he gave me, I think it was this Valentine's Day, I cried. It was so beautiful. It wasn't mushy-gushy, but just very nice. Then he told me, "oh, I didn't know there was that extra middle part." It was a tri-fold card. He didn't even read the entire thing! :-)
posted by LoriFLA 07 May | 08:20
Our family never really celebrated these sorts of things, but MuddDude's family does, and it's sort of weird for me. I mean, we've got to buy a card for every birthday, Hallmark holiday, etc. etc. and it's just not how I was raised. I usually trust 'Dude to look at the calendar in time and fake my signature on the card.
posted by muddgirl 07 May | 08:31
Oh crap, Mother's Day. I mean I love my mom, but sheesh.
posted by Hellbient 07 May | 09:56
Yeah, I used to look for nice cards that said "Happy Mother's Day! I love you!" cause I did love my Mom, but she was pretty difficult, and all that flowery crap would have been false. She'd have liked it, though.

She died in December, and part of mourning her has been recognizing the ways in which she was terrific, and dealing with some of the ways she was, ummm, not. Also recognizing that she inherited difficult, probably bi-polar, genes, and might not have had the best parenting herself.

My son is 20. He's taking me out to breakfast Sunday, so overall, Yay Mother's Day.
posted by theora55 07 May | 11:58
MGL, my mom's birthday is in early May, too --- today, in fact! --- and my family never celebrated Mother's Day or Father's Day. Now I'm wondering if I misremembered this as dictate from my parents and we were rotten little monsters who couldn't be bothered to grow a flower in a paper cup and make a lopsided ashtray in the same week.

Oh, hell. Greetings, obscure guilt! Make yourself at home --- goodness knows you know your way around.
posted by Elsa 07 May | 12:07
Translation? || #bunnies time for everyone

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