AND THE SELF-SABOTAGE THING? ONE OF THE THINGS I'M LEARNING IN THERAPY IS THAT WHEN I'M STRESSED OUT AND OVERWHELMED THE MOST, I LASH OUT AND SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MY MIND. I CAN'T LET OLD HURTS GO, AND I READ SOMETHING THAT TRIGGERED ONE OF THEM, AND AS A RESULT, SOMEONE I COULD HAVE MAYBE EVENTUALLY BECOME FRIENDS WITH AGAIN PROBABLY HATES ME EVEN MORE, AND I'M AFRAID THAT SHE'S GOING TO TELL THE FRIEND WE SHARE IN COMMON THAT I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON AND THAT FRIEND ISN'T GOING TO BE ABLE TO GIVE ME A GOOD ROOMMATE REFERENCE BECAUSE I SAW THE BEST FUCKING APARTMENT TODAY IN HARLEM AND THE NICE LADY WHO CHOSE MY AD OUT OF ALL THE ONES SHE SAW ON CRAIGSLIST AND HASN'T ASKED ANYONE ELSE TO SEE HER PLACE SAYS THAT ALL SHE NEEDS IS A GOOD LIST OF REFERENCES AND SHE WANTS TO RENT THE ROOM IN HER HOME TO SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT IT NICELY AND I WOULD, BUT RIGHT NOW MY LIVING ROOM IS A MESS AND THERE'S BOOKS AND STUFF ALL OVER THE PLACE AND I LOOK AROUND AND WANT TO CRY...

:-(

I'm sorry, TrishaLynn.

Put on your favorite dance/rage music, as loud as possible, and jump/rage around for the next 20min. I promise it'll help.

Also, I'm sure you realize this, but this:

AS A RESULT, SOMEONE I COULD HAVE MAYBE EVENTUALLY BECOME FRIENDS WITH AGAIN PROBABLY HATES ME EVEN MORE, AND I'M AFRAID THAT SHE'S GOING TO TELL THE FRIEND WE SHARE IN COMMON THAT I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON AND THAT FRIEND ISN'T GOING TO BE ABLE TO GIVE ME A GOOD ROOMMATE REFERENCE

relies on about fifty-eleventy worst-case-scenario assumptions, and *all* of them would have to come true in order to keep you from getting the apartment because of them.

Also, my cat's front end just fell into a box which her back end couldn't pull her out of, and I really wish you could have seen it, and heard the dignity-injured yowling that resulted, because I guarantee it would have cheered you up.

Things will get better. Deep breaths. *whuffles*

FWIW, most likely what the landlady means when she wants references are from the owners/managers of the places you've lived before....but


GAH DO I FEEL THE SAME WAY. I'M THE SORT OF VIRGO RISING WHO IS A ROTTEN SLOB AND I DON'T WANT THE NEW OWNER OR HIS CONTRACTOR COMING IN MY PLACE ESPECIALLY SINCE HE'S ON THE CONDO BOARD AND CAME OFF IN THE TIMES AS BEING PROUD TO BE A VULTURE. THERE'S STILL MOUSE STINK IN THE CARPETS AND HE MIGHT CALL THE BOARD OF HEALTH. HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS PLANNING TO DO BEFORE HE STARTED LAST OCTOBER. I'VE ALREADY HAD TO PUT UP WITH TWO YEARS OF CONSTRUCTION NOISE AND MY DECORATOR NEIGHBOR CLAIMED THAT "EVERYTHING WAS DONE RIGHT " I DON'T HAVE FIVE OTHER PLACES TO LIVE. THIS IS IT. I WANT OUT AND THE BUILDING MANAGEMENT STILL HASN'T GIVEN THE APPLICATION PAPERS I NEED TO MAKE THE GUEST BATHROOM FIT TO USE--EVEN THOUGH I'VE ALREADY ASKED TWICE.

PLUS I DROPPED A HUGE BOMBSHELL LAST WEEK AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE OUTCOME WILL BE

brujita: Good point. I just sent her an email about what kind of references she'll need.